TANcast

Blog2ober
Day 26

So far this month, I’ve shared a lot of embarrassing letters I’ve written. So today I’m going to share an embarrassing letter someone wrote to me. It’s not embarrassing in the same way, the person who wrote it won’t cringe, but it does shine a spotlight on what a little weiner I was back in the day.

This letter is from a lady I had a huge crush on. At the time I thought everybody but her could see it. In retrospect, she probably did see it, was flattered by the attention, but didn’t feel the same. Amazingly, I’ve actually found myself in that position since then…so I know there’s no graceful way out…but THIS is a card she sent me on Valentine’s Day:

Friends

Yes…she put “Friends” in bold letters at the top. As in, “Take. A. Hint.”

Tim, a true friend
I am not sure what to say

Because, “Forget any hopes you have of ever seeing me naked,” seems a little harsh for Valentine’s Day.

A reminder of who you are to me
You fill my life with glee
With smiles and laughter of true bliss
It is our friendship kiss

Aw, c’mon! Don’t use the word “kiss” in this little note. You KNOW young Tim didn’t see anything else but that right? He probably didn’t even notice that you started rhyming suddenly and will stop rhyming just as suddenly…

Thank you for the wonderful person you are to me. Like I said before, you were there when I needed someone. I hope one day I can return the same kind of friendship to you.

“She totally wants to kiss me” -Young Tim

This story has a nice ending, though. I noticed it was sent on February 12, 2001. A little over a month later, I would have my first kiss with the woman who is now my lovely wife.

So to any of the young guys reading this trapped in your own private friend-zone hell…don’t give up hope. You WILL be free. “Never give up. Never surrender!”

Blog2ober
Day 25

Looking in my Facebook feed today, I saw that someone posted that a judge ruled that the 9/11 museum can include World Trade Center cross. Using my new critical brain from yesterday, I thought to myself, “NO one REALLY could have opposed that, could they? Let me do some googling.”

Sure enough, a group of atheists sued to stop them from including the cross in the museum. They failed, but they’re not giving up. But they should, they really should.

I’m not one to argue for shoving religion down anyone’s throat and I’m a pretty firm believer in separation of church and state…but this is nucking futs!

I could understand if they just slapped a random cross in the museum and put up a plaque that said, Yay Jesus!” But that’s not what this is. This is a piece of the building that was destroyed. What could be more appropriate for a museum about the events of that day than a piece of one of the buildings? Yes, it is in the shape of a cross. You get to decide if that’s meaningful to you or not. You DON’T get to decide to expunge it from the museum because you don’t believe it’s meaningful. This is the kind of stupidity that Christian nut jobs are paranoid about…and you’re DOING it*! Don’t make them right! Now they’re going to believe ALL of their crazy atheist attack fantasies.

Next time I see one of you, I’m oing to wish you “merry Christmas”…even if it’s July. Just out of spite. (The way Jesus would have wanted)

*(That was not the good kind of “You’re doin’ it.” It was the you’re doing it wrong kind)

Blog2ober
Day 24

I posted this picture on Facebook a few hours ago…

It’s from a Facebok page called “Shares From Your Aunt” that posts saterical images like that that LOOK like something a “crazy aunt” would share on Facebook.

I didn’t know that was where it was from I just saw the image and thought, “Which one of my idiot ‘friends’ thinks this is real?” Then I looked at the comments and realized it was a joke. So, of course I decided to troll all my friends with it and I got a few of ’em… Read the rest of this entry »

Blog2ober
Day 23

As Dean pointed out, “Blog2ober” has turned into aloof “look at Tim failing.” So I thought today’s blog could be about A) something positive and B) something Halloween related. And what’s more positive than candy?! It’s delicious, right? So let’s take a look at the 5 best candies.

5. M&M’s

Cat decide between Plain, Peanut or Peanut butter…but they are a solid go-to treat when you’re got a sweet tooth Read the rest of this entry »

Blog2ober
Day 22

For those who don’t know, there’s a comedy website called cracked.com that runs a Photoshop contests every week. They give a funny prompt and people submit different images that fit that prompt. Cracked chooses the best ones and puts them in an article on their website. The best one wins money. I have entered many of these contests. I have often been featured in the articles and even won the money a handful of times. However, way MORE of my stuff has been rejected. I like to share some of my rejected entries with you good folk who read my blog. I used to post this type of blog a lot, but for some reason I stopped. So that means there are a lot of contest entries from many different contests that have yet to be enjoyed by anyone except the Cracked judges. (Who clearly DIDN’T enjoy them, hence they were rejected)

So I thought I’d rummage through the archives and find some of my entries that weren’t funny enough for Cracked, but are just fine for the low, low standards of TANcast.com

Kickass Reboots of Lame Characters

Yeah, that’s that twerp Tim from Jurassic Park. But now he’ll twerp you in the FACE!!!
Read the rest of this entry »

Blog2ober
Day 21

After the events of today, I’ve heard a lot of people say that all this school violence is because parents “aren’t doing their jobs.” I’m not saying there’s no truth in that statement, but how does that solve anything? We can’t even agree that people should get health care or that the government shouldn’t spend more than it makes…you think we’re going to get “parental values” laws through congress? No, the best we’re gonna get is some political stump speeches, maybe some PSAs, and certainly a whole lot of internet memes talking about how parents need to step up their game. Will THAT work? Let me answer with an old joke I used to tell when I was starting stand up…

A few years ago at Disneyland, they changed all the safety spiels to include the phrase, “please watch your children.” Great advice, but if you’re a bad enough parent that you weren’t even watching your children, then you are also likely the kind of person who is not going to pay heed to a prerecorded voice telling you to do so.

This week, Andy hates doctors, Noah becomes a mentor, Tim walks for Downs Syndrome, and the boys talk about the government shutdown.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Blog2ober
Day 20

After yesterday’s blog, another old high school friend of mine, Emma, wrote:

How come I never got any gems like this? Since I know both of the girls you wrote the other letters to. Or maybe you did write me and I forgot. Probably because I had a jerk of a boyfriend, that I should have dumped long before I did.

Well “good” news Emma, your boyfriend at the time did not stop me from writing you too! Fortunately, it’s not as creepy as yesterday’s letter. But it’s still plenty laughable. Here we go…

Dear Emma,

It’s been 1 month, 3 weeks, 2 days, 19 hours, and 34 minutes since my last Emma hug.

I didn’t say it wasn’t at all creepy, I just said it wasn’t AS creepy. Read the rest of this entry »

Blog2ober
Day19

I’m not sure if we’ll have time to read another of my old letters on the next episode, so I found another one that I can make fun of in blog form. Now, in my heart of hearts I’d like to believe I didn’t send this. I’d like to believe I typed this up, read over it and said, “Nah…only a crazy person shares these thoughts with another human being.”

…but I fear that I did. I think I printed this out, put it in an envelope, and sent it off to this poor, unsuspecting lady. What did she do to deserve this? Nothing. She was just very nice and extremely cute. Unfortunately for her, the gal from the Star Trek letter a few days back told me that if I’d asked this gal out in high school, she would have gone out with me. First off, Star Trek gal had nothing to base that on. Second of all, even if it were true, that ship had sailed. High school was over. Me and the young lady from today’s letter were in college 800 miles apart. But that didn’t stop young Tim from making a complete and total fool of himself. Enough stalling…time for me to start cringing…

Dear Amy,

I was watching the moon rise up over the foothills last night and I saw your face.

Mother of all things great and small! No. Please tell me I did not start off this letter like that. Please tell me that someone hacked the past and is playing a joke on me. No? Ugh! That is frightening. Maybe the next thing I wrote was, “HA! Just kidding. Wouldn’t that be a dumb thing to say at the top of the letter? Anyway, how are classes going?”

Yeah that’s probably what I wrote. Surely I didn’t go on about this for a whole paragraph… Read the rest of this entry »

Blog2ober
Day 18

I’m not usually one to participate in “follow Friday” on Twitter. But I’m using my blog today as an endorsement to follow @BarackObama on Twitter.

I know, many of you reading this are not fans of the president. That’s not the point.I don’t recommend following him on Twitter for the content of his tweets. You’ll basically hear the same stuff on the news. I’m recommending following Obama because he is a lightning rod for the most insane Twitter comments I’ve seen. Yes, there’s the obvious right/left debating that goes on in response to his tweets…but then there’s the delicious random crazy people who love to spout their crazy to the highest office in the land. Here are just 3 recent examples… (Warning: Foul language ahead, it IS the internet, after all)

1) Time check

Read the rest of this entry »