This week we take you into the TANcast Virtual Comedy Theater to hear some of Tim Babb’s favorite comedians that he first encountered in the San Francisco Bay Area. Enjoy the laughs and PLEASE check out these comics if they are playing in your area. (Info on all the comics is in the show notes below)

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

***Comedian Info***
Andrew Norelli
Official Website: http://www.andrewnorelli.net/
CD Available on iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/cut-above-stupid/id434959049
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/andrew.norelli
Source for Show Audio: http://youtu.be/-A4AEZu3c_c

Sandy Stec
Official Website: http://sandystec.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/SandyStec
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SandyStec
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/scstec
Source for Show Audio: http://youtu.be/R4Qn1YQapl4

Joe Klocek
Official Website: http://www.standupjoe.com/
CD: http://www.standupjoe.com/www.standupjoe.com/Comedy_CD.html
Twitter: http://twitter.com/standupjoe
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/standupjoe
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/joeklocek
Source for Show Audio: http://youtu.be/pV7k0QZ09JA

Phil Johnson
Official Website: http://www.philjohnsoncomedy.com/
Official Store: http://www.philjohnsoncomedy.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=13&Itemid=13
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/roadsidephil
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/philjohnsoncomedy
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/roadside2
Source for Show Audio: http://youtu.be/KI7Y1wJgb88

Grant Lyon
Official Website: http://www.grantlyon.com
CD: http://www.grantlyon.com/merchandise.php
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/grantlyon1
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/grantlyon
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/grantlyon
Source for Show Audio: http://youtu.be/NN2Zab92KiA

Larry Bubbles Brown
Official Website: http://www.larrybubblesbrown.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Larry-Bubbles-Brown/29349794347?ref=ts
Source for Show Audio: http://youtu.be/5nS3XnIeRb4

James P. Connolly
Official Website: http://www.jamespconnolly.tv
CD Available on iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-master-plan/id319210417
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/jamespconnolly
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/James-P-Connolly/8986828596
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/jpconnolly
Source for Show Audio: http://youtu.be/IUiN8A5WlKc

Dave Burliegh
Official Website: http://www.daveburleigh.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheDaveBurleigh
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/daveburleigh
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/daveburleigh
Source for Show Audio: http://youtu.be/QrNmX2Xe0Kc

Ryan Stout
Official Website: http://www.ryanstout.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/stoutryan
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ryanstout
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/ryanstout
Source for Show Audio: http://youtu.be/skcLPNqBXzg

W. Kamau Bell
Official Website: http://www.wkamaubell.com/
CD Available on iTunes: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/face-full-of-flour-live/id355594566
Twitter: http://twitter.com/wkamaubell
Facebook: http://ow.ly/3rkb7
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/wkbonline
Source for Show Audio: http://youtu.be/0k1TRedBLNg

This week, the boys eventually play a game of Play 6 Degrees and Hold the Bacon but mostly they try to drive each other crazy. Perhaps the most entertaining train wreck in TANcast history. Enjoy the clusterfuck!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Mike, Grace, and Indiana Bob!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Best Cry Ever Meets The Who
http://youtu.be/GINSnOecCt8

Fuck You I’m An Anteater
http://www.thewolfweb.com/photos/00498622.jpg

Usher And A Goat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6TCnh5B8-w

Star Trek TNG on Comic Relief
http://youtu.be/Hra0I-w3XBY

This week: Listener e-mail about marriage, Noah goes to Cochella, Tim salutes Joe Klocek and hates on hecklers, and a Monday Night TANfight Will Money (Clint Eastwood from Unforgiven) vs John Mason (Sean Connery in The Rock)!
[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Dominic, Rocken’ Rodger, and Hillary!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Dominic’s Podcast, “The Nakama Gaming Podcast”
http://nakamagamingpodcast.blogspot.com/

Episode Where We Talk Of Proposing To Our Wives
http://tancast.com/2010/02/09/tancast-086-going-on-a-date-with-a-wet-paper-towel/

Noah on Drinking Buddies Podcast
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/

Diagram of Tupac “Holagram” from Cochella
http://blogstodiefor.com/2012/04/diagram-how-2pacs-hologram-at-coachella-got-pulled-off/

Joe Klocek Destroying a Heckler as Featured at Cracked.com
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-10-most-satisfying-cases-hecklers-getting-destroyed_p2/

Joe Klocek’s Website
http://www.standupjoe.com/www.standupjoe.com/Home.html

Tim’s Comedy Schedule
http://TANcast.com/tim

This week it’s TANcast theater as the boys perform the script form TANcast’s #1 Redheaded Disney Freak, Grace. Starring Kiki as the Narrator and A M Earley as “the villain.”

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

Tim Babb’s Stand Up CD
http://TANcast.com/tim

Tim smacks some toddlers around, Noah sees a naked man at work, the boys discuss awkward hugs, and the boys play another round of 6 Degrees and Hold the Bacon!
[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Hillary, Jesus, and Dean!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

10 Minutes of Jeopardy “Think Music”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2mqqCMu-LM

Tim’s Gig at Rooster T Feathers April 19-22, 2012
http://www.roostertfeathers.com/html/searchevents.html?Page=http://www.ticketbiscuit.com/RoosterTFeathers/EventPage.aspx?EID=124990

Boobstagram
http://boobstagram.fr/

This week Andy and Tim almost die, Andy hates on skeuomorphic technology, and the boys do an (unintentionally) extended edition of the “hit” game, 6 Degrees and Hold the Bacon.
[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Grace, Jesus, and Kevin!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Grape Lady Remix
http://youtu.be/H43o72bRzrw

Noah’s Wacky Meme
http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/4tii/

MiO “Croc Blocked” Commercial
http://youtu.be/AtKiyiR4yno

Skeuomorph Wiki Page
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skeuomorph

TANcast’s Nerdist Tweet
https://twitter.com/#!/TANcast/status/187743881343938563

Tim’s Gig at Rooster T Feathers April 19-22, 2012
(Tim is not listed on the website yet, but he WILL be at all shows)
http://www.roostertfeathers.com/html/searchevents.html?Page=http://www.ticketbiscuit.com/RoosterTFeathers/EventPage.aspx?EID=124990

This week Tim’s wife calls bullshit, Noah goes Carless, and it’s a super TANfight as the Justice League of America takes on the Avengers!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Indiana Bob, Grace and Grace!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Space Mountain Lyrics video
http://youtu.be/EG5S6ZpaziQ

Place to Rent a Car By The Hour
http://www.zipcar.com/

Tim’s Solo Performance on April 6, 2012
http://www.bearrepublic.com/home.php

This week Tim gets “smat” from mocking his co-workers, Noah encounters chatty stranger, Andy revives an unorthodox compliment, and The TANboys play a new game: “6 Degrees and Hold the Bacon.”

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Jennifer, Todd, Jairo!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Like a Boss Video
http://youtu.be/NisCkxU544c

Tim’s Show on March 31st at Bunjo’s Comedy Lounge in Dublin, CA
http://www.bunjoscomedy.com/

Sorry for the late show this week. But listen in to hear a few shout outs, Andy destroying his shower, and a quick discussion of upcoming movies.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Phil, Indiana Bob, and Reddit!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Erik’s YouTube Page
http://www.youtube.com/SmithfieldJuffles

Comedian Phil Johnson
http://www.philjohnsoncomedy.com/

Las Guitarras Restaurant in Novato, CA
http://lasguitarrasnovato.com/

Tim’s Show on March 31st at Bunjo’s Comedy Lounge in Dublin, CA
http://www.bunjoscomedy.com/

Seanbaby’s Worst Falls on the Internet
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-8-most-violent-falls-ever-survived-youtube/

Seanbaby’s Horrible Geek Humor Books
http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-geek-humor-books-by-authors-who-understand-neither/

Tim Guests on the Mousetalgia Podcast
http://mousetalgia.libsyn.com/mousetalgia-episode-177-robert-sherman-john-carter

The fact that they are randomly selected and don’t update when you reload the same page means you’ll probably be ready to kill yourself before you’ve seen them all.

Read on to waste about 90 seconds of your life…

In no particular order (Andy’s comments in italics):

1. We Put the “Odd” In Podcast (the tagline that got Grammar Girl’s attention)
2. Experts on Nothing, Opinions on Everything
3. It could have been ANTcast, but Tim demands top billing…
4. Two halves make one beautiful black whole… (Get it?)
5. No one really wins at gay chicken.
6. Where’s my nipple?
7. Three guys, no cups…
8. … then take walk in park.
9. Are you a “couple” when there’s three of you?
10. Milk Chocolate, White Chocolate, Dark Chocolate: Pick your favorite!
11. We’re not actually joined at the hips, we just like to stand this way.
12. Somehow ECRUcast sounded too pretentious.
13. Laid end-to-end, it would circle the Earth 1.35 E-7 times! (obscure Ars Technica reference)
14. Not to be confused with tan cats.
15. No, Mr. Plainview, it is WE who drink YOUR milkshake!
16. Still has that “new blog” smell. (not anymore)
17. (Not affiliated with George Hamilton)
18. Going down in flames since 2008
19. Validating the Validity
20. Hot pizza can be a cruel mistress…
21. Something to do while waiting for death’s sweet embrace.
22. Ask your mom about us.
23. Your damnation is upon you. (the original)
24. A tiny boil on the ass of the Internet.
25. 1 and 2/2 White Guys
26. No harmful UV rays!
27. Don’t laugh with us, laugh AT us!
28. It’s like a radio show, but with no ads or guests or talent and you can only hear it on your computer.
29. Sunlight is for suckers. Get your TAN online!
30. Commentary without conscience or consequence (Tim is an under-appreciated wordsmith)
31. Don’t waste your time… Let us do that for you!
32. It’s harder than you might think to photoshop clothes onto naked women.
33. Better than nothing.
34. Podcasting both weekly and weakly.
35. … or I’ll punch you in the face!
36. We’ll Chimp Out on you!
37. May Cause Anal Leakage
38. Verbal Self-Gratification
39. Capping off a year of crapping in your ear. (Has it been a year already?)
40. Caution: Ids at Play
41. Two Wrongs, One Right
42. Halfy, Honky, Halfy
43. Sword of Holy Fury
44. Squirrel of Justice!
45. Slightly less shitty than before (Lies!)
46. A Long Road to Nowhere
47. Aggressive Mediocrity
48. Nerds Talk Dirty
49. About an Hour of Bull$#!%
50. It might not be worth it…

And joining them as of today:

Saving the world, one diarrhea joke at a time.

This week you’ll hear about Hero Academy, the new iPad, corporate sponsorship, the legend of comedian Brendan Lynch, Andy’s trip to Portland, and a list of the TANboys’ High 5 favorite drinks.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Hilary, Todd, and Reddit!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

If you want to read a part in the special TANcast episode, send a n e-mail to fucktards (at) TANcast.com with “Saving Grace.” In the subject line (you must be able to record your own voice and send it to us)

***SHOW LINKS***

Hero Academy Game
http://www.robotentertainment.com/games/heroacademy

Comedian Brendan Lynch’s Twitter Feed
http://twitter.com/brendanzig

Tim’s Fancy Food From Left Bank

http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/fancy-dinner.jpg

Tim’s Comedy CD
http://TANcast.com/tim

Kitties and Titties Tumblr (NOT Safe For Work)
http://kittiesntitties.tumblr.com/

Tim Babb’s Show in Marin County on March 15, 2012
http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/224030

This week Tim battles a stomach bug, the boys discuss cooking for yourself, and the boys list their “high 5″ of lies they believed when they were kids.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Dean, Some Cover Song Noah Found, and Julian!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

If you want to read a part in the special TANcast episode, send a n e-mail to fucktards (at) TANcast.com with “Saving Grace.” In the subject line (you must be able to record your own voice and send it to us)

***SHOW LINKS***

Noah’s Recipes
http://recipes.runnersworld.com/Recipe/chicken-sweet-potato-stir-fry.aspx?cm_mmc=NL-Nutrition-_-686718-_-09012011-_-Autumn%20Veggie%20Stir%20Fry

http://www.ecurry.com/blog/pasta-pizza/angel-hair-pasta-with-mushroom-basil-and-fried-egg/

http://www.marthastewart.com/333226/fresh-angel-hair-pasta-with-bacon-and-pe?center=854190&gallery=275103&slide=254546

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2011/05/big-fat-bacon-sliders/

Tim’s Gig on March 10th 2012 in Santa Clara, CA

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/227730

This week topics range from religion, capitalism, and politics to Star Trek, annoying co-workers and naked pregnant women modeling hats. (Only on TANcast) Finally its a robotic TANfight as Data from Star Trek faces off against a T-800 model Terminator.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Justin, Lindsay, and Dean!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

If you want to read a part in the special TANcast episode, send a n e-mail to fucktards (at) TANcast.com with “Saving Grace.” In the subject line (you must be able to record your own voice and send it to us)

***SHOW LINKS***

Pics From Star Trek Sequel
http://movies.yahoo.com/blogs/movie-talk/first-set-photos-star-trek-sequel-222928738.html

More Pics From Star Trek Sequel
http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00048191.html

Take On Me Video

Nude Pregnant Woman Modeling Hats
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/22/nude-pregnant-model-walks-runway-london-sophia-cahill_n_1293692.html

Church Gets Uppity About Breast Feeding
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/24/nirvana-jennette-georgia-nurse-in_n_1297667.html

Goldentusk On YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/user/Goldentusk#g/c/F2B4A64544F29846
(If you comment on his videos, be sure and say TANcast sent you…unless you’re a hater, then just don’t comment, asshole!)

Trope Of Work Getting His Ass Kicked
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheWorfEffect

Tim’s Gig in Santa Clara, CA on March 10, 2012
http://bit.ly/comedylab310

Tim’s Comedy CD
http://TANcast.com/tim

This week the boys try to define a “geek,” Tim’s love/hate relationship with Kevin Smith continues, Noah reviews the movie Chronicle, and the most uninformed TANfight ever: Jacob vs Edward (from Twilight).

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from CJ (Younger CJ), Todd, and AM!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

If you want to read a part in the special TANcast episode, send a n e-mail to fucktards (at) TANcast.com with “Saving Grace.” In the subject line (you must be able to record your own voice and send it to us)

***SHOW LINKS***

Hipster Dubstep Cat
http://vimeo.com/36820781

Tim’s Comedy CD
http://tancast.com/tim/

Ivy from SoulCalibur Cosplay Lady
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bellechere/sets/72157607268874896/

Max Landis’ Video About the Death of Superman
http://youtu.be/0PlwDbSYicM

Tim’s Gig In San Jose, CA on February 24, 2012
http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/221856

This week: The boys announce a contest, the show gets nerdy, there’s a ton of boys baby talk, and they (finally) list off their High 5 favorite Cameos.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Dean, Vrej, and Tyler!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

If you want to read a part in the special TANcast episode, send a n e-mail to fucktards (at) TANcast.com with “Saving Grace.” In the subject line (you must be able to record your own voice and send it to us)

***SHOW LINKS***

Cracked Photoshop Contest That Tim Won
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_313_if-tv-shows-were-never-cancelled/

Star Wars Uncut

http://trekmovie.com/2012/02/10/report-star-trek-tngdoctor-who-comics-crossover-coming-in-may/

Star Trek: The Next Generation/Doctor Who Comic Crossover
http://trekmovie.com/2012/02/10/report-star-trek-tngdoctor-who-comics-crossover-coming-in-may/

Six Degrees of St. Elsewhere
http://www.slushfactory.com/content/EpupypyZAZTDOLwdfz.php

St. Elsewhere Connections Diagram
http://home.vicnet.net.au/~kwgow/crossovers(full).jpg

Bill Murray Eats Food Off Someone’s Plate
http://gawker.com/5591356/bill-murray-on-the-bill-murray-no-one-will-ever-believe-you-urban-legend

Noah goes to Calastoga, Andy quits (his job, not TANcast), Tim gets into an argument with a birther, and the guys scrap a planned High Five to talk about a bunch of other random crap.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Gary, Jesus, and Jesus again!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Liberal Douchiness T-Shirt
http://www.zazzle.com/suck_on_my_superior_liberal_douchiness_tancast_164_tshirt-235813328585635557

Andy In The New DisneyNature Film: “Chimpanzee”
http://disney.go.com/disneynature/chimpanzee/#/movies/chimpanzee/synopsis

Dogs “Singing” Star Wars Theme
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ntDYjS0Y3w

Cracked Contest That Tim Won, Then Lost, Then Won Again.
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_313_if-tv-shows-were-never-cancelled/

Doug Loves Movies With Paul F. Tompkins, Garry Marshall, and Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber
http://dlm.libsyn.com/paul-f-tompkins-garry-marshall-and-lord-andrew-lloyd-webber-guest

Tim’s Comedy CD
http://TANcast.com/tim

I almost didn’t finish this crappy one. …but I just did.

This week you’ll hear things to do in San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Atlanta, plus Noah gets “laser eyes,” and Andy makes a big announcement.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Gary, Jesus, and Jesus again!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Tim’s Comedy CD
http//:TANcast.com/tim

http://www.humphryslocombe.com/|_Home_|.html

Michael Jackson Gets His Glove and Footprints Added to Grauman’s Chinese Theater
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/27/michael-jackson-joins-hol_n_1236608.html

Leno Gets Sued For Romney Joke
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/thr-esq/jay-leno–mitt-romney-golden-temple-lawsuit-284795

“Batman” Gets His Ass Kicked in Vegas
http://youtu.be/ZVTYsX9C3t4

This week Tim reviews Micheal Jackson’s Immortal, Andy reviews Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows, the boys discuss British TV, Andy is filled with hate, and Monday night TANfights returns as Captain Jack Sparrow faces off against the Dread Pirate Roberts

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Jesus, Bob, and Tony!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Cracked Article About Where Society Breaks Down
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-places-where-society-inexplicably-breaks-down/

TANfight Poll

This week Andy talks about his Kid again, Andy Reviews the Help, Noah rides the subway with no pants, and the boys do a High Five about Childhood Christmas/Birthday Presents.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Lindsay, Todd, and Vrej!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Josh Adam Myers Recovery Fund
http://www.donateforjosh.com/

Easy Spirt “Looks Like A Pump…” Ad Campaign Returns
http://www.multivu.com/mnr/52474-easy-spirit-unveils-looks-like-a-pump-feels-like-a-sneaker-campaign

Pizza Love Website
http://pizzalovetogo.com/

Tim’s CD
http://TANcast.com/tim

This week the boys pay tribute to Angelo Bowers, Tim asks for tips on his new iPhone, Noah tells of his adventures in Portland, and Andy talks of his misadventures over Christmas.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from The Late (great) Angelo Bowers, Kody, and Vrej!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Story of Angelo and Josh’s Accident
http://blogs.laweekly.com/informer/2012/01/angelo_bowers_la_comedian_killed_drunk_hit-and-run.php

Angelo Bowers Comedy Videos
http://youtu.be/oLE4XuzqtdU
http://youtu.be/J3lvsmgI5cs
http://youtu.be/GtJuISO7gtg
http://youtu.be/yd5-2AewuiI

Angelo’s Jokes Twitter Feed
http://twitter.com/AngelosJokes

To cap off 2011, the boys start light by discuss dating and podcasting, then get a little heavy discussing religion and depression, but then they end on a positive note…mutual masturbation. (Only TANcast would cover all this in under an hour)

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Vrej, Grace, and Luisa!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Link to Tim’s Stand Up Comedy CD

http://TANcast.com/tim

The boys get the Scrooge treatment and visit their past, present and future, Tim laments the loss of the Bugle podcast, and Andy brings a new segment to the show called “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better,” where the boys pitch movie ideas that are better than “Battleship.”

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Chelsea, Rob, and Jairo!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Link to Tim’s Stand Up Comedy CD

http://TANcast.com/tim

Tim Babb’s Kingdom Comedy: We Are The World 26
http://youtu.be/KTddPosfbOQ

Jimmy Stewart Reads Poem About His Dog
http://youtu.be/mwGnCIdHQH0

Cracked PhotoShop Contest For Movies From Kids’ Games
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_174_if-every-childrens-game-was-turned-into-movie/

What Google Images Comes Up with for “Candy Cane Dildo”
http://static.igossip.com/photos_2/june_2010/53099_Celebrity_khia_candy_cane.jpg

This week, more teeth trouble for Tim, Andy has back pain and needs food, Noah defends GI Joe 2 and Battleship, Noah and Andy talk video games, and (finally) the boys countdown their High 5 Christmas carols (or other holiday songs).

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Todd, Tyler, and Todd!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Link to Tim’s Stand Up Comedy CD

http://TANcast.com/tim

Tyler’s Podcast
http://mrbobbysblog17.blogspot.com/2011/10/angry-nerds-podcast-ep1-wait-whats.html

GI Joe 2 Trailer
http://youtu.be/bSX2oxLdcWA

Battleship Trailer
http://youtu.be/qDMXkPfxjOc

Cracked Article Mentioning Walking Dead
http://www.cracked.com/cracked-64-top-8-everything-of-2011/TV-Show/

Humble Bundle
http://www.humblebundle.com/

Hippos Sounding Like a Chainsaw (link from Todd)
http://youtu.be/Fi-_h8Ilfjs

Drinking Buddies
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/

This week Andy finally gets around to watching Burn Notice, Tim fears Siri, Mythbusters busts more than myths, and the boys give advice on taking finals…kinda…sorta…not really.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Kevin, Todd, and Lindsay!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Link To Tim’s CD
http://TANcast.com/tim

Cracked Article on Studying For Exams
http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-7-dumbest-things-students-do-when-cramming-exams/

Tim Lookin’ FINE
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/scary-pregnant-Tim.jpg

Mythbusters Cannonball Accident
http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2011/12/07/mythbusters-cannonball-sails-through-neighborhood/

Oatmeal Comics
http://theoatmeal.com/horrible

This week, the boys do Thanksgiving recap, Noah talk Black Friday, Andy reviews “The Muppets,” and the boys count down their High 5 Muppet Songs (including Sesame Street)

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs are from Reddit, Jaden, and Todd!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Download the show at the bottom of these links)

Perry Forgets Voting Age and Election Date
http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/politics/Perry-Goofs-Voting-Age-Election-Day-134721058.html

Obama Says There Are 57 States
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpGH02DtIws

Rowlf and Kermit Sing at D23 2011
http://youtu.be/XJD4eLytkUY

Link To Tim Babb’s CD
http://tancast.com/tim/

This week, Andy has potty training woes, Tim takes his son on to Disneyland for the first time, The boys give advice about starting a podcast (that you should ignore), and they list their High 5 of inconsequential things they’re grateful for.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the NEW official TANstore: http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

No TANlaughs this week. Sorry kids. Send us some more and we’ll read ‘em!!!
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Andy’s Lego Comic
http://xkcd.com/659/

TANcast Store Powered by Zazzle!
http://www.zazzle.com/tancast

This week, baby Michael sits in for most of the show, Noah eats in a fancy restaurant, Tim enjoys Family Guy and CSI: Ted Danson, and Andy hates on Hoodwinked. Plus the boys list their High 5 Holiday movies!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Todd, Todd, and Gary.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Successful Troll Tweet
http://twitter.com/#!/TimBabbComedian/status/136933116580343808

The 5 Most Wildly Illegal Court Rulings in Movie History
http://www.cracked.com/article_18815_the-5-most-wildly-illegal-court-rulings-in-movie-history_p2.html

Kardashian Boycott Petition
http://tv.msn.com/reality-tv/kardashian-boycott/story/

If this is your first episode, don’t listen. Pick another one. For fans of TANfailure, you’re in for a treat! After talking about hospital visits, game night goofs, and death on television…the flood of fail is unleashed.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Gary, Jairo, Gary (again), and Zach..
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Picard/Crazy Town Mash-Up
http://picardlovescakesong.ytmnd.com/

Tim’s “Detonate” Pictionary Debacle
http://youtu.be/gSEx-zx1HTQ?t=4m52s

Andy sees Puss In Boots, Tim wins and fails at the same time, Noah eats a Luther Burger, and ANdy has a cool wife. THen the boys count down their high 5 songs that “make them happy.”

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Lesley, Johnathan, and Todd.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Doug Loves Movies with Characters from Comedy Bang Bang
http://dlm.libsyn.com/cake-boss-el-chupacabra-and-don-dimelo-guest

Honey Badger Don’t Care Video
http://youtu.be/4r7wHMg5Yjg

Tim Wins a Cracked Photoshop Contest
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_273_26-ads-products-that-must-exist-in-video-games/

Leo Picture Meme
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/strutting-leo-leo-strut

Offensive Costumes Meme
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/were-a-culture-not-a-costume

Day 31:

As a comedian, I run into some really funny people. Every so often I meet a comedian that I enjoy so much that I want the world to know. So during this blog-filled October (Blogtober), I’ll be highlighting a wonderful comic each Friday (or in this case the following Wednesday…when it’s not even October anymore) in a feature called TGIF: (This Guy/Gal Is Funny). These won’t be long essays or anything, just a little recommendation on some people to go to when you want to laugh. This week, I want to draw your attention to Chris Adams and Jerry Brandt.

If you listen to TANcast at all (and why would you?) you’ve heard of both of these funny gents. They host the Drinking Buddies show Wednesday nights at 10pm Pacific Time on KBEACH.org. But before they were podcasters they were comics…and while they are podcasters, they are also comics…and I imagine long after they are podcasters they will still be comics.

Chris doesn’t know it, but he is one of the first comics I met when I moved to LA. I hadn’t been in town very long and I was seeking out stage time. Chris was co-running a room in Long Beach at a restaurant/bar called Taco Beach. I introduced myself and we chatted about comedy after the show was over ad he promptly invited me back to the next show to do a set. Thus, he set up a false expectation that everyone down there was friendly and nice. An expectation that was no doubt broken by the next comic I met that week. Here’s some of Chris’s comedy (while he stands VERY still)

Jerry and I met at a benifit show for cancer. Well…it was for fighting cancer. One of those Team In Training deals (seems like everyone knows at least one person who’s involved with them. I know 4) Jerry was a great host that night and after that, we crossed paths many times doing the open mic rounds. He was even good enough to book me a few times at the various rooms he ran. Here he is laying down some comedy on his birthday at the Jon Lovitz in Hollywood…

The thing I like about both these guys is the way they use their harrowing personal life stories to make some great comedy. Similar tactic, but drastically different styles of comedy. That’s why you gotta love this business! So check them out every week on Drinking Buddies and if you listen, they’ll let you know when you can come see them live!

Bottom line…Chris Adams and Jerry Brandt: These Guys Is Funny!!!

Day 30:

Comcast sucks. Comcast has always sucked. Comcast will always suck. This is the only constant in the universe. Someday people will find a way to live forever, pigs will find a way to fly, and Andy will find a way to tell a short story…but on that day and everyday before and after…Comcast will suck. So why am I amazed that they find new ways to suck?

I am aware they can’t get cable TV right. I’ve been able to deal with the fact that their internet service has it’s problems. But now, they’ve managed to screw up my phone line as well. The other day my wife said she called me on the house line and I thought, “Huh…that’s odd I didn’t hear it.” Then a few days later my mother-in-law said the same thing. I still heard no ring. Finally I misplaced my cell phone somewhere in the house so I grabbed the house line to call it…there was a strange silence where the dial tone should be.

I eventually found my cell phone and called Comcast. Of course, I had to go through a stupid automated menu. After punching enough buttons to write a Hemingway novel, the automated skank says, “If you would like to take a short survey after this call, press 1.” Well I had no desire to take a survey after that call so I did not press 1…and the call hung up. So I tweeted…

Nice, @comcast. First my phone stops working, then I call to get it fixed and you hang up on me! #YouAlwaysSuck

Then I called back and the same thing happened. So again I ran to Twitter…

Oh good, @Comcast hung up on me again YOUR AUTOMATED SYSTEM SUUUUUUUUUUUUCKSSSSSS!!!!

Finally, I tried pressing 1, and wouldn’t you know it, I got through to the next part of the button pushing bullcrap. Cue the tweet…

Brilliant strategy @Comcast, you won’t get me through to an operator until I agree to take your stupid post-call survey. #YouSuckSoMuch

At this point @ComcastMichael decided to jump into the fray. This poor fool has no idea what he’s getting into. I’m sure he’s a good man and has nothing but good intentions, but he is about to run face first into a wall of hate…

@ComcastMichael may i help?

@TimBabbComedian Sure. You can tell the hammer heads who handle the automated line to allow folks to skip the survey.

@ComcastMichael i will certainly forward your feedback to leadership

Not the most venom I’ve ever used on someone but still, he doesn’t need my attitude. He was literally just trying to help. Then I looked at his feed. Dear…lord…in…heaven! It’s full of him asking “can I help?” while people rant about their malfunctioning Comcast. I mean FULL. Pages and pages of this poor man trying to turn the tide. Just one guy with a tiny pail trying to bail out this flood of hate out of Comcast’s boat. I’ve never felt sorrier for a man in my life. So I replied to him…

Thank you, sir. But I fear you are fighting a losing battle.

If you’re reading this, Comcast Michael, just stop. It’s not worth it. You have your whole life to live. Nothing has been this futile since the Borg invaded. The only person who has a worse job than you is Lindsay Lohan’s agent. “No I swear she hardly does any heroin any more, you gotta let her audition…hello? HELLO?! Damn!” It’s too late for that agent, but you can still be saved, Comcast Michael. Drop the Comcast and be “Michael.” You’ll thank me later.

Noah has a birthday, Tim gets a new job, Andy can’t use his Halloween costume, and the boys pick their High 5 Monster Movies.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Erin, Todd, and CJ (by way of Reddit).
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Tim’s Halloween Costume Blog
http://tancast.com/2011/10/29/han-so-lame/

Pizza Topping
http://www.blindloop.com/index.php/2011/01/5-most-popular-pizza-toppings/

Godzilla vs Zilla Scene from “Godzilla: Final War”
http://youtu.be/bIcExdpsEcQ

List of Monster Movies
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_monster_movies

Day 29:

This time, Cracked.com had truly inspired idea for a Photoshop contest…”what would famous people or characters dress up as?” I mentioned this contest on last week’s TANcast and the two entries I mentioned (Yoda as Miss Piggy and Groucho as Groucho) totally made the list. I also made the list twice, so be sure to check that out. But as usual, I have a lot of entries that didn’t make the cut. Wanna see ‘em? Too bad, here they are anyway…

Incredibles as the Fantastic 4
I thought this one had a shot. I thought it looked pretty good. Maybe the Incredibles aren’t at the forefront of peoples’ mind these days…but they SHOULD be, dang it!

Cheech and Chong and Jay and Silent Bob
Why wouldn’t two weed smokin’ slackers dress as two other weed smoking slackers? Because it’s not that funny? Fair enough.

Freddy Kruger as Snooki
Freddy knows it takes a lot to scare people these days…so he really took it to another level this year. Ugh…scary, scary stuff!

Cher and Elton John with “No Costume” Costumes
This is the one I talked about on the show, where I thought I had missed the obvious joke of doing this with Lady Gaga. Then, after we recorded, there were almost a dozen entries of Lady Gaga dressed up in normal clothes. So I guess I’ll stick with my reference to the frequent costume changes of Cher and the outlandish 70′s wear of Elton John. And I’ll stick to not making the list with it.

Batman as Superman
Even Batman knows he’d rather be able to fly and deflect bullets with his eyeballs. It’s okay Bruce…you can dream.

Mark Hamill as Han Solo
I thought SURE this would get some heat. Look at him all alone at that party just trying to get some Star Wars love. Poor guy. Maybe he’s cold, some one slice open a Tauntaun and tuck him in. (Wow, I can’t believe I spelled Tauntaun right on my first try without looking it up. This may be the proudest day of my geek life)

Day 28:

Well, the Halloween party I spoke of in an earlier blog has come and gone. It was a fun time as expected. My wife and I did end up doing the Han and Leia costumes with our baby dressed up as Yoda. My son looked adorable. He was perfect in his little Yoda costume. My wife made a great Princess Leia (Especially considering she had to work with only what we could find in our closets and her mom’s closet). She had a long flowing white dress and her hair up in braided buns. Magical. I on the other hand…well first let’s look at the picture…

Sadly we didn’t get a “better” shot of my costume, so let me walk you through it. On my head I am wearing a mullet wig with the mullet tucked underneath the back of the wig. Plain white t-shirt over which is a blue button down shirt with duck tape on the inside to make it shorter. Then I’m wearing some gray suit pants from a suit that went out of style just about the time Empire Strikes Back hit theaters. Then I’m wearing my mother in law’s leather belt…with duck tape around the huge buckle. Slipped into the belt is my Nintendo Entertainment System Light Zapper. Lastly, on my feet, a pair of my wife’s grey Uggs.

If the Star Wars universe had a a “People of Walmart” website, this version of Han Solo would be on it. My favorite moment of the night was when I looked up and saw a guy looking my direction. He looked confused but very determined. Finally he noticed I was looking at him and he said “Oh sorry…I was trying to figure it out.” I told him that I was Han Solo…if Han Solo failed at life.

But I must admit, not one person pointed out that Han and Leia never met Yoda. My wife wins this round. Then again, I have a wife who is willing to play these silly dress up games every year, so really, I win!

Now that is a loving wife! …Or a poor woman held hostage. Hard to tell.

Day 27:

As I type this, I am backstage at a show waiting to go on.

I thought it might be interesting to get an inside look into a comic’s mind just before and after a show. So the first part of this blog will be written before I go on and the second part will be written after I come off.

Part 1
So I’m backstage with a another comic who is making notes in preparation. I’m deciding what I want to talk about tonight. I’ve been playing with ideas for the whole drive up here. Now is where I whittle it down from ideas to a plan. I just found out a few moments ago that I will, in fact, be hosting the show. That’s kind of a bummer. Not that I dislike hosting, but it’s not as much fun as just doing a set. It’s going to be my job to warm the crowd up. I really want to do some jokes about my missing tooth…but it’s new. We’ll see. Oh…time to start.

Part 2
Wow did THAT suck? Yes. They say that you should never blame the crowd, and perhaps they’re right. But screw “they,” I hate this crowd and it was their fault. I did my part. I put the effort in. I know these jokes work. You people should be laughing.

Midway through a tried and true joke of mine that was getting a lukewarm reception I happened to look out and see a woman in the crowd sigh with disappointment. You’re disappointed in ME? I’m disappointed in you, whore! This joke is easy to laugh at. It’s not to complicated. It’s not dirty. It works with 9 out of 10 audiences. uyou just had to be that 10th audience, didn’t you? Is it too early for you to die in a Christmas fire? I say it isn’t.

Now I’m gonna go try and sell my TANcast CDs…HAHAHAHAHHAHAHH HAHAHHAHAHA H AHAHAHHAHA …ehhhhh

Day 26:

Ads on the internet are annoying. You know hat’s not annoying? making fun of them. Thanks to Cracked.com’s latest photo manipulation contest, I got to do just that. In fact, one of my entries was used as the “thumbnail” for the article. But, as usual, there were some gems that didn’t even make it in. Here they are for your amusement my self importance.

C’mon…we know what most nerds use Photoshop for…after they insert themselves into a picture with Anne Hathaway…they use it to make their profile pictures look better on Facebook/Match.com/Google Maps..or whatever. No? that’s not what most people do? Just me? …awkward. Moving on!

So that ad, with Ron Jeremy’s face clearly plopped don some other dude’s body actually exists. The text for it says something like, “Lear Ron Jeremy’s secret to being hung like a horse,” or something to that effect. My original joke was going to be to reveal his “secret” (being born that way.) But the add also shows that dude’s…um…mystery meat. So originally I was just going to pixelate it out, but then I had a wonderfully, awful idea. Sarah Jessica Parker’s face knows a thing or two about being like a horse. …and my black heart grew three sizes that day.

I knew this wouldn’t place. It’s just for me…and maybe any other graphic designers out there who’ve ever had to work with someone who took every creative idea you brought to a project and squashed it in favor of lameness. *Sigh* I really don’t miss the old days.

Day 25:

The older generation is always telling the younger one that the music from the old days is better than this crap on the radio. “These kids today are just singing about cheating on their women, or cheating on their women, or even being a whiny girlfriend. But back in MY day, the music was better.” Ok, smart-ass, lets look at a song from back in your day. The classic Simon & Garfunkel hit “Cecilia.”

Cecilia, you’re breaking my heart,
You’re shaking my confidence daily.
Oh cecilia, I’m down on my knees,
I’m begging you please to come home.

Ok…so far so good. Well not “good,” but par for the course for a song about a break up. She’s leaving him and he’s sad about it. Well that’s sad but that’s not uncommon. I’m pretty sure most musicians only become musicians so that people will listen to them pine on and on about the girl who dumped them. “If I put this to music, people will have to listen to my pain…as they dance.”

Cecilia, you’re breaking my heart,
You’re shaking my confidence daily.
Oh cecilia, I’m down on my knees,
I’m begging you please to come home.

Cecilia, the song so nice they sang the first part twice.

Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia
Up in my bedroom,
I got up to wash my face
When I come back to bed,
Someone’s taken my place.

Woah, woah, woah…what?! Let’s recap that verse step by step. He and Cecilia have sex in his bedroom. So far, its a good day. Then he gets up to wash his face. Good to see he was putting his all into it. But then he goes back to the bedroom and there’s another dude in the bed. WTF?! Not only is she cheating on you, she’s doing it in your own bedroom?! …minutes after you just had sex?! How long were you washing your face, dude? Didn’t you hear him come in? (no pun intended) That is one brazen whore! It might be time to let that relationship go.

Cecilia, you’re breaking my heart,
You’re shaking my confidence daily.
Oh cecilia, I’m down on my knees,
I’m begging you please to come home.

Shaking your confidence? Yeah I’d say so. If someone cheated on me mere minutes after we’d just done the nasty, I don’t think I’d be feeling like the world’s best lover. Then again, I doubt I’d be begging for said lady to come home. Especially if she’s just gonna bring other dudes into my room when she comes home.

Jubilation,
She loves me again,
I fall on the floor and I’m laughing

So…you’re just gonna let that go? “Yeah, she brought another dude into my house and had sex with him in my bed while I was in the bathroom washing her stink off my face…but she loves me. So it’s all good.”

Jubilation,
She loves me again,
I fall on the floor and I’m laughing.

He’s not laughing because he’s happy…he’s laughing because he’s insane. Someone lock Simon Garfunkel in a padded cell and get him some herpes medicine. Trust me, he’s gonna need it.

In this special crossover episode of Drinking Buddies and TANcast; Tim, Andy and Noah join Chis Adams and Jerry Brandt for a free flowing, comedic discussion. Plus the movie incarnations of James Bond and Batman are pitted against each other in a feature known as “Monday Night TANfights.” (Stay tuned at the end of the show for extra comedy that’s different depending on how you downloaded this show. Alternate version here: http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/2011/10/24/drinking-buddiestancast-crossover-special-episode/)

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

No TANlaughs this week.

Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Cracked Costume Photoshop Contest
http://www.cracked.com/forums/index.php?topic=95237

Yoda Dressed as Miss Piggy
http://www.cracked.com/forums/index.php?topic=95237.msg2045997#msg2045997

Groucho Marx Wearing Groucho Marx Glasses
http://www.cracked.com/forums/index.php?topic=95237.msg2046780#msg2046780

Tim’s Gigs:
Wednesday Oct 25, 2011 Show in Redwood City (Scroll Down to See)
http://www.angelicasbistro.com/entertainment.htm
Thursday Oct 26, 2011 Show in Novato
http://www.cracked.com/forums/index.php?topic=95237.msg2046780#msg2046780

Noah’s Recipe
http://recipes.runnersworld.com/Recipe/chicken-sweet-potato-stir-fry.aspx

Don’t Masturbate Apron
http://www.cafepress.com/tancast.457302518

Walgreens Wal Mart Batman Commercial
http://youtu.be/PdBm_tJxIIo

Day 24:

So for The Q (my son’s) first Halloween, my wife and I thought it would be cute if we all dressed up in matching costumes. Not all the same costume, but a general theme. We each came up with an idea. Both of them on the surface are awesome…

Look at me! I’m Andy. “My kid is cute. Blah, blah, blah!”

So her idea was that we’d dress the baby up as Yoda, and she and I would go as Princess Leia and Han Solo. I pointed out that the only problem with that was the fact that Leia and Han never met Yoda. She gave me that look that says, “who else would notice let alone care about that except for you?”

I then suggested we dress the baby up as Harry Potter (paint a little scar and glasses on him) and then we would go as Ron and Hermione. She put the brakes on that real quick. “How does Ron and Hermione full grown and Harry as a baby make any more sense than Yoda hanging out with Han and Leia?”

In my opinion, it makes way more sense. Harry Potter lives in a world of magic where they have all sorts of spells. It’s totally conceivable that Ron and Harry were working on a spell in class and it turned Harry into a baby and Hermione had to come along and fix it. But it didn’t make it into the books/movies because it didn’t move along the Voldemort storyline. But they are in Hogwarts for a whole school year each book. Who knows what happened in the parts they leave out of the books?

On the other hand, in the trilogy that shall not be named, we see Yoda park his sorry, Muppet butt on Dagobah. He says he’s going into exile, so its pretty safe to assume he stays there until we see him in Empire Strikes Back. Also in Empire, Luke is rescued by Han out in the frozen wastelands of Hoth. He is rambling on about “Yoda” and “Dagobah” system which Han shows no glimmer of recognition about. It is therefore safe to assume he’s never been there or met him. Then at the end of that movie, Han gets frozen. He doesn’t get thawed out until Return of the Jedi where (spoiler alert) Yoda dies…still without meeting Han.

I therefor submit my idea is more plausible than my wife’s. Who’s side are you on fair readers?

FYI-This whole argument is a moot point because they don’t seem to sell a baby Harry Potter costume and we borrowed the baby Yoda costume from a friend.

FYI Part 2-If you see this off the rack Han Solo costume:

Don’t buy it. Look at the painted on pockets on the vest. Plus the vest is on piece with the shirt so the back tucks in but the front flops over…awkward. Not only that, look at how loose and floppy it is. And that’s on their model picture…imagine how it looked on my awkward ass! Totally not worth the $60+ price tag. So now I’m gonna try and make my own Han costume. Wish me luck.

FYI Part 3-My actual first idea for a Harry Potter theme was that the kid would be baby Harry and we would be his dead parents. Not sure why we moved past it, but as you learned above, it’s a moot point now.

Day 23:

So I saw this shirt the other day* while at a mall…

Ok…you can tell me I’m reading to much into this or that I have a dirty mind…put I’m pretty sure that Muppet is offering mustache rides! Now this wasn’t some fly by night, hole-in-the-wall store selling a cheap knock off. This was a major chain store and this was official Sesame Street licensed merchandise. So I guess, “Go Down On Me Elmo” will be the hot new toy this holiday season. Good news everybody! We’ve solved the energy crisis! We can just hook a turbine up to Jim Henson while he spins in his grave!

*In comedian terms “the other day” can be any period of time from yesterday to, in this case, almost a year ago. I’ve really been sitting on this picture (no pun intended) …waiting for just the right moment.

Day 22:

Another late blog, but I spent a lot of my time yesterday putting together our next episode. (Which should be epically fantastic). Cracked spent yesterday and today putting up Photoshop contests. Between the two contests, only one of my entries made it. Here are the ones that didn’t…broken down by contest.

I’ll start with my favorite of the two contests, “If They Made Ads for the Worst Things Ever.” This was the contest that one of my submissions placed in, but I would say these two are much better…

C’mon…using sex appeal to sell suicide? That’s horrible…but funny. And yes, those are the lyrics to the thee from M*A*S*H. Also, I had to visit way more foot fetish websites than I ever wanted to (which is to say I had to visit any foot fetish websites) to find a good pic of dangling feet.

It is also harder than you would think to find a creepy looking guy on the internet. I know. I’m just as surprised as you are.

The next contest was “Things Old People Suspect About Modern Culture.” I got shut out on this one and when you see these entries you’ll be furious…or you’ll completely understand the judges’ decision. Either way…

So that is Greek on the screen. Get it? It’s all Greek to them? Comedy! For an additional level of humor, it says (according to Google Translate), “Click ‘ok’ to erase your hard drive and give us full access to your banking account.”

Old people think Jay Leno is funny! HA! They’re so dumb! (Tim Babb is available for booking as a guest on the Tonight Show at anytime…wonder why that call hasn’t come in yet.)

I thought sure this would nab a spot. It has so many delicious levels…
1) The obvious joke of a bar full of geniuses
2) That bar is Cheers
3) Three of the geniuses are from an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. (Where Data played poker on the holodeck with Einstein, Newton, and Hawking…and they got the real Hawking to come on and play himself.)

Day 2114:

As a comedian, I run into some really funny people. Every so often I meet a comedian that I enjoy so much that I want the world to know. So during this blog-filled October (Blogtober), I’ll be highlighting a wonderful comic each Friday in a feature called TGIF: (This Guy/Gal Is Funny). These won’t be long essays or anything, just a little recommendation on some people to go to when you want to laugh. This week, I want to draw your attention to W. Kamau Bell.

W. Kamau Bell is perhaps the comedian that I quote the most to my friends and family. I don’t know if it’s because his jokes are more memorable or if he just has such a great array of jokes on different topics that something ALWAYS reminds me of a Bell Bit^TM (Not really). In fact, I quoted a whole bit of his about Californians on TANcast 72.

This might sound lame, but I like Kamau’s way of making a point though humor. My act, for instance, is just “Hey, here are some funny thoughts that breezed in my head and now I’m telling you…please laugh.” But comics like George Carlin, Chris Rock, Jon Stewart and W. Kamau Bell will actually breakdown a topic with jokes. So you’re laughing the whole way but at the end if you think about you can’t help but say, “Hey, he’s right. That IS a stupid law/policy/tradition/etc.” AN especially enjoyable example of this is in his video from his “W. Kamau Bell Curve” show.”

Fortunately for you, Kamau is very prolific. So you can find him doing stand up, one man shows, podcasts, radio shows…I’m assuming he has a theme park in the works…the man works hard. You can find all of it at his website wkamaubell.com.

Bottom line…W. Kamau Bell: This Guy Is Funny!!!

Day 20:

My wife asked me a question today that I didn’t have an answer for…

Which did you like better Deep Space Nine or the one with Scott Bakula

She then laughed as I sat there in deep thought for more than five solid minutes. Truthfully, I’d never thought about it. Star Trek: The Next Generation is my favorite by far, the original series is a classic, and Voyager is a shuttle bay full of suck. So then, what of the other two Star Trek series? Which was better, the neglected step child of the 24th century (Deep Space Nine) or the show that killed Star Trek for four years (Enterprise)? Let’s look at Deep Space Nine first…

DS9: The Good
First Black captain is nothing to sneeze at. Plus Ben Sisko was a great character. Odo and Garak were also very interesting characters. And Jadzia Dax was hot…oh and the exploration of her previous hosts made for interesting drama. And once Worf joined the crew, what more do you need? The lack of a star ship was noticeable the first few seasons but the Defiant was a pretty awesome ship once it was introduced. The Dominion War plot line was certainly compelling and the Jem’Hadar were great villains. There were definitely some great episodes of this show. Most notably the one where the DS9 cast was “Forest Gumped” into an episode of the original series. Or the episode where we see an alternate future where Jake Sisko has been obsessively trying to rescue his missing father for his whole life. Even though DS9 tended to be more serious than say The Next Generation. They weren’t afraid to have the occasional fun episode like when the crew from DS9 challenged a group of Vulcans toa baseball game. Then of course there is the episode where Sisko is sent back in time and is a sci-fi writer in pre-civil rights America. Classic for giving us this scene:

DS9: The Bad
This series had some misses to be sure. Pretty much any episode that centered on Quark was going to be annoying. Jake episodes were similarly lame (save the exception above). I never really got into the idea of “the profits” in the worm hole. Are they supernatural beings? Are they aliens? Do I care? No. Get back to the fighting. Also, Bajor…pick a side already. You can’t have Federation assistance for 7+ years and not join. The Federation is the winning team, baby. Crap or get off the pot! Oh…Ezri Dax…weak. It’s too bad Terry Farrell got a job on that Ted Danson show and left DS9 right before the final season. Then we had to spend half of the final season proving Ezri was an interesting character. I’m sorry…trying to prove she was an interesting character. Ok, now on to Enterprise.

ENT: The Good
First off, Scott Bakula. Automatic cool points right there. When Sam Beckett is your Captain, you’re bound to have a good time. The character of Trip was also very likeable. Then you add in T’Pol and you get the Kirk, Spock, McCoy triangle…but with sexual tension. Not a bad plan. This show really found it’s groove in the third season. They embraced the idea of their prequel status and started doing episodes that referenced things in the Original Series and Next Gen. Their two part episode that took place in the mirror universe was awesome. And I know a lot of people didn’t like the series finale (using Riker and Troy and the Holodeck…making it basically an episode of Next Gen) but I actually enjoyed it very much. I got the whole “love letter to all Star Trek fans” that they were going for.

ENT: The Bad
Those first two seasons were rough! They were trying to distance themselves from the Star Trek franchise while at the same time exploring it. Also a lot of the plots and dialogue seemed to similar yet inferior to Next Gen. Every Star trek series has one maybe two “non entities” in the main cast. They aren’t great they aren’t bad they’re just there. This show had a whole bridge crew. I can’t even remember the English guy or the Black guy’s names. Also this show suffers from prequel syndrome where things they do contradict “future” stories. Speaking of the future, the whole temporal cold war arc was laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame. But the biggest tick on the bad column of Enterprise is that #%$&ing theme song!

That seals it, DS9 wins.

What do you guys think? Did you make it this far through the blog? If so, vote on which show was better…

Once again Cracked.com ran another PhotoShop contest and once again yours truly was shut out. Perhaps at this point, the folks at Cracked enjoy reading these “Rejected by…” blogs as much as you do. So let’s not waste anymore time and let’s look at some movies from the point of view of the villain that were too awesome for Cracked.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Seems pretty simple on the surface, but let’s look at what’s really going on here. The shot of the Enterprise blowing up is actually from Star Trek III. So the movie wouldn’t end where Star Trek II did. It would imply that Kirk having to destroy his own ship was part of Khan’s revenge. Then you have Ceti Alpha VI blowing up in the upper left hand corner. But the best details is the dead wife. That’s actually the actress who played the crew member that ran off with Khan on the original series episode “Space Seed.” But wait what’s crawling on her face? One of those Ceti Eels that Khan claims killed her. This poster is 100% plot accurate.

Star Trek: Nemesis
I knew this one was a long shot. But if you were one of the 7 people who saw Star Trek: Nemesis, you know that Data’s “brother,” B4, was supposed to be “child-like,” but came off as really…um…well yeah.

Philadelphia
Too soon? (Why didn’t this one make the list? It’s a mystery)

Day 18:

Another one of the things lost from TANcast 171 was Noah sharing a funny video. So here is the video with some of the commentary from the guys…

TIM: Speaking of links, I remember distinctly that Noah had a link to share

NOAH: So, Tim has seen this but…

TIM: And I want to see it AGAIN!!!

NOAH: …but Andy has not. It’s a Black guy telling a racist story.

[laughter]

TIM: I love when the mom calls the teacher a “Jive-ass-mother-fucker.”

ANDY: Yes!

NOAH: Well, it was a while ago.

TIM: Well, he’s still he can’t be old enough…well I don’t know when this video was taken, but I assume he can’t be old enough to have been doing that in the early 70′s when people were still saying that.

NOAH: Some slang never dies.

TIM: We need to bring back “jive”

NOAH: Isn’t it “jive ass?” Or is the slang just “jive” and you add modifiers to it.

TIM: I believe so

ANDY: Yeah

TIM: “Jive turkey”

NOAH: Isn’t it “jive ass turkey?” Or is it just “jive turkey” I think ass always goes along with it.

TIM: I don’t think so

ANDY: It’s like “punk bitch” or “punk ass bitch.” You’re just adding modifiers

TIM: We need to call Grammar Girl in on this. In fact, I’m going to tweet her now.

ANDY: I love that he refers to him and all of his little classmates as “a bunch of little nigglets.”

NOAH: It’s funny because…that was from Reddit and apparently he doesn’t want that video up anymore. He’s like “I’m gonna try to find jobs later on in life and I don’t want that to effect me.” Unfortunately, he did not realize…or I’m sure he does realize…but once it’s there, especially if it’s good, it’s not going away.

TIM: I don’t see why someone wouldn’t hire him off the back of this…I mean except a racist, and then he probably wouldn’t want that job.

NOAH: Eh…I think it’s the fact he said “nigglets” he was just worried.

TIM: Oh….well…He’s allowed to say “nigglets.”

NOAH: Yeah we think so but companies are weird and they always look at it that way.

ANDY: I think I would be more likely to hire that guy having seen that.

TIM: Fuck yeah

ANDY: He seems like he’s fun to have around.

NOAH: He’s got some stories.

TIM: I was telling Noah…look at everybody else! They are fucking spellbound!

ANDY: …and dying!

TIM: YES! Like everything he says. Fucking that guy can tell a story. Not only is the content of the story funny, but just like the way…he is fucking holding court!

ANDY: Yup

TIM: That’s impressive. He should get some spoken word work off that.

ANDY: True that.

TIM: Oh, you know what? If they changed the name of the video from “Nigglets Tricked Into Picking Cotton” to something else that’d be a good idea. Because he only says “nigglets” once and that’s certainly not what makes the video funny.

NOAH: Well, I don’t think he posted the video, I think someone else did.

TIM: Right, but I think if he can convince them to change the name, that ‘d be a good compromise as opposed to taking it down.

ANDY: And it seems to me that it was okay for him to say “nigglets,” but to title it that seems racist. Even though it’s an exact quote, it’s like putting that across the top of it, labeling that way sort of makes that word a little too…I don’t know…front and center. Maybe it’s just me.

TIM: It’s Just you!

NOAH: You, Douchey McGoo

While we were recording, Grammar Girl responded to my tweet and we actually had this interaction.

@TimBabbComedian How do you conjugate the 70′s slang “jive?” This sounds like a job for @GrammarGirl

@GrammarGirl Ha! jive/jives/jived/have jived

@TimBabbComedian You are awesome. My friend was wondering if you needed to have “ass” behind it (“Jive ass turkey” vs just “jive turkey”)

@GrammarGirl Well, you see, in that sentence, “jive” isn’t a verb. It’s an adjective.

@GrammarGirl I’m not sure about “ass.” You may want to check @jessesheidlower’s book “The F-Word” for comparisons.

So there you go. Another lost peace found and perhaps Grammar Girl will read this and understand what prompted such a random Twitter conversation.

This week, Noah’s mic is messed up for the whole show (sorry), but we promised the “High 5″ of cover songs so we salvaged that part of the show.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by CJ (by way of Reddit), Todd, and Erin…but they were lost as well.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

We Are the World 25.75
http://youtu.be/pyRf9OEX-vE

Day 17:

TANcast 171 was lost…but one brave soul dares to sift through the ruins to find the treasures that were thought to be gone forever…

One of the things lost from the show was the triumphant return of Noah’s “Don’t Masturbate in the Kitchen” segment. Here is the transcript from that part of the show…

NOAH: I have a little recipe that I cooked.

TIM: Oh shit!!!

ANDY: It’s the return

TIM: I was just thinking we haven’t had one of these in a while.

NOAH: So here it is, I’m going to link you to it. I actually have a picture too that’s on my Facebook in case anyone wants to see how it turns out the way I did it. So, I followed the base of this recipe and then I modified it. So I pretty much did everything it said to do in the recipe but I also added some frozen peas I had…and some spinach I had. And then I didn’t save any basil for garnish, I just put it all in there. ‘Cause I don’t really like uncooked basil as a garnish. I don’t really like garnish in general. Like, garnish you’re not supposed to eat right? Or are you supposed to eat it?

TIM: As far as I know it’s just there to look pretty.

ANDY: Otherwise it’d just be “food.”

NOAH: Um…so yeah. It’s called “Angel Hair Pasta with Mushroom, Basil…” OH! I also didn’t use angel hair pasta I used Soba noodles which are used buckwheat noodles. A little better for you…

TIM: Otay!

NOAH: So there you go. Yeah, it came out very tasty. I liked it. It will definitely be something I will be making again. Actually I will have another recipe next week. It’s actually a recipe I have been making…I just haven’t talked about it on here. So I’ll talk about that next week.

ANDY: Kudos

NOAH: Oh I will say, I do think I cooked the noodles too a little long, they’re a little soft. Next time I would not cook them so long

ANDY: Or show ‘em some noodle porn.

NOAH: Make ‘em firm up.

So here’s the picture from Noah’s Facebook of his version:

Look at it! Delicious…

Here is the photo from the actual recipe (for those of you too lazy to click over there.)

That looks yummy too doesn’t it? So then I tried to make this tonight. The problem is the recipe is not very specific. You’re supposed to use “a good glug” of something or “a few” of something else and then cook it “until the tomatoes are lightly softened, but not mushed.” How about some NUMBERS fool?! How many tablespoons, how many minutes? Because mine turned out like this…

Attractive? No. But fortunately it was indeed very tasty. So enjoy that and until next time, “Don’t Masturbate in te Kitchen!”

Day 16:

Another late blog today…but with a much better reason. Tonight, I got a last minute call to do stand-up. I guess some other comic had to cancel…I dunno the details, but it ends with me doing a set at the Crows Nest in Santa Cruz. I love this venue. When I first started, other comics would always talk about it like it was a horror show. I guess, crowds there can be rowdy, loud, and generally very hostile. I don’t know if it’s luck or if my particular brand of comedy clicks with that crowd, but that has never been the case for me. I’ve always had a great time at the Crow’s Nest. Tonight was no exception.

One of the perks of the room is that it is usually packed with very attractive college-age people. Half of those people are women. Obviously, I’m happily married, but good scenery is always appreciated. Tonight there were many lovely ladies in the crowd. Most of them were the typical stuck up looking gals who look like they want nothing to do with me. Which suits me just fine. I doubt they want to talk about their concerns about the Superman reboot, so it’s best we leave it at “thanks for coming to the show.”

However there was one gal tonight who I’m pretty sure was trying to send some signals my way. First off, when I was on stage she kept “wooing” at me. Which is not uncommon for drunk people, so I didn’t think much of it. Then during my “nerd” chunk, she kept screaming “I love nerds!” Well, I didn’t believe that for a second, so again I assumed she was just drunk and wanted to yell out.

After my set, I’m at the bar getting my free root beer (like a BOSS) and she comes up to me and says I was “the best comedian ever.” At this point it is clear that she is either really drunk or that the only comedians she has ever seen are me, Katt Williams, and Larry the Cable Guy. I say, “thanks,” and she shows me her drink and says, “wanna help me finish this?” Well first of all, clearly you want every drop of that, my dear. Second of all I do a five minute bit in my act about being married. I know you heard it, you were in the front row. But no problem, thanks to my lack of dentist visits and my love of Skittles, I now have a sure fire way to put an end to this nonsense. So I smile at here revealing my missing tooth (like a…failure). To my surprise and dismay, she does not run screaming, she edges in a little closer to that uncomfortable “in my personal space” bubble. Ladies, if a missing tooth doesn’t slow your roll, you are TOO drunk!

Fortunately, the bartender had my root beer at that moment so I grabbed it and said, “nice to meet you.” Then I went back to the other side of the bar.

Postscript: Later on I am watching the headliner’s set and I see the drunken lass again. She is sitting on some dude’s lap. After a few minutes I notice they are making out. The headliner is on stage telling jokes, the crowd is laughing, and these two are snogging up a storm. This lead me to wonder did she a) hook up with this fellow after things with “the best comic ever” didn’t work out? or b) come to the club with that guy and was our interaction doubly inappropriate? For fear of being sucked into her web of drunken debauchery, I did not find out which it was. After all, what is life without a little mystery?

Day 15:

So I’m doing some social networking (aka seeing how many girls who rejected me in high school are still single. Answer? Enough to make me happy) and I come across this ad…

I will now take you through all the reasons this ad pisses me off…

First off, using Steve Jobs just because he just died is cheap. Half the people who click on that don’t think they’ll be getting your BS political preaching, they think their getting information about Steve Jobs or his death. Way to be classy, turd burglar!

Then the “message” of the add seems to be that if Steve Jobs can do what he did without government handouts, then we all can. Yeah, I’m sure we are all just a few nights of hard work away from being Steve Jobs. If only we’d hunker down and focus and stop taking the government dole, we’d be right at his level. Be serious. Even if everyone had the opportunity to try and be Steve Jobs, most of us don’t have the goods. Some people are just not that bright. They don’t have what it takes to create the next “Apple.” They can barely eat an apple and walk at the same time. (But apparently they can make a crappy ad for Facebook).

When I read the line “gov. jobs are not the solution,” I just think…yeah…who needs police to patrol the streets? Heck who needs to keep the streets maintained? Just let the roads go to hell while crime runs rampant. Oh…and crime WILL run rampant, because no teachers are teaching our kids anything…so they all grow up to stab you and take your wallet. Yeah, a world without government jobs sounds super sweet. Die in a fire! (and you will die, because there are no fire fighters to put you out)*

31,233 people like this?! Ugh!

*Yes, this is a straw man argument. I’m aware the ad did not call for an abolishment of all government jobs. It just said government jobs aren’t the solution…and essentially I agree with that. We can’t government job our way out of this. But…

b) I was just trying to be funny. Please don’t come here for serious political arguments. I’m here to say silly things and make typos.

Day 14:

As a comedian, I run into some really funny people. Every so often I meet a comedian that I enjoy so much that I want the world to know. So during this blog-filled October (Blogtober), I’ll be highlighting a wonderful comic each Friday in a feature called TGIF: (This Guy/Gal Is Funny). These won’t be long essays or anything, just a little recommendation on some people to go to when you want to laugh. This week, I want to draw your attention to Laurie Kilmartin.

You might recognize Laurie from Last Comic Standing. She was one of the top 7 finalists. We actually auditioned together…well, not “together.” She wasn’t holding my hand and saying, “You can do it. Don’t be scared.” But we had our audition on the same night. Sadly I did not move on, so I did not get to watch her tear it up week after week. I have, however, had the privilege of working with her…and it’s always a fun time!

My favorite time working with Laurie was up in the bay area where she had a group of “friends” come out to see her show. Why is friends in quotes? Well, you see, one of these friends heckled everybody all night long (yes, even yours truly). Now, that’s not unheard of. If you are there to see one particular comic, and you’re drunker than the people who decided to make $#!% My Dad Says into a TV show, then you might be douchey enough to heckle the other comedians who aren’t your friend. But this guy also heckled Laurie! WTF?! Why come out at all? But Laurie handled it like a pro. It was one of the funniest nights of comedy I’ve been to. (I found out later that the dude was not really even Laurie’s friend…more of an old acquaintance) Laurie is fantastic when things are going right, but there is something magical about a comic who can use comedy-kung-fu to make it hilarious when things go wrong. Fortunately, she has a clip of an even wackier circumstance on her YouTube page for me to share with you:

If you want to hear more of Laurie’s comedy without even leaving your house, you’re in luck. She’s a writer for Conan. I’d also recommend her Twitter feed, @anylaurie16. She posts a lot of fun jokes on there. But I recommend you check in with her website, www.kilmartin.com and find out when she’ll be playing near you. But don’t heckle her or throw rolls! Just shut up and enjoy the comedy!

Bottom line…Laurie Kilmartin: This Gal Is Funny!!!

This blog is a make up for not posting yesterday.

So Cracked posted the results for it’s Photoshop contest today of R-Rated Versions of Classic Disney Movies. Lo and behold, your buddy Tim’s entry appeared at #18.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of looking at the comments section. After reading 197 comments about how the #2 entry was not a Disney movie. I saw one about my entry:

Maybe I missed the joke for the Mulan one, but how is that funny?

Ouch. Wait a minute…I see what you’re doing. You’re trying to get me to be all defensive of my joke and look like an idiot. Well I’m not falling for it. Oh wait, someone replied to this comment.

Ever seen kill bill? I didn’t find it particularly funny, but I liked the reference.

I…no…nope…I’m not going to jump in. What? Another reply?

They merged Mulan with Kill Bill.

Ok…well that doesn’t bother me…

See…Mulan was about an Asian girl and Kill Bill was about an Asi…oh, wait, Uma wasn’t Asian…

Ummm…Mulan was about an Asian girl and Kill Bill had kung-fu and ninjas, which are Asian. Get it?

OK, THAT’S IT!!! Screw you, pal! Way to not get the joke! Mulan is standing in for Uma in Kill Bill because they were both kick ass leading ladies. But Kill Bill was a bloody and violent movie. If Mulan was like that, it would definitely get an R rating (the point of the contest). Plus, the Chinese text on the bottom says “She will cut you!”

But since you’ve dragged me down to your level, let’s see how YOU like it. Let’s take a look at some of your hilarious Photoshop contest entries. Oh…look at that. You haven’t done one in almost a year. What’s the matter? Couldn’t think of anything funny that wasn’t an attempt at attacking your betters in the comment section? Well let’s look at your last entry…it was for the contest “If Oscar Movie Titles Were Truthful.”

Holy wow…a cheap boob joke? Better start writing your Mark Twain Prize Award speech. That is comedy gold! Oh, and maybe you weren’t aware, but “I Still Know What You Did Last Summer” was not an “Oscar Movie.” Not only was it not nominated for best picture, it wasn’t nominated for a single award in any category. Eat a bag of fail.

Thank you for proving the old adage; “Those who can, do; those who can’t, criticize on the internet like impotent little turds.” (I’m pretty sure that’s how it goes)

…oh great…the person who posted the original comment has replied.

Ah, I get it now. Really, I don’t know how I didn’t see it before- I’ve seen “Kill Bill” dozens of times.

Oh…so her comment was a genuine question because she didn’t recognize the Kill Bill poster. So I guess I got all upset for nothing. Ah well, screw that last guy!

Cracked ran another Photoshop contest (as they are known to do), but this one seemed like it had “Tim Babb” written all over it. They told us to show what it would look like if Disney movies got gritty, R-rated reboots. Out of all the entries I submitted, only one got chosen. Ah well, what the Cracked readers missed out on, you get to enjoy. (If you’d like to hear more about my entry that did make the list check out “yesterday’s” blog.)

Davy Crockett
At first I thought this might have been flagged for accuracy since Davy is clearly older than 3 and he’s standing in front of the Alamo. (He was born on a mountain top in Tennessee…greenest state in the land of the free). But then, the #2 entry on the official list wasn’t even a Disney movie. So I assume this was just too awesome.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks
It’s harder than you’d think to find a photo of someone tied to a bed who isn’t naked. In fact, the reason the broom is in that spot is because the young lady in the photo has a little more of herself showing than is safe for work. Oh…and in case you were wondering, “Substitutiary Locomotion” was a spell from the movie that brought inanimate things to life. …so you can guess what that broom is about to do.

Country Bears
I’ll admit, the execution on this one isn’t the best, but I couldn’t find the right source images. I wanted to put Wendell behind Ned Beatty in the infamous “squeal like a pig” scene. But I think the Deliverance joke still comes through.

Flubber
Do you know how many “Blob” movie posters I had to go through before I found this image? 3…so it wasn’t that impressive. Still, if you don’t think it’s funny, flub you!

Great Mouse Detective
Who’s the rat private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks? (Basil!) You damn right!

Pinocchio
Everyone else was doing jokes with his nose…I decided to go a different way.
…a different, disturbing way.

Return to Never Land
Cheap joke? Yes. Does it fit the theme? Not really. But look at those kids’ faces. Totally worth it.

Herbie: Fully Loaded
This would be more accurate if you gave Lindsay the keys these days.

Chicken Little
See in the Disney movie “Chicken Little,” there were actual aliens arriving on earth. So in the reboot, Chicken Little kicks some furry, alien butt!

Treasure Planet
This one was rough. My original plan was to do Treasure Planet in the style of Heavy Metal. Then, midway though making that version of this, someone else posted a Heavy Metal gag. So I scrapped that to go with an anime/tentacle thing. Then I sat through several horrible, soul-scarring movies to get screen shots. I compiled them together to make a poster that suuuuuucked. Then I gave up and made this using a picture of Doctor Octopus’ arms from a Spider-Man comic. Now you know the behind-the-fail of this joke.

Day 11:

I should have been to bed an hour ago. I have to be up in 4 hours. Therefore: this blog sucks. Sorry. Here, watch me on Wipeout again..

Love,
-Tim

Day 10:

I swear I just looked at the clock a second ago and it was 9:15. But as I look now, it’s almost midnight? Why does time pass so quickly these days?

It’s not even like it was when I was a kid where time would pass quickly at recess but slooooooooow during class. Time just zips by all the time now! Doesn’t matter if I’m doing something I want to do or something I hate doing. Time just flashes by.

“Ugh…this root canal sucks! WHAT? It’s been five hours already?! Well, I guess it’s like they say…Time flies when someone’s drilling a hole in your skull!”

I think I may be time traveling at a rate slightly faster than normal time! Quick call Doc Brown, or Bill and Ted, or even (shudder) Dr. Who! I don’t care who you call I just want to be able to do more than one thing after dinner before it’s midnight!

You suck, Time!

Day 9:
I was on Facebook today and confronted with this editorial cartoon.

That’s all well and good. I assumed the message was never forget or take for granted the sacrifices others made for your sweet life. A good message, to be sure. But then I made the classic internet mistake of reading the comments under the photo. Some people clearly gleaned a different message than I did…

A prime example of our country losing its dignity and respect…..keep prayers and pledges in school!

Woah, woah WOAH!!! How did you slip prayer in there? How exactly is forcing all kids to pray under the same belief system going to help? We don’t even know WHY the kid isn’t standing. Is he objecting because the pledge of allegiance is a symbolic chant that means nothing to a kid or is it because he’s a lazy, self-entitled douche bag? …ok, it’s probably the latter. But how will prayer help? Prayer does not stop douche bags from being douche bags. Don’t believe me? You can ask the Phelps family when they show up at Steve Jobs’ funeral to protest.

To be clear, I don’t object to prayer being allowed in schools, i.e. a moment of silence for kids to do whatever they want (pray, daydream, plot ways to make a Ferris Beuler like escape). I’m against any sort of school LEAD prayer. You work on the 3 R’s at school, we’ll work on the afterlife at home.

Somebody needs to whip that boy’s PARENTS instead! ~Doc

Really? You need to WHIP the parents because their kid didn’t stand at attention to salute an inanimate object? The flag doesn’t care, why do you care so much? If there was a second panel to this cartoon and it showed the kid flipping off the vet, THEN you can whip the parents.

Doc – it would be nice to think parents have ultimate control over our children these days, but, hypothetically, that kid’s parents may work two jobs each, leaving him at the mercy of the “friendly” neighbourhood Marxists who reinforce the indoctrination of his teachers…etc. Now life on the NY “Gulag” was more intensely left – a pressure cooker ‘cooked up’ by Columbia School of Sociology and Rockefeller and Co, but the assault on family and parental authority is intense and constant, and I haven’t even started on the media! Besides, how many schools recite the Pledge of Allegiance these days?

Where are all these neighborhood Marxists? Apparently the gang life in New York is not at all what they show on CSY;NY or Law and Order. Is there really an assault on parental authority? It seems like all I ever hear is “that should be up to the parents.” And you hear if from both sides. Seems like people are always looking out for the parents…it’s just that the parents aren’t doing a bang up job.

He NEEDS to Respect the Flag and Our Veterans, WHO were killed or injured in the line of duty defending and protecting that he is DISRESPECTING. By disrespecting the Flag, He is also saying F —- You to Our Vets. I admit, that I don’t know the words of the Pledge or National Anthem by heart, but I ALWAYS STAND UP when I see a US Flag, when I am able to stand that is.

“You have to respect the flag or else you’re spitting in the face of the soldiers who fought for your freedoms…I didn’t bother to learn the silly chant but YOU should! So shame on you for not!” -Johhny Hypocrite

If he fought to defend that right, wouldn’t it be more insulting NOT to use that right?

Let’s say you put in a lot of time and effort and money to get me a present…a new state of the art laptop. Then a few months later you come to my house and see the box sitting on the floor unopened. Wouldn’t you be insulted?

Just a thought.

Oh wait…I wrote that one. Tee hee! I’m sure there are flames a comin’. Stay tuned.

This week, the boys say goodbye to Steve Jobs and along the way talk tech, movies, and tv. Plus a Monday Night TANfight pitting Damien from The Omen against Kevin from Home Alone!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Reddit, Dave in the UK, and Dan.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

@SOWTblog on Twitter
http://twitter.com/SOWTblog

People Looking Scarred at Haunted House
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nightmaresfearfactory/with/6140976273/

Scared Lady with Arm Flab
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nightmaresfearfactory/5985158823/in/photostream

The Evolution of Scared
http://www.flickr.com/photos/nightmaresfearfactory/5985158501/in/photostream/

Louis CK Phone/Wi-Fi Bit
http://youtu.be/8r1CZTLk-Gk

Naked Lady Bounce House (NSFW)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27fLMvryCn4

Day 8:

So the other day I’m at the store and I buy some instant brown rice (Yeah, that’s how I roll, son). Nothing too fancy, just the store brand.

Unfortunately I have thrown away the box…otherwise I would have gotten a better picture of these instructions.

If you can’t tell, that first line (circled in red) actually says, “Open box.” NOW you tell me! All this time I’ve been trying to cook the rice like this…

Day 7:

As a comedian, I run into some really funny people. Every so often I meet a comedian that I enjoy so much that I want the world to know. So during this blog-filled October (Blogtober), I’ll be highlighting a wonderful comic each Friday in a feature called TGIF: (This Guy/Gal Is Funny). These won’t be long essays or anything, just a little recommendation on some people to go to when you want to laugh. This week, I want to draw your attention to Brian Scolaro.

I met Brian when I was neck deep in the thick of the comedy scene in LA. He has the unique ability to make me laugh at the very core of my being. He does a but about sports fanatics shouting out that had me on the floor gasping for air. that He is all at once relatable and ridiculous. I’ve been lucky to be on a few shows with Brian and it is a delight to watch hm work. What’s more he’s a great and unassuming guy off stage.

Many episodes ago, I mentioned this bit on TANcast. I still think it’s an amazing piece of wroting/performance. (It just sucks that Comedy Central bleeps it)

The video just doesn’t do him the full justice. This is a comic I HIGHLY recommended you see live! If you’re in the San Francisco area, he’ll be at the Punchline October 12ht-15th. (Or you can check his schedule for when he’ll be playing near you)

Bottom line…Brian Scolaro: This Guy Is Funny!!!

Day 6:

So Kiki asked in a recent comment what my thoughts were on Avatar coming to Walt Disney World. Normally, that’s the kind of thing I’d do on a Kingdom Comedy video, but sadly I just don’t have the time these days. Also, I doubt we’ll talk much about it on the podcast since the other two probably don’t really care one way or the other. So I thought I’d give my thoughts here.

I’m of two minds on this. On one hand it makes perfect sense. Avatar is the biggest movie of all time. Kids loved it, adults loved it, I think even some pets loved it. Animal Kingdom is arguably the least attended park at Disney World, so even though the theme is bit of a stretch, it’s not a horrible idea. Plus the environments they could create would be amazing. Fleshing out the planet Pandora as an environment that we can interact with would be super cool. Especially if it’s done on with a similar level of detail that Universal put into Harry Potter. I’m sure they could get some great rides, stage shows, and character meet and greets out of it. They could even do a stunt show where we get to watch Na’vi fight it out with…whoever it is they’re fighting. (I don’t really remember the movie that well)

On the other hand, it just seems so…non-Disney. I wonder if this was how folks my age at the time felt when Star Wars came to the parks. I don’t know. It feels like it doesn’t belong. ESPECIALLY at Animal Kingdom? Are we calling the Native American allegories animals? Seems like a much more natural fit for Hollywood Studios. You could add a visit to Pandora to that somewhat lackluster “Studio Tour.” Plus that’s the park that Star Wars is in. What happens when the Empire visits Pandora? I dunno, but it would be fun to see. But mostly I have the same problem with devoting an entire “land” to Avatar that I do with Disney California Adventure’s upcoming Carsland…it’s a whole land for one film. (Yes, there are two Cars films now, but the land is clearly based off the first movie only. The second one wasn’t even finished when they were planning this place out). Avatar is just one movie. One ride and maybe a show would be fine…but a whole “land?!” Come now, let’s be reasonable. If there’s a Sci-Fi franchise that deserves a whole land to itself, it ain’t Avatar…I think you know where I’m going with this…

Day 5:

Poetry is a way to express complex emotions that are hard to get across using simple prose. Poems often use odd language to help illustrate abstract concepts. Pop songs, on the other hand, tend to rhyme…and that’s pretty much it. They make little sense when held up to scrutiny. That’s why I started this series of blogs where we take a closer look at some song lyrics. This time we take a look at Juice Newton’s “Queen of Hearts”

Midnight,
and I’m a-waiting on the twelve-oh-five
Hoping it’ll take me just a little farther down the line

So far so good. We’re at a train station that, for some reason, has a train scheduled to depart at five minutes past midnight. Seems pretty late to me but, I’m more of a car person.

Moonlight,
you’re just a heartache in disguise;
Won’t you keep my heart from breaking
if it’s only for a very short time

Ok…the moonlight is a heartache in disguise? Or the person she’s singing to is a heartache in disguise and she blurted out “Moonlight” before she told him that?

If she’s singing to the guy then it makes sense that he’s asking him not to break her heart. However, if she’s singing to the moonlight, then she’s doing some weird magic incantation to ask the moonlight to intervene in matters of the heart? You’re losing me here, sister.

Playing with the queen of hearts,
knowing it ain’t really smart
The joker ain’t the only fool
who’ll do anything for you

Now we’re playing poker. Ok…I know this is a metaphor. Let’s see if we can’t sort it out. So I guess the singer is the Queen of Hearts…as in she’s wearing her heart on her sleeve for this guy. I must therefor assume that the line about the joker means that the queen of hearts is also “wild.” Aww yeah…she’s wiiiiiild! She’ll do “anything” for you. This song is getting better!

Laying out another lie,
thinking ’bout a life of crime
That’s what I’ll have to do
to keep me away from you

Wait…what just happened?! She was willing to go wild for the guy a second ago, but now she’s stacking lies on top of each other and committing crimes to keep herself away from him? Is that why she’s at the train station? Someone warn the passengers to get off that train! She’s got a bomb!!!

Honey, you know it makes you mad
Why is everybody telling everybody what you have done
Baby, I know it makes you sad
But when they’re handing out the heartaches
you know you got to have you some

Whoa…now HE’S the guy getting heartache? Is that because they won’t let him visit you in jail after the incident with that train?

Lovers, I know you’ve had a few
But hide your heart beneath the covers
and tell ‘em they’re the only one
And others, they know just what I’m going through
And it’s a-hard to be a lover when you say you’re only in it for fun

Ok… so he’s a male slut. (No surprise there. Look how crazy he’s driving this one lady) But I gather from the end of that verse that she wants to be in a committed relationship with the guy, not just “in it for fun.” If that’s the case why is she turning to a life of crime to keep away from him?

I don’t think this is a song so much as is an insight to the mental breakdown of a very frightened man’s ex-girlfriend. At least the families of the people on the train might get some closure from reading her convoluted ramblings.

R.I.P. Passengers and Crew of the 12:05. You shall be missed

EDIT: Holy wow! I thought th lyrics were odd until I saw the video. What was happening in the 80′s?!

Despite my big win many weeks ago, Cracked still feels the need to ignore my genius. It happened again in the photoplasty contest Fictional Characters on a Budget. The idea being what if your favorite fictional characters had to get by with less (like the rest of us these days) Here are the gems Cracked passed up on…

This would make it so much easier for kids to dress up like Superman.

Don’t tell the kids who the fictional character is in this one.

It’s harder than you think to ad the Flying Spaghetti Monster to a can of Chef Boyardee “pasta.”

“Whooooooo are you?”

“Reply hazy, try again”

I’m now 3 for 5 with my blackface entries. Damn.

I loves me some Jamba Juice. I only go once, maybe twice, a month so I always order the same thing (Citrus Squeeze). I should probably try something new but I don’t want to take any chances that my one Jamba trip for the month will not be delicious. I like what I like. Plus, their ads don’t do a great job of convincing me to try something new…

That ad looks fine at first glance…but take a closer look at the text. It says “try all three,” with an arrow pointing to the food. Now look at the food. I see two wraps and an egg (still in it’s shell) sitting on leaf. Is the egg the third breakfast wrap? How lazy is that?!

I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt that that they at least hard boiled the egg so it’s not just raw egg goo in there. Even then, are you telling me a hard boiled egg and a leaf is my wrap? I gotta take the time to peel off the shell (which, as I recall, is a pain in the butt) and then…wrap the leaf around it? Yum! Is that leaf even edible? Did it just blow in and land near the snacks? Or did Indiana Jones swap out the real third wrap with that egg?

Whatever the case, I’m not buying any of these wraps. Ad fail!

This week, Noah’s friend Max joins the show for a discussion on happy endings (minds out of the gutter please), how to get hook ups, and celebrating anniversaries. Plus the long awaited High Five list: Men We’d Have Sex With.” (You can put your minds back in the gutter)

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

Sorry, no TANlaughs this week
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
Tim on Wipeout (In Case You Missed It Like Max Did)
http://youtu.be/lgIPgj_3m3A

Wipeout On ESPN Sport Science!
http://youtu.be/ivlFxKuPdy0

OctopusMe Store
http://www.etsy.com/shop/OctopusMe

Soul Groove (Chicken and Waffle Sandwich)
http://www.chickenandwafflesandwich.com/

Jimmy Kimmel’s F*@#ing Ben Affleck
http://youtu.be/TwIyLHsk2h4

Seth MacFarlane’s Reaction at Sheen Roast

Wild Night
http://youtu.be/1nPPRQeTxTY

Short blog today since I was busy editing the latest TANcast. I recently snapped this picture of myself with my webcam…

Yes, that’s your boy, Tim, rockin’ a BABYBJÖRN and some flip flops while vacuuming the apartment. I think my favorite part of the picture is Baby Babb looking at the camera as if to say, “Won’t someone get me away from this loser?” Even a five month old knows what “goofball” smells like.

Since I’m clearly ripping off Michael Jackson’s Thriller video for the visuals of “Blogtober,” I thought that the first blog should be a salute to the gloved one. I wanted to do a High Five list of his songs…but I had too many favorites to narrow it down to five. So I decided to pick one album…specifically “Michael,” the posthumous album released last year. Now, the album only has 10 tracks, so every track had a 50/50 shot of making the list. But as you’ll see (and hear) these songs are surprisingly good. Even some of the tracks that didn’t make the list are pretty awesome. “Michael” was a wonderful album. With that, let’s start the High Five…

5) Behind the Mask

At first I wasn’t really feeling this song so much. But then it got to that “disco” sounding chorus. YES! That is a fun jam. When you watch the video, take a close look at 3:39…there’s a dude wearing a Captain EO shirt, but they blurred it out.

4) Much Too Soon

This is a slow, simple song. I’m not usually as big a fan of Micheal’s ballads, but this one really works for me. Apparently it was recorded for the Thriller album. That explains it. That album keeps on giving.

3) (I Like) The Way You Love Me

This one really got caught in my head. Something about the hook is so catchy. I found myself singing along on the first listen. I also like the start where you hear a little of Micheal’s process. But is it me or do the drums not match his “drums?” Still good.

2) (I Can’t Make It) Another Day (Featuring Lenny Kravitz)

I actually heard this when it was “leaked” before Michael even died. I have to say it didn’t catch me. I dunno if they did more work to it but I really like the album version. It’s got smooth verses and a rock out with your king of pop out chorus. Everything I’m looking for.

1) Hold My Hand

No surprise here. I’ve been in love with his song since before the album even came out. Great melody and Akon makes a great duet partner for Michael. The tone of the lyrics is a little dark though…

“The nights are getting darker,
And there’s no peace in sight.”

Seems a little gloomy from a guy who was singing about the man in the mirror a few years ago. Did he somehow lose all hope in humanity? Oh wait…yeah…I guess he had a rough go of it towards the end. Fair enough.

So not a lot of comedy in this first blog, but I got to show MJ some love. So if you liked these songs I recommend picking up the album. It’s got more good stuff on it.

Hee hee hee!!!

But this October, the ghost of Tim Babb returns to blog once a day, every day, all month long. So return here daily for Blogtober…if you dare!!!

Mwaa ha ha ahahahahahhahhaha!!!

Click here to see all the Blogtober posts.

Tim and Noah review Rise of the Planet of the Apes and the boys talk about the 2011 fall season of TV premiers. (Sorry, we ran out of time for the “High 5″ we had planned)

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Mat, Grace, and Sickpedia.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Sickpedia: Website for Sick jokes
http://www.sickipedia.org/

Morgan Freeman on CNN
http://youtu.be/Cm6Iszm31qI

Noah reviews the Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, the boys flesh out a TV series that’s never going to happen, and it’s a historic Monday Night TANfight featuring a combatant that can actually take down Superman!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Reddit, Indiana Bob, and Jonathan.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

The Drinking Buddies Pic Mentioned in the Show Opening
http://twitter.com/#!/DrinkingBuds/status/114228404114554880/photo/1

Drinking Buddies Links
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/

http://www.kbeach.org/

Tim Touching Nose Pic
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Snapshot_20110917.jpg

Running/Pooping/Everest Comic
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=865#comic

Cracked Article About Caring for Your Pet Lindsay Lohan
http://www.cracked.com/article_14879_caring-your-pet-lohan.html

Andy’s Lindsay Lohan Blog
http://tancast.com/2005/05/30/somethings-is-um-different/

Louis CK Dog Bit
http://youtu.be/VMeXGE_a8Gg

This week: Noah reports on his Mexico adventure, Andy tells part 2 of his trip to San Francisco, and Noah spoils the movies Buried and Saw VII (and Saw I).

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Bob, Erin, and Luisa.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Map of Where Noah Was in Mexico
http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Los+Barriles,+Baja+California+Sur+M%C3%A9xico&hl=en&ie=UTF8&sll=28.339148,-113.772584&sspn=32.630868,56.777344&vpsrc=0&t=m&z=15

“Napster Baaaaad!” Video
http://youtu.be/VIuR5TNyL8Y

This week: Geoff steps in while Noah is out of town. Can 3 fathers record a whole podcast without making it all about babies? Also, the Monday Night TANfight is Superman vs Aliens.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Jairo, Reddit, and Todd.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Call of Dooty
http://callofdooty.com/

Zombie Helen Keller Twitter Feed
http://twitter.com/ZmbeHelenKeller

Christopher Walken Reads Goodnight Moon
http://youtu.be/Ob37KzlUEPA

Superman Vs Aliens Comic Book Cover
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61Kh9HriucL.jpg

My Little Ponies Plus Bleeps
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbQgcsr_uW8&lc

Rainbow Dash in the Matrix
http://youtu.be/tReXtRiW7dI

My Little Pony Sings a Fuck Shit Stack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJfZTr8zMsc

Reggie Watts – “Fuck Shit Sack” (This Episode’s Link Sound)
http://youtu.be/CJQU22Ttpwc

This week: Andy prepares to travel west, the boys discus Daniel Day Lewis, the fragility of the movie Big, and an all Futurama Monday Night TANfight: Zoidberg vs Bender.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Peter, Reddit, and Todd.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Tim’s Qapla’ Shirt
http://www.cafepress.com/TimBabb.422124676

Cracked Article About Big
http://www.cracked.com/article_18793_5-reasons-big-had-most-depressing-happy-ending-ever.html

TESD Overkill Podcast
http://smodcast.com/stevedaveoverkill/

Nerdist Podcast
http://www.nerdist.com/category/podcast/

This week: Tim reviews the D23 Expo and talks about his appearance on Wipeout (Including an unedited commentary of his segment by the boys)!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

No TANlaughs this week.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Tim on Wipeout (YouTube Version)
http://youtu.be/lgIPgj_3m3A

Tim on Wipeout (ABC.com Full Episode)
http://abc.go.com/watch/wipeout/SH5568487/VD55140069/contestants-are-dropping-like-flies

Tim’s Before/After Photo
http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/298359_10150404981313906_747133905_10493351_5805413_n.jpg

This week: Andy takes his son to the Winnie the Pooh movie, the boys read listener e-mails, Tim has appearance issues, Andy has work issues, and Tim introduces a new feature: TANcrime Scene!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Don the Raft Guide, CJ, and Grace.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Fresh Tittay Juice Bib
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast.563571669

Fox and the Hound on Mouse Vinyl
http://www.mousevinyl.com/content/fox-and-hound-disneyland-records

“I’m Not Racist” Video That Noah Found
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrgygfwnCJ0

Silly Video Andy Found (NSFW?)
http://youtu.be/RvkWhGVNky4

http://youtu.be/RvkWhGVNky4

Buble Raptor
http://bubleraptor.tumblr.com/

Bread People
http://breadpeople.tumblr.com/

Selleck Waterfall Sandwich
http://selleckwaterfallsandwich.tumblr.com/

Tom Hanks Is a Lot of Animals
http://tomhanksimals.tumblr.com/

This week, long delayed movie reviews of Captain America, Cowboys and Aliens, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Then the boys talk about upcoming movies like Man of Steel, Dark Knight Rises, and Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Finally the winner is announced for the Grace vs Lesley Redheaded Disney Freak Monday Night TANfight.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

No TANlaughs this week.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

“Fresh Tittay Juice” Mug
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast.422967064

Harrison Ford on Kimmel
http://youtu.be/sWTtMdXAazs

Harrison Ford in “Wife Force One”
http://youtu.be/M9GwtRsOYSI

Moviestinger.com
http://moviestinger.com/

First Pic of New Superman
http://www.superherohype.com/news/articles/168111-first-look-at-henry-cavill-as-superman-in-man-of-steel

Anne Hathaway as Catwoman from Dark Knight Rises
http://www.superherohype.com/news/articles/168123-its-anne-hathaways-qcatwomanq-from-dark-knight-rises

Superman Returns Deleted Scene
http://youtu.be/L254X_Mt5YA

You’ve heard the episode, now vote for your favorite. Hurry! Voting ends Sunday, August 7th at 9:30am (Disneyland time) You can vote once a day.

This week the fate of the Redheaded Disney Freak TANfight in your hands, the true meaning of Star Wars is uncovered and Andy is ON A BOAT!!!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Jason, Gary, and Reddit.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Sandy Stec
http://sandystec.com/

Dark Knight Rises Set Pics
http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1668225/dark-knight-rises-photos-bane-bateman.jhtml

Drinking Buddies Podcast
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/

Left Field Cinema Podcast
http://www.leftfieldcinema.com/

TANfight Poll
http://tancast.com/2011/08/03/red-headed-disney-freak-tanfight/

This week the boys give some shout outs, Tim is lonely, Noah chows down, the boys learn of the death of Amy Winehouse, and Andy is on a boat. Plus a special listener vs listener edition of Monday Night TANfight. (Sorry this episode was posted so late…it’s harder than you’d think to find a good photo of ladies jello wrestling)

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Luisa, Jesus, and Todd.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Off The Grid Food Trucks in SF
http://offthegridsf.com/

Tim’s Wins the Cracked Contest
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_228_video-games-from-villains-point-view/

This week, Tim bombs at a gay bar, the boys talk tv, and CJ sends in a great Monday Night TANfight: Lord Voldamort vs Darth Sidious.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Luisa, Luisa, and Kyra.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Unamused Baby Iz Not Amused
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/Unamused-Baby.jpg

Cracked’s Article About Harry Potter
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harry-potter-films-according-to-someone-who-never-saw-them/

Supposed “Sex Scene” In Harry Potter Credits
http://youtu.be/r0FDGvp16cw

David Cross’ Larry the Cable Guy Rant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDimQTJMjB0

5 Famous Ad Campaigns That Actually Hurt Sales
http://www.cracked.com/article_19297_5-famous-ad-campaigns-that-actually-hurt-sales.html

Rejected by Cracked: Movie Mash-Ups
http://tancast.com/2011/07/15/rejected-by-cracked-movie-mashups/

Cracked’s 32 Insane Movie Ideas Built Out of Existing Movie Titles
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_226_32-insane-movie-ideas-built-out-existing-movie-titles/

Cracked Video: Why The Harry Potter Universe Is Secretly Terrifying
http://www.cracked.com/video_18244_why-harry-potter-universe-secretly-terrifying.html

Why am I explaining this game? Because Cracked’s latest Photoshop contest was essentially the same concept but with movie posters. It received the most entries of any of their contests to date. However, many of them were people who completely missed the point. (“Titanic Robocop?” Seriously?) Also, many of the entries were mine. Sadly only one of my entries (Arguably my weakest) made their list. But screw them! What do I have a blog for if not to make a list of my own. BEHOLD…

Dark Knight + Night at the Opera
I was so proud of this when I made it. Even though every other person was doing a Dark Knight entry, I really thought this stood out. Look at Groucho’s face! He looks so bored as Batman. And if you’re wondering what Chico’s button means, watch this clip from Night at the Opera.

Three Men and a Baby + Baby Mama
I thought this one was a shoe in. Look ad Danson’s face! Plus the wet stain on Selleck’s crotch! Plus the tagline with a reference to Ralph Garman’s favorite insult. What more do you need?!

Spider-man 2 + Two Weeks Notice
Is it wrong to use a sequel number to make it work? I say “no”

Superman III + Three Amigos
And I say no again!

Ocean’s 12 + 12 Angry Men
And I say no a third time. (It was harder than I thought to get that knife over Clooney)

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back + Backdraft
You can’t tell, but that’s not just random fire behind them, it’s the actual Backdraft poster. That was a lot of work for no good reason…kinda like all of these.

Nightmare Before Christmas + Christmas Vacation
I stumbled upon the holiday genre and it bore ripe, ripe fruit…

Passion of the Christ +Christmas Story
Ralphie on the cross…too much? Well I hope Jesus has a sense of humor…

Jesus Christ Superstar + Star Trek: First Contact
I really hope Jesus has a sense of humor…and that he’s a Trekkie.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country + Country Bears
Speaking of Star Trek…what do singing bears need with a starship? (I know, that’s Star Trek V, but work with me here)

A Bugs Life + Life is Beautiful
Only Pixar could make an animated Holocaust animated comedy. Can’t wait for the theme park ride.

Fantastic Four + Four Rooms
I’m not sure what this movie would be about, but I would hate to be Tim Roth a second after this picture was taken.

Superman + Man on the Moon
…apparently I had a thing for superhero movie mash ups.

Air Force One + One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
This was the first entry I made. It’s not amazing…but can you picture crazy Jack on the plane with President Harrison? Hell yeah!

Something About Mary + Mary Reilly
I knew “Something About Mary Poppins” would be taken so I decided to go a different way. And that 17 year old movie needed to be taken down a peg.

Muppet Treasure Island + Island of Dr. Moreau
…and good luck getting to sleep tonight. Wave goodbye to your inner child.

This week, no Andy so Tim and Noah are on their own. You’ll hear how an old lady puts the moves on Noah, Tim offends drunk people, the boys discuss pricey food options, they debate the necessity of Magnum condoms, Noah discovers that parents and technology don’t mix..and finally a special guest drops by for the end of the show.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Logan, Thomas, and Mike.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Off The Grid Food Truck in SF
http://offthegridsf.com/

“Whynn-ing” T-Shirt
http://smodcast.com/babbleon/pics/jul2/2.jpg

Article About Transformers 3
http://entertainmentweekly.tumblr.com/post/7303751373/transformers-3-in-which-michael-bay-turns-optimus

Harvey’s in SF (The Bar Where Tim will be doing Comedy on July 12, 2011)
http://www.harveyssf.com/

Friend of the show, Geoff, returns to debate Transformers 3 with Noah, Andy reviews Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole, and the boys discuss stereotypes in comedy. This week’s Monday Night TANfight pits 2011 Summer Blockbusters against each other: Green Lantern vs Optimus Prime.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Erin, Grace, and Mike.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Scenes from the Island Used in Transformers 3
http://youtu.be/H7kcqB3thJM

Tim Is Gay Song
http://tancast.com/2008/03/31/gay-gay-gay-gay-gaaaaayyyyyyy/

Green Lantern Makes Fists Alot
http://www.cracked.com/funny-6367-hal-jordan/

Green Lantern Makes Kryptonite
http://www.comicvine.com/hal-jordan/29-11202/can-green-lantern-create-kryptonite/92-529088/

Ghost of Starscream
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQJdClZT6-M

This week, the ethics of dating a porn star, the difference between ocean and sea, and the boys forget things and look them up on-line (exciting). Plus it’s a Political Pundit Punch-Out on Monday Night TANfights as Glenn Beck goes toe to toe with Chris Matthews.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Todd, Dean, and Luisa.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Comedian/”Spoken Word Guy” Mike Birbiglia
http://www.birbigs.com/

Mark Russell
http://www.markrussell.net/

Black Betty Amber Lamps Remix (Epic Beard Man)
http://youtu.be/jh0TOeo4noI

Reporter Tries To Tell the Dali Lama a Joke
http://youtu.be/xlIrI80og8c

White Women’s Workout
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/3w3f

This week, Noah makes a big life change, Tim reviews Green Lantern, Andy finally sees Get Him to the Greek, and the boys talk race relations. And it’s a shitty character face off on Monday Night TANfights as Star Wars’ Jar Jar Binks vs Star Trek’s Neelix. Who ever loses, we win!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Matt, Todd, and Matt.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Drinking Buddies Podcast
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/

The Morning Stream Podcast
http://frogpants.com/podcasts/tms/

Bums Outside Noah’s Apartment
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Bum-Pushing-Bum.jpg

For those of you who don’t visit Cracked often, these people are in love with Teddy Roosevelt. He is the Chuck Norris of Cracked.com. Which is why he would be the most interesting man in the world, right? Makes sense. Unfortunately, everyone and their mom made a Teddy entry. The one of the only historical figures who was used more was Adolf Hitler…which lead me to create this…

Technically Jesus was actually used more than Hitler and Teddy…but I figured a picture with Jesus and Hitler might offend a lot of people who wouldn’t take a second to appreciate the context.

Do you know how hard it is to find a picture of Neil Armstrong that people will recognize? It’s impossible. I had to Photoshop the moon landing in the background just so people could tell who he was. But still…that is a great joke!

It’s even harder to find a picture of Julius Caesar. (It’s almost like they didn’t even have cameras back then) So this is just some random chuckle head in a costume. But someone else posted a great pic of a Caesar stature holding a pair of Twix bars and the tagline said “Eat Two Brute.” Also genius! Neither got picked for the article. Cracked is a bunch of Caesar haters!

Star Trek (2009)
C’mon people! A red shirt joke! What better example of a minor character could there be?

Captain EO
I knew this one wasn’t getting picked…but it made me laugh (and took ridiculously long to make). For those who don’t know, comedian and podcast giant Doug Benson was an extra in the Disney 3D film Captain EO. His character was so minor that I’ve tried 30+ times to look for him and haven’t been successful yet.

Simpsons Movie
Remember the scene towards the end o the movie where Marge and the kids come back to the dome and Moe has declared himself emperor? No? Neither did the judges.

Ghostbusters
Slimer…he’s like Brad Pitt in Oceans 11. Every time you see his character, he’s eating. However, 2 other Ghostbusters entries made the list. So I can’t fault them for skipping this one.

Galaxy Quest
Remember those aliens that look all cute one second and then hideous and evil the next? This poster celebrates that dichotomy. It also celebrates failure…much like it’s creator.

Rocky
In the opening scene of the first Rocky movie, Rocky is in a fight with some dude you never see again (until Rocky VI aka Rocky Balboa). The fighter is Spider Rico. Spider headbutts Rocky to try and win the fight. If only the judges at Cracked knew this, they might have picked this gem.

The Muppets Take Manhattan
Do you know how much work went into recreating that stupid Sex and the City font? Too much! (Too bad there isn’t a horse Muppet, that would have made this perfect)

Men In Black 2
I thought this was perfect. Michael has one scene in the whole movie (two if you count his voice over). One of his 3 lines was about how he got a treaty signed. BOOM! Comedy magic! But noooooooooooo. Not to Cracked. I’m off to go sulk until they release the next contest where I don’t get picked.

*You may notice that there is no link to the Cracked contest in this blog. Screw ‘em. At the time I’m posting this, their article has been viewed 370,492 times. I don’t think the entire TANcast site has been viewed that much since we started.

This week, the boys are getting old as they talk about some movies (old and new), video games (old and new), and the iPhone (just new). Monday Night TANfights is brimming with evil this week ate John Doe (from the movie Se7en) takes on Hannibal Lecter.
[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Grace (happy belated birthday), Matt, & Jo.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

The Film Sack Podcast Reviews Ghostbusters 2
http://filmsack.com/2011/06/film-sack-76-the-one-about-ghostbusters-ii/

Hannibal s John Doe as Played Out On Some Blog
http://www.myslocounty.com/node/404/results

It’s (almost) all about superheroes this week! Superhero movies, superhero alter egos, and superhero costumes! Plus it’s roundhouse kicks to the death on Monday Night TANfights as Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap faces off against Walker: Texas Ranger!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in stolen from Ralph Garman via Hollywood Babble-On.
Send in YOUR jokes to us at fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Cracked Article About Movie Trailers
http://www.cracked.com/blog/i-cant-tell-if-movies-are-being-serious-anymore/

Cracked Photoplasty Contest Where Tm Placed 18th, 17th and 16th
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_207_how-well-really-use-cloning-technology/

REAL Green Lantern Costume
http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/8/2010/07/green_lantern.jpg

“Weird: The Al Yankovic Story” (Mock Trailer)
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/3r9l

Scott Bakula Shirtless (1)
http://popcultureplaypen.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/scott-bakula-pants.jpg

Chuck Norris Picture
http://media.techworld.com/cmsdata/news/3213248/chucknorris.jpg

Scott Bakula Shirtless (1)
http://www.kingdomofleo.com/knightlydelights/2009/images/0922bakula04.jpg

List of the Biggest Penises In Hollywood
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.gossip.celebrities/msg/5f134aeb73401d11?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&c2coff=1&edition=us&rnum=1

This week, Noah goes off the grid, someone gets a bionic hand, Tim auditions for the Mickey Mouse Club, the boys do “Long Kiss Goodnight: The Radio Drama” and it’s a classic comedy team Monday Night TANfight as the Marx Brothers take on the Three Stooges.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Tom, Yngwie, and Jo.
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Bionic Hand
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-13378036

Groucho/Harpo Mirror Scene
http://youtu.be/j5lU52aWTJo

Harpo/Lucy Mirror Scene
http://youtu.be/4iNLlYOgFZ4

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – Nuking the Fridge
It’s the scene everyone talked about…including us in our first episode of TANcast. To be fair, this one wasn’t “rejected” but it was placed at number 18. Number 18? I thought it deserved better. Especially since I made the extra in-joke of using Uncle Owen’s skeleton form Star Wars.

Hulk – Bruce Banner Dies
C’mon now! We all know Bruce wouldn’t have survived that crap.

Batman Returns – Bruce Wayne’s Eye Make Up
This always bugged the crap out of me as a kid. In the movie, he takes of his mask and has a perfectly clean face. Where did his eye make up go? We can see he’s wearing it! Don’t pretend like the movies suddenly got goofy when Schumacher took over!

Superman Returns – Bugs in His Grill
I was amazed at how many Superman entries there were. Sadly mine was the only one that made it (at #10…really? This is better than the Indiana Jones fridge? How?!) I was gonna do this with Christopher Reeve…but it felt wrong.

Scream – Killer Garage Door
I’ll admit the execution isn’t the best on this one, but this scene always bugged me. No way a garage door would have lifted Rose McGowan’s fat ass* off the ground. I’ve held on to a garage door and it wouldn’t even lift ME…and I don’t have two massive fun bags weighing me down! (*fat by Hollywood standards…not real humans)

Speed – The Bus Jumps a Gap
This was the one that I was AMAZED didn’t make the list. Everyone mocks this scene and I have to say I totally nailed it. It’s the bus from Speed doing exactly what it would do after hitting a gap in the freeway…plummeting straight to Earth, killing everyone on board before the bomb even goes off. If nothing else, I’m sure Andy likes this one.

This week, the boys discuss the rapture, Tim has anger issues, and Noah drinks mead. Then it’s Gandalf vs Cthulhu in an epic (and tangent filled) Monday Night TANfight!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Luisa, Luisa, & also Luisa.
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Cracked Awful Inventions Photoshop Contest
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_201_16-awful-inventions-well-probably-see-this-decade/

“Prevent AIDS: Give a Handy” Shirt
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast.418678212

Go The Fuck To Sleep Book
http://www.amazon.com/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach/dp/1617750255

Captain Jack Sparrow Song
http://youtu.be/GI6CfKcMhjY

Goofy Lord of the Rings Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QAlt4Sfl7Q

Tune in Monday, won’t you?

Tim goes to Monterey, Noah does porn (sorta), and a last minute TANfight between two Hedgehogs (Sonic and Ron Jeremy).

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Jairo, Google, and Todd.
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Mario and Sonic Together (Video)
http://youtu.be/kBA_Ws2O75s

Failbook: Jesus vs Batman
http://failbook.failblog.org/2011/05/04/funny-facebook-fails-jesus-vs-batman/

Tim is back and the show is as scattered as ever! Try to keep up and you’ll hear about current events, rape in Bambi, a new feature from Noah called “Film Reality” (working title), Tim’s childbirth experience, and the “triumphant” return of Monday Night TANfights as Boba Fett Takes on Indiana Jones.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Luisa, Lindsey, and Todd.
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Obama at the Correspondence Dinner (Ripping Donald Trump starts at 9:17)
http://youtu.be/n9mzJhvC-8E

Cute Kids’ First Kiss Video
http://youtu.be/iEN-kHe5o_Y

Video Of Guy Dropping A Bunch Of Weight
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/video/365-days-of-exercise

More Info on The Weight Dropper
http://www.johnstonefitness.com/

Baby Babb’s White Noise
http://youtu.be/A1sLeQMSxdo

“Epic Meal Videos”
http://epicmealtime.com/

Star Wars Weekend 2010 at Disney World (Boba Fett vs Indiana Jones)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biJLNXBsjk8&t=17m8s

Boba Fett Armor
http://images.wikia.com/starwars/images/5/56/Boba_Fett_SWG.jpg

So TANcast will be coming back soon. But over on the TANcast Facebook page, there have been some folks who have voiced displeasure with the TANfights feature. So we put it to you folks. Should we keep pitting fictional characters against each other at the end of each show? Or should the show just trail off into oblivion like it did before we started TANfights? So should TANfights return when the show does? Your votes will decide!

Just a quick update for the TANcasties and TANnasties.

First, a quick aside to set the stage: I love my PS3. The build quality, the noise (or lack thereof), the graphics power, the Blu-Ray player; it kicks my Xbox 360′s ass in every way but the online experience (PSN is no match for Xbox Live, but it’s free) and maybe the controllers (mostly a wash). I default to the PS3 version of multi-console releases unless reviews say the PS3 version sucks or I want to play with my brother (who only has a 360).

Back to the hack. Because I follow gaming press, I’ve known since Monday that my bank card data (and address, and full name, and…) could be in the wrong hands. I’ve already contacted my banks and am in the process of setting up fraud alerts with credit reporting agencies. This is a big fat pain in my ass that I don’t need right now, but shit happens.

I was just a bit angry and disappointed at the beginning of the week. Now my blood is boiling.

This morning I finally got an official email from Sony warning me about the hack and providing a ton of information about what I should do to protect myself. Essentially it reiterated everything I already knew from other sources.

News has an incentive to provide detailed information as fast as possible and corporations have incentives (including inertia) to delay releasing detailed information, but if Sony gave half a shit about protecting their customers they would have treated this exactly like what it was: a race between their customers and the hackers to secure or compromise accounts.

Instead, they waited a full week after they shut PSN down to notify me. A week.

Here was my reply:

I have 2 questions:

1) Why was my password (to say nothing of my personally-identifiable information) stored in plain text?

Seriously, has Sony not heard of using per-user salts and hashing? How about just hashing? Encrypting the “passwords” table? No? Fan-fucking-tastic.

2) Why did you wait a week to inform me?

If I HAD used the same password in multiple places, the hackers would have had 9-11 days to find those accounts and compromise them, wouldn’t they? At this point, if they wanted to screw me I’d already be screwed. Clearly Sony knew something was amiss when you shut the PSN down a WEEK ago. Why did it take 7 more days to think “Hey, Andy might be vulnerable. We should really tell him!”?

Let me be clear: I know hacks happen. I know fraud happens.

I’m furious because your incompetence and tight-lipped handling of the fiasco put me at additional risk and for longer than needed. You’ve burned through all my trust and goodwill.

For what it’s worth, I’ve spent my last dollar on the PSN, and quite possibly with Sony. I know I’m a drop in the bucket, but multiply me by a few million pissed-off fanboys you guys just lost…

Microsoft and Nintendo have their issues, but at least they haven’t (yet) left 75 million users with their asses hanging out for a week.

- Andy

I think that about sums it up.

UPDATE: Turns out Sony has heard of hashing passwords, but perhaps not about updating software.

Tim sits this week out and Andy and Noah are on their own. Noah goes golfing, they discuss the relentless march of father time and the future of home entertainment, and Andy shows his usual love for Jesus Freaks (Happy Easter, kids)!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

No TANlaughs or TANfights this week

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Happy Gilmore “It’s All In The Hips”
http://youtu.be/7PbRZ5QMAs0

I can’t recall how long ago it was but I think I said I might do a blog post about what apps I love on my iPhone for Jess. So here it is, better late than never right?

Google Mobile:
I have started using the Google Mobile app a lot more these days. It used to have no background support, so if you went to some other app or your home screen and went back, it would reset back to the search field, instead of keeping the website you clicked on up.They have since fixed that and I think it is a pretty useful app. Free App.
iTunes Link

Evernote:
For those who don’t know, Evernote allows you to capture information and store it in the cloud. You can do audio, picture and text notes and it has a browser plugin that will allow you clip websites. I use it to capture all sorts of info like recipes, product information and I even uploaded pictures for my home owner’s insurance. I rarely ever make notes via the iPhone app but I do look up stuff quite regularly. Another similar service is called Springpad, it can do things like look up move times and product info for things that you clip or enter. It seems very cool but since I already have so much data in Evernote, that I have trouble switching. Free app but you can pay to get more storage for your notes.
iTunes Link

1Password:
This is a paid app for your computer but I use it all the time. It basically is a password manager but it makes it easier to use more secure passwords, instead of passwords I can recall. Since all you really need to remember is your master password. Another feature I love is that you can store your password database within Dropbox. So if I make a change on my iPhone or on my home computer, it will synch to both. iPhone App is paid and the computer software costs as well.
iTunes Link
Website

Runkeeper:
Those who have friended me on Facebook and haven’t blocked my Runkeeper updates, know how much I use this app. At this point I would work out either way but I am nerdy and I like seeing the data and my improvements over time. For those that don’t know this app can track your exercise via GPS and give you stats and you can manually enter work outs as well, such as a stationary bike or treadmill. They also have a website interface. Free App.
iTunes Link

Loseit:
This app tracks your calories/nutrition and can tell you how many calories you can have if you want to lose weight. I don’t use this app as much anymore but I feel it really helped me lose a lot of my weight. Before I had no idea how many calories I was eating every day, so it was a bit of an eye opener. That being said it can get tedious tracking all your calories but I would say use it for a few months, to at least have a better idea of how many calories are in the foods you eat. Has a website interface. Free App.
iTunes Link

Appshopper:
This is an iPhone app tracking app. It can tell you which apps have changed price, gone free, have an update. I mostly use it to notify me of price drops on apps I want but don’t want to pay the original price for. Free App.
iTunes Link

Yelp:
I love this app, I know it can track all sorts of businesses but I mostly use it to find new food places to try. I like using it when trying to find a new place to try nearby. Free App.
iTunes Link

That is just a small sampling of the apps I used. I have quite a few game apps loaded but they are mostly the game apps you have heard about like Words with Friends, Bejeweled 2, Death Rally, World of Goo and Angry Birds.

I have a lot of other apps I find useful for me but sure they are for everyone such as Week Calendar, Delivery Status, Flixster and TV Forecast.

Feel free to email me if you want to know about any of the other apps I use.
Noah

Treasure of the Sierra Madre

C’mon…Oregon Trail reference? WINNING!

The Birds

Ok, so they already had a birds entry on the list this week. But mine’s really gross. Aren’t there points for that? (I’m being told there are not, in fact, any points for that. …ok that’s a lie. I’m not being told anything, I’m sitting by myself in my living room. *sigh*)

Kramer vs Kramer

This wasn’t the most amazing job on the world…but I was amazed no one thought of it. Plus I added their kid watching the action on the right side of the screen.

Blair Witch Project

Yeah…I knew this one was stretching the limits of what you’d call a “classic” movie, but the idea of a video game where you couldn’t see what was going on because of the crappy camera work made me laugh.

Mr. Smith Goes To Washington

I thought this one fit the theme perfectly. A great movie…but how do you make a playable game out of it? Perhaps like this? (Perhaps not)

Spartacus

I thought the idea that you play as the bad guys was funny. Also, there actually is a Spartacus and a Tony Curtis (whatever his character’s name was)…that’s dedication, friends.

The Towering Inferno

This one isn’t amazing either, but I just HAD to get an Elevator Action reference in. That game was a classic.

Duck Soup

THIS was the one that broke my heart. I actually thought I had a shot at winning with this one. Turning the Mario Bros. into the Marx Bros. seemed like such a good idea, I figured someone must have done it already. When I googled it and saw that no one had, I made this bad boy. Several people on the Cracked message board complimented it including one who used the phrase “theres no shame in losing to this entry.” But that’s what happens when you believe you’re own hype….you get your hopes up, just to be dashed.

Ah well, on to the next one. This is the most work I’ve ever done for $50…that I never get. Oh if you want to see my entries that made it they are #18 (my weakest) and #7 here.

This week, Andy gets old, Tim prepares for baby, and it’s a Willis on Willis Monday Night TANfight where John McClane (Die Hard) takes on Frank Moses (Red).

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Todd, Todd (again), & Tom.
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Jon Stewart Mocks Glenn Beck
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-april-7-2011/intro—jon-tells-the-truth-while-wearing-glasses
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-april-7-2011/glenn-beck-announces-his-departure
http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-april-7-2011/glenn-beck-was-sent-by-jesus

Beggin’ Strips Comercial
http://youtu.be/CErapf79rqM

Red Fight Scene
http://youtu.be/WDPK0dtuSc0

Red Car Scene
http://youtu.be/Gf6ooUwJ9v4

This week Tim discovers the positive contributions of Rebecca Black, Noah discovers a new bacon treat at Denny’s, Andy discovers the Drinking Buddies Podcast, a drunk fan “discovers” Tim, and you will discover Noah’s review of Source Code and Tim whining about his “Karma” on Cracked.com. Plus it’s a ultra-featherweight Monday Night TANfight where Christian Bale’s character from the Machinist must battle it out with Adrien Brody’s character from The Pianist.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by CJ, Reddit, and Todd.
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Tim’s April Fools Baby Rick Roll
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Babb-Jr.gif

Andy’s April Fools Joke From Last Year
http://tancast.com/2010/04/01/a-letter-from-the-n-in-tancast/

Rebecca Black Funny or Die Video
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6c4e44a1af/which-seat-should-i-take-w-rebecca-black

Tim’s “Rejected By Cracked” Series
http://tancast.com/index.php?s=rejected+by+cracked&search.x=0&search.y=0

Record the Opening to TANcast
http://tancast.com/2011/03/28/we-want-you-to-open-the-show/

Axe/Knife Combo
http://consumerist.com/2011/04/combination-axeknife-recalled-due-to-laceration-hazard.html

This week, it’s a whole episode of Monday Night TANfights with fight submitted by our listeners. Some of the fights include: Scrooge McDuck vs Darkwing Duck, Noah vs Andy, Trinity vs Hit Girl, James Bond vs Jason Bourne, Spider-Man vs Batman, Hayley vs Andy Jr., John McClane vs Bryan Mills, Optimus Prime vs Hulk, & Conan vs Worf. Plus many more!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Comedy Death Ray Podcast
http://www.earwolf.com/show/comedy-death-ray-radio-scott-aukerman

TANcast Intro Script
http://tancast.com/2011/03/28/we-want-you-to-open-the-show/

For almost a year we’ve had the same intro to the show…well we’re switching it up a bit. As you may have heard in our latest episode, we want to hear YOU do it! That’s right, read the script below and send it to us in an mp3 or wav file at tim(at)TANcast.com and you could be hearing your voice read the opening of the next episode of TANcast.

All you have to do is read. You don’t need to add any fancy music or anything like that. Just read it, send it, and then sit back and wait to tell you’re friends that you are on a podcast heard by DOZENS of people! Can’t wait to hear you!

Here’s the script:

Hi this is [your name/nickname/superhero identity] from [city and/or country...or business you'd like to plug] and you’re listening to the TANcast Podcast!

In 2001, 3 friends moved into a house together.

Because their names were Tim, Andy, and Noah; they called the place “the TANhouse.”

By 2007, these friends had gone their separate ways, Andy to Atlanta, Noah to San Francisco and Tim to Los Angeles.

Now they get together on the internet every week and discuss movies, tv, tech, politics, food, Disney, comics, Star Trek, Apple, or sometimes just stories of the good ol’ days.

These conversations are raw, explicit and contain adult themes and content.

This podcast is not recommended for younger listeners.

When you hear this sound, [pause] that means there’s a link to what the boys are talking about in the show notes.

If none of this scared you off, then you are prepared to listen to the TANcast.

It’s one of the hottest nerd debates since “how many ways is Star Trek better than Doctor Who (A million or a billion)?” and we answered it on Monday Night TANfights in TANcast 143. Now it’s your turn, do you agree with the judges or did they make the wrong call? (Poll closes for voting on March 27, 2011 at 10:00am Disneyland Time)

This week, Noah hurts his nut, Andy gets sick, Tim attends childbirth classes, and the boys review Black Swan and Rango…plus a super nerdy Monday Night TANfight where Captain James T. Kirk faces off against Han Solo.

Vote on this week’s TANfight here http://tancast.com/2011/03/21/captian-kirk-vs-han-solo-tanfight-rematch

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Chelsea, Todd, and Reddit.
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

DC Superman/Flash Flame War
http://boingboing.net/2011/03/18/serious-flamewar-shu.html

Wonder Woman’s New TV Costume
http://insidetv.ew.com/2011/03/18/wonder-woman-adrianne-palicki-photo/

Marvel’s The Watcher
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Watcher_%28comics%29

DC’s Monitor
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monitor_%28comics%29

Harve Bennett Criticizes Star Trek 2009 + Talks ‘Starfleet Academy’ Movie & More
http://trekmovie.com/2010/10/28/harve-bennett-criticizes-star-trek-2009-talks-starfleet-academy-movie-more/

Earl Grey Tea Cookies

1 cup all purpose flour
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup powdered sugar
1 tablespoon Earl Grey tea leaves (about 3 bags of tea leaves)
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup vegan Smart Balance

Water (add 1 teaspoon at a time)

In a food processor pulse together the flour, sugar, powdered sugar, tea leaves and salt. Add vanilla and Smart Balance and pulse until dough looks like gravel. Continue pulsing dough adding 1 teaspoon of water at a time until dough forms a ball.

Wrap dough in plastic wrap and chill in the freezer for 30 minutes.

Roll out dough on a floured surface, dough should be between ¼ and ? inches thick. Use small cookie cutters and place on a baking sheet covered in parchment paper.

Preheat oven to 375°F. Bake for 12 minutes or until the edges just start to turn brown.

You heard the TANfight on TANcast 142 now make your voice heard. It’s Aquaman and Sharktopus rematch and YOU get to decide the outcome! Hurry voting ends 3/20/2011 10:00AM (Disneyland time)

The boys take forever to get to TANlaughs, try their best not to be insensitive about the tsunami in Japan, talk zombie ethics, and get a new recipe from Noah!…plus a Monday Night TANfight where Aquaman from the Justice League takes on Sharktopus from Roger Corman’s crappy SyFy Channel movie.

Vote on this week’s TANfight here http://tancast.com/2011/03/14/tanfight-listener-rematch-sharktopus-vs-aquaman

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Robin, CJ, and Mike.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
(Listen to podcast at the bottom of these links)

Drinking Buddies Episode 41 “Speaking of Rape…”
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/2011/03/05/oh-dr-seuss-rape-drinking-buddies-episode-41/

Andy’s TANlaugh from CJ
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Sandpeople-Footprints.jpg

California Man Swept Out to Sea Taking Tsunami Pictures (Article)
http://www.santamariatimes.com/news/local/state-and-regional/article_857561c0-4c1e-11e0-aea5-001cc4c002e0.html

Dead Island Game Trailer (from last week’s show)
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/gdc-11-dead-island/710651

Noah’s Tea Cookies Recipes
http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/dessert/recipe-earl-grey-tea-cookies-013268

Aquaman Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Aquaman17_%281996%29.jpg

SModcast #10: Eating a Chicken’s Soul
http://smodcast.com/smods/smodcast10.html

Sharktopus Trailer
http://www.hulu.com/watch/165345/syfy-original-movies-sharktopus

Charlie Sheen Winning Recipes
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5cwg

Mother Brain (From the Video Game Metroid

Khan from Star Trek II

The Guy Who Yells “Diplomatic Immunity!” AT the End of Lethal Weapon 2

The Lawnmower Man from The Lawnmower Man

Destro and the Baroness from G.I. Joe

…I don’t want to say anything, but damn Destro has a sexy looking body…almost like one of the TANcasters might be behind that mask. …you never know

The boys talk abut Charlie Sheen, Noah’s new Macbook, Steve Mazan’s documentary “Dying to Do Letterman,” …plus a Monday Night TANfight where Zombie Ann Landers goes undead toe to undead toe with Zombie Michael Jackson.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Noah, Reddit, and Maria Bamford.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Cat Bowling Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFztjgfDWDA

Maria Bamford's Website
http://www.mariabamford.com/

Kevin Smith’s SModcast Internet Radio (S.I.R.)
http://silentbobspeaks.com/?p=411

Funny Gif
http://i.imgur.com/YIEao.gif

Dying to Do Letterman Official Movie Website
http://www.dyingtodoletterman.com/

Star Wars Dance Off @ Disney World
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8ZvsFCxxCU&feature=relmfu

Depressing Zombie Game Trailer
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/gdc-11-dead-island/710651

TANfight Poll
http://tancast.com/2011/03/07/tanfight-poll-zombie-ann-landers-v-zombie-michael-jackson/

It’s the undead fight of the century as the zombie King of Pop faces off against the zombie queen of advice columns. Who will win? You heard OUR thoughts in episode 141, now it’s your turn to vote!

You’ve heard Tim, Andy, and Noah give their opinions on TANcast 140…who do YOU think would win?

The boys finally find a topic that disturbs Andy, plus they talk cocktail parties, job hunting, and rich people’s houses…plus a Monday Night TANfight where Lara Croft goes toe to toe with Samus Aran in a special “Sliding Door” double match! (What does THAT mean? Listen and find out.)

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Ulyses, and High School Erin (x2)
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Andy’s Blog
http://tancast.com/2011/02/26/feeling-deep-loss-and-unsure-how-to-express-it/

Newfoundland
http://www.puppypoopy.com/nf1.html

Wesley Willis “Suck A Cheetah’s Dick”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnCk0uGwFZI

I turned on the news to see if there was widespread panicking and rioting, but since they were just talking about Lindsay Lohan’s latest fashion faux pas (“Prison Jumpsuit Orange? Not this season, and certainly not with that complexion!”) and how Julian Assange might be in al-Qaeda, I assume this is a local issue.

Maybe Twitter forgot to pay Comcast their protection money…

Right now I can't even see this.

The whole situation made me want to tweet about how much it sucks when Twitter goes down. It took a moment for the stupidity of that thought to sink in.

That made me want to tweet about what a silly, stupid monkey I can be early on a Saturday morning. Rinse, repeat.

What followed was a strange spiral of uncertainty and mild self-loathing that I won’t recount in detail. Suffice it to say that Real Sugar Dr. Pepper (in the Throwback Can!®) cures all ills.

As the caffeine hit my brain and the empty calories hit my ass, I remembered I have a blog.

Y’know, I really ought to come here more often.

Noah returns(with wonky audio…sorry) and the boys discuss farts (classy) the iPhone tips and tricks, fighting crime with poop…plus a Monday Night TANfight where the Ghostbusters from the Filmation cartoon series take on the Real Ghostbusters.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Erin, Todd, and Reddit
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
The Story of Lara Logan’s Attack in Egypt
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/02/15/60minutes/main20032070.shtml?tag=mncol;lst;2

Justin Bieber Gets Shot
http://www.gifsoup.com/view/1997241/justin-bieber-gets-shot.html

Verizon vs. AT&T Percentage of iPhones (Thanks Todd)
http://labs.chitika.com/iZone/

Filmation Ghostbusters Clothes Changing Machine

This week Noah is away on assignment but Jerry Brandt from the Drinking Buddies Podcast joins the team for for a fail-filled episode where you’ll hear about Tim at a gay bar, the turmoil in Egypt (finally), Andy’s job woes, having children and watching them grow up…plus a Monday Night TANfight where the Smurfs take on Disney’s Gummi Bears.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Chelsea, Hale, and Mike
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

I Am Comic (movie)
http://www.iamcomicmovie.com/

UNICEF Smurf Ad
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/smurf-villiage-bombed-unicef.jpg

The Pigeon is a Lie T-Shirt
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast.418678215

Drinking Buddies Podcast
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/

KBEACH Radio (Where you can listen LIVE to Drinking Buddies Wednesdays at 10pm PT)
http://kbeach.org/

Jerry Brandt’s Twitter
http://twitter.com/HateJerryBrandt

The boys talk about alcoholic kiddie drinks, Superbowl commercials, and so-cal airports. Plus this week is the introduction of Monday Night TANfights: Superman v Darth Vader.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Dean, Jairo, and Reddit.com
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Old Spice Scent Vacation Commercial (Video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3R2cnxz27LI&feature=player_embedded

Tim’s Ice House Shows

http://www.symfonee.com/IceHouse/comedians/Bio.aspx?ShowDate=2/13/11&ShowTime=7:00p&Uid={d44c9bd0-2166-4db1-9b40-97a97cffd802}

http://www.symfonee.com/IceHouse/comedians/Bio.aspx?ShowDate=2/14/11&ShowTime=7:30p&Uid={6660d574-9a9c-4991-b498-32a4640f81f0}

Tim’s Superman Blog
http://tancast.com/2011/02/02/superman-keeping-score/

Darth Vader Being a Jerk (Video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YwLQSTo_ow

Time for Tickles!!!
http://i.imgur.com/8Bnzu.jpg

But the thing that concerns me is something I read about the REASON they cast Cavill. A studio exec was quoted as saying, “We’re really going to try and make Superman as contemporary as possible.” Which some have interpreted as meaning they are going to ditch the John Williams theme that has been synonymous with the character since the 1978 movie. This, to me, is simply not acceptable. The John Williams has become as much a part of the Superman character as his cape and tights. When you see Superman’s big red “S,” the theme starts playing in your mind.

You were humming it before you pressed play, weren’t you?

Fortunately some composers have had the good sense to turn down the assignment already. Hans Zimmer reportedly turned down the job to write a new Superman theme saying, “I’m not thinking of rewriting Beethoven’s ninth, either.” Which is exactly the point. If you write a new theme to Superman, you will not do better or even as good as Williams’. Which only leaves you to do worse.

Sorry Danny…needed SOMEONE for the joke.

I understand they want to reboot the franchise and distance themselves from the 2006 Superman Returns. I get it. Certainly that can be achieved without throwing out the theme altogether. Take a page from 2009′s Star Trek. They used the Alexander Courage Star Trek theme but not until the end. Same with 2007′s James Bond reboot, Casino Royale. They rebooted the CRAP out of that franchise! Different tone, different humor, different action, even a different hair color for the main character…yet they STILL kept the classic Bond theme. Why? Because it’s become part of the character’s cinematic legacy!

So Zack, Christopher, et all…I know you’re trying to rebuild the Superman franchise from scratch, but don’t throw out the baby Kal-El with the bath water. Make sure whoever you get to do the score for the Man Of Steal incorporates his iconic theme. Or better yet…

THAT’S what I’M talkin’ about

Noah and Tm go to Macworld 2011, Andy hates BluRay ads, the boys cut their losses on some TV shows, and we find out farts are funny.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Jo, Todd, and Reddit.com
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

AT&T Office Taco Party Commercial
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvo7zo8FGJg

Bakesale Betty
http://www.bakesalebetty.com/

“Puddle Jumper”
http://www.ustoy.com/cgi-bin/u.sh/2.0/product.htm?pf_id=VL98&mr:trackingCode=3D2E78AB-6B29-E011-8E88-001B21631C34&mr:referralID=NA

Chinese Yo-Yo
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_yo-yo

Andy’s “Buggy” Game (Magicka)
http://www.magickagame.com/

Tim gains new respect for Kevin Smith, Andy has a suicidal baby, Anne Hathaway becomes Catwoman, and Sinbad crushes your heart.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Jo, Mike, and Reddit.com
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Mister Sister Fister video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P2SZvl27fk

Jo’s Link to Page 3 Idol NSFW
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/3351197/Lacey-Banghard-wins-Page-3-Idol.html

Puck Nuts Podcast
http://smodcast.com/pucknuts/

WTF Podcast featuring Kevin Smith
http://wtfpod.libsyn.com/episode-141-kevin-smith

Nerdist Podcast featuring Kevin Smith
http://www.nerdist.com/2011/01/nerdist-podcast-54-kevin-smith/

TANcast Accuses Bill Maher of Stealing (Not Really)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72V2O4dTqwA

Sweet and Sour Baby Jesus Facebook Page
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Sweet-and-sour-baby-jesus/180359415328350

The boys talk baby names, the AIDS LifeCycle, and give advice on moving in with your friends.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by CJ, Jairo, and Hale
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Kevin Smith’s Doc Brown (In animated form)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGm6n9aK5RE

AIDS Life Cycle
http://www.aidslifecycle.org/

Cracked totally screwed the pooch this week with their contest where participants were challenged to show what famous movies would look like if they were made in Japan. Look I get it. Cracked does these contests and there have to be winners and losers. But not ONE of my entries were picked and I think some of the ones they DID pick suuuuuuuuuuuuucked! This was the prompt we were given:

Cracked Prompt:

These will be classic movies, if they’d been made in the land of anime, robots and unspeakable perversions.

You can go here to see all the chosen entries…but I’d say almost half of them don’t stack up to these:

Can’t get much more classic than Snow White. I even took the extra time and effort to give her huge anime boobs and eyes. Now I will admit that the contest was jam packed with tentacle entries but mine was first and I think mine was funniest. (Certainly funnier than the Graduate one they chose)

I thought this was funny. But I will admit the “Indy getting chased by _____ instead of a boulder” image gets submitted in 9 out of 10 Photoshop contest.

Okay…this one is a little racist…okay it’s pretty much just racist. But I was going for ironic racism….no? ok…fine. I was going for the one stereotype that none of the other contestants had used. (At least I wasn’t one of the dozens who simply took a movie poster and changed the R’s to L’s.)

This one has not only the joke of the Running Man competing in one of those crazy Japanese game shows, but look at Arnold’s face? That’s comedy!

Not the most hilarious entry, I’ll grant you…but do you know how long it took to give Ultraman the color scheme of Ironman? Too long for me to not include it in this list, that’s how long!

Now this entry looks much more racist than it is. As such, it’s my favorite and the one I’m most annoyed didn’t get chosen. You see the very first movie with synchronized sound was the Jazz Singer. Unfortunately, that movie features Al Jolson in black face singing a song called Mammy. So I figured that in Japan, he would be doing it at a karaoke bar. So you see how it’s not racist? I await your apology, Cracked!

WARNING-The next image contains violent imagery that may be disturbing…especially to younger readers. Please excrsize discretion.

In Japan, M. Night would have commuted Seppuku (harakiri) after dishonoring himself with this movie.

The boys analyze Hollywood, talk poo poo and pee pee, Noah and Andy discus dogs, and Tim finds VHS evidence that he and Andy were SUPER DORKS in high school.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were provided by A Prairie Home Companion’s Pretty Good Jokes and read by Paula Poundstone and Roy. Blount Jr.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Nerdist Podcast Episode 51 Comedians You Should Know
http://www.nerdist.com/2010/12/nerdist-podcast-51-comedians-you-should-know

Ghostbusters Inception
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4wagcmxh4o

Christmas in Nerdland
http://www.nerdist.com/2010/12/christmas-in-nerdland-kevin-mcallister-vs-the-zombies/

Jamie Foxx Destroys Doug Williams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_L-gbpKZpo

Tim’s Blog About Red State
http://tancast.com/2011/01/07/red-state-v-confused-state/

Ass Everywhere
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbR5wPpoOiw

Tim Babb’s Kingdom Comedy Goes to WDW: Part 2 Animal Kingdom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeHoHpsljVM

Fuck Tim Day on Wikipedia
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Fuck-Tim-Day-copy.jpg

Can we just let this guy fly already? This stress is clearly effecting his decision making process!

Kevin Smith is coming out with a new horror movie soon. It’s a pretty big departure for him from his usual comedies. I probably won’t see it. No offense to Kevin, I’m just not a horror movie guy. But that’s OK. I don’t have to be into EVERYTHING Kevin puts out. Just like I don’t like EVERY Harrison Ford movie, I don’t love EVERY Disneyland ride, and (believe it or not) I don’t listen to EVERY Michael Jackson song (Although I am LOVING Slave to the Rhythm). Artists change, artists grow, artists experiment…I get it. Maybe you’ll catch me with the next one (although the next one apparently going to be a hockey movie…so not likely)

So this is not a blog trying to tear Kevin down for trying something new. Not at all. Bravo sir. Set a course for “out there somewhere” and engage at warp 9. No…this blog is a face palm in text form about Kevin making the same mistake a third time.

You may remember a film called “Zach & Miri make a Porno.” Then again you may NOT remember it. Why? It probably didn’t get a lot of advertising in your area. Apparently people don’t want the word “Porno” on billboards or on tv during family hour. In fact, Kevin blamed the title and the problems it created for the film’s lack luster box office. Ok fine. Lesson learned, right? Wrong. Do you remember the movie “A Couple of Dicks?” Of course you don’t. The studio made them change the name and it ended up being called “Cop Out.” But Kevin really went to bat for “A Couple of Dicks,” apparently forgetting everything he’d just learned from the “Porno” misstep. I’m really glad he didn’t make Chasing Amy at this point in his life. He would have called it “I Banged a Lesbian”

But all that is past. He wouldn’t still be making bone-headed title decisions NOW would he? (Of course he would or this blog would be over). Kevin’s upcoming horror movie that I mentioned at the start is called “Red State.” But wait…that’s not even a little vulgar…but it IS horribly misleading. When you think of “Red State,” what comes to mind? Republicans? The south? The Tea Party? Glenn Beck? Well if any of those things came to mind, Kevin Smith thinks you are a dipshit. I’ll let him explain via MULTIPLE Twitter posts:

Kevin Smith’s Twitter

Okay: as hard as this may be to believe, we don’t trade in stereotypes in RedState. The location is never identified, but that doesn’t matter, as the Red in the title isn’t political; it’s, y’know: blood. It’s a horror flick. But anyone thinking we’re taking shots at conservatives is in for a severe let-down. It’s just NOT that movie. I’m not a political creature at all. I’m not a liberal, I just like doing my own thing…So no worries: this isn’t some kinda turkey shoot where I open fire on people who don’t live or feel the way I do. Again: IT’S JUST A HORROR movie. You bring a political agenda to RedState & you’re coming prepared to watch an entirely different film than what we made.

I cut out a bit of a tangent of how this movie was a “grown up” chance to say what he was trying to say with Dogma and still be pro faith…but the political message (or lack there of) is what caught my eye…and the eye of a random tweeter:

Random Tweeter

You must’ve known it’d lead to thoughts of it being political?

…to which he responded

Kevin Smith’s Twitter

Sometimes a banana is just a banana, sir. Red = blood.

And now you’ve reached the point of this blog…how insulated do you have to be to not see that calling a film “Red State” will bring to mind political overtones in 90- 95% of the people who hear the title? But he won’t even allow for that possibility! As evidenced when some one asked him why he named it “Red State” if it’s not political…

Kevin Smith’s Twitter

One more time, for the cheap seats: IT’S A FUCKING HORROR MOVIE, DIPSHIT! Red = blood!

There you have it. If you think of politics when you hear “Red State,” Kevin Smith thinks you’re a dipshit. The only possible reason for the word “Red” to be in the title of a horror movie is to denote blood. I admit there is some logic to the red/blood connection, but why not call it “Blood State” and avoid the confusion? Fuck you, that’s why!

Which reminds me…keep a look out for my new romantic comedy “Anal Sex.” It’s about an obsessive compulsive guy trying to find love. What?! No it has nothing to do with rectal intercourse! Sometimes anal just refers to someone’s personality. If you come to “Anal Sex” expecting butt humping, you’re coming prepared to watch an entirely different film than what we made.

PS-Be glad I wrote this out as a blog instead of 33 twitter posts!

It’s a post-holiday wrap up as the boys talk about holiday food, traffic, presents, parties, and games.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Chelsea, Todd, and Mike (and almost Johnathan).
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Vibram Five Finger Shoes
http://www.vibramfivefingers.com/index.htm

Cracked Photoplasty Contest: Video Game Logic in Real Life
http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_156_if-real-world-operated-video-game-logic/

After a salute to internet memes of 2010, a Skype fail, and an apology to CafePress, the boys each list 5 things that SUCKED about 2010.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Thomas, Dean, and Mike.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

TinyChat (AKA “Fuck Skype!”)
http://tinychat.com/

Hot chick From The ring
http://blastr.com/2010/11/image-of-the-day-creepy-g.php
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kzf7gyLqkj1qzoaqio1_400.jpg

This week: CJ writes a parody of Christmas Shoes, Cafe Press lies to Tim, Noah talks board games, Noah tries to make you hungry, Andy talks colored superheroes (not like THAT), Noah reviews Tron Legacy, Tim is doing social networking wrong, Andy talks about the Mythbusters, and the boys talk about their favorite Christmas gifts.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Andrew/Adam, Dean, and Mike.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
TANcast “Racist Punchline” Shirt (Men & Women’s)
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast.427278835
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast.427278835

Jack’s Prime Restaurant in San Mateo, CA
http://www.jacksprime.com/

Saturday Night Live Digital Short
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/digital-shorts/videos/1265873.shtml

Well the latest contest was for sequels we’ll never see. (By the way, the winner made an “Old Yeller 2″ poster…but there ALREADY IS an Old Yeller 2, it’s called Savage Sam. Lame!!!) Here is the genius that Cracked chose not to share with you:

This was my favorite. But when even Andy said it was too dark, I had to take a look at my soul. (I”m glad I didn’t put the shower joke in there that I was originally planning)

Come on, baby! Before Gigli, this was one of the most famous flops in history.

I know, I know. There actually is a movie called “Saturday the 14th” but it’s not a sequel and has nothing to do with Jason Voorhees, so this is a legitimate entry…says I…who’s opinion clearly doesn’t matter.

Just a lame little joke about how preachy the movie was. Yeah, it’s not much. Moving on…

This came to me while listening to Michael’s new album. Doesn’t really fit the theme, but the idea of auto tuned Michael Jackson interviews made me laugh. Speaking of the gloved one…

I’d watch this. I mean, if they can put a young Jeff Bridges in Tron 2, they can make this happen, right?

This one’s kinda messed up…(by the way, the rules said you could include books as well)…but no where near as messed up as the Anne Frank one. But really this one was just to cover for an earlier entry. I made that one to cover up this…

Yeah..I entered that and thought I was clever…only to find out from several different people that they are actually making a sequel to Human Centipede. It’s hard to out stupid Hollywood.

This week: The boys talk about the family life, Tim defends (and bashes) Kevin Smith, and the boys get in the Christmas spirit.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Mike, CJ, and Hale.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
Annoying Website Showing What Noah’s Sister Wants for Christmas
http://pillowpets.com/Default.asp?bhcp=1

“My Team Always Wins” Gym Bag
http://www.cafepress.com/TimBabb.424994068

Cup Size Choir
http://www.cupsizechoir.com/

Listen to Michael Jackson’s New Album, “Michael” (Full Album Preview)
http://myplay.me/ry

Printing Party That Noah Wants To Go To
http://www.richardsonmag.com/post/1129002/printing-party

Full of Hot Air
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”
“I am,” replied the man from Texas. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Democrat.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist. “But how did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You’ve made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect ME to solve your problem. You’re in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now, it’s MY fault.

See? THAT’S funny!

What. The. FUCK?!

I am offended on many levels…first as a comedian, this isn’t funny. Second as a graphic designer, this LOOKS like shit. I mean sweet Jesus, dude! Did you spend 5 minutes making this with MS Paint? For fuck sake, show some pride in your misinformation! And that brings me to my third level of offense. This person has clearly no idea what they are talking about! You can’t even say they’re just parroting Fox News…they’re just spouting gobbledygook. Let’s go through, shall we?

Claim 1 Ronald Reagan: The Great Communicator
Okay that one checks out. (Don’t you hate when you have to concede the FIRST point?)

Claim 2 Ronald Reagan: He brought us out of a recession
First off the recession STARTED during his presidency. It is, in fact, called the The Reagan Recession. However, Reagan did bounce us back. Unemployment dropped, inflation went down, and the economy expanded steadily. Do you know how this was accomplished? Deficit spending! Yeah, the very same thing that people are holding signs protesting right now. Food for thought.

Claim 3 Ronald Reagan: He brought us together as a nation
Well he brought republicans together. That’s an accomplishment to be sure, but it’s not the same as bringing the NATION together. I mean he had high approval ratings..but W. had higher ones and he sure as shit didn’t bring us together.

Claim 4 Ronald Reagan: He made our nation a beacon of hope
He did that? That was all Reagan, huh? I could have sworn we had people at all levels working on that for 200 years by the time Reagan was sworn in.

Claim 5 Ronald Reagan: and everyone prospered
…HA HA HAHAHA HAH HAHAHAHAHHA HA AH AHHA…ehhh. Oh, I’m sorry, you were serious? Oh, ok. Well aside from the obvious that you can not use an absolute word like “everyone” in this context because surely there will be one or more exceptions…why don’t you ask the air traffic controllers that he fired? I’m sure they “prospered” in their new job in the burgeoning fast food industry. The poor certainly prospered…I mean since the percentage of Americans living below the poverty line went from 11.7% when he took office to 15.2% towards the end of his first term and to 13.0% when he left office. So it seems like people were eager to jump on the poverty train, under Reagan.

Claim 6 Ronald Reagan: a true American
I will cede this point as well. Ronald Reagan is as true an American as anyone who lives here is.

Claim 7 Barcak Obama: The Great Orator
Only douchebags who make teleprompter jokes call him that. The rest of us actually LISTEN to what he SAYS (I know, crazy concept)

Claim 8 Barcak Obama: He is driving us into a recession
Would this be the recession that started before he even took office? How did he manage to do that? And save an uptick last month, unemployment has gone down every month since July and it’s over a full percent lower than it was at the beginning of 2010.

Claim 9 Barcak Obama: He is dividing the people of this nation
He is? HE is?! He’s the guy vilifying himself in the media? Misrepresenting health care as some sort of attack on liberty? HE’S the one doing that? I had no idea. Go fuck yourself.

Claim 10 Barcak Obama: He is making our nation a joke
Our respect in the world is the highest it’s been since 9/11. How is that a joke? You are a joke, sir! (I assume this is a dude)

Claim 11 Barcak Obama: and everyone will suffer
Really? Because rich people still seem to be doing pretty fucking well. They just got their tax cuts. The estate tax is going to be defanged. The stock market is roaring. There’s still no regulation that would prevent the same crap that caused this financial meltdown. Seems like the people who love to fuck us aren’t suffering a bit.

Claim 11 Barcak Obama: a true traitor to the American way
Fuck you! Fuck every last one of you who call anyone from the other side of ideology a traitor. Barak Obama is not a traitor for wanting an increase in government spending. George W. Bush was not a traitor for lowering taxes on millionaires. Stop this hyperbolic bullshit because dumb ass, gullible mother-fuckers take it SERIOUSLY.

The reason I even started this blog was because seeing this made me worry that I may have been this out of touch when criticizing Bush. Sweet Jesus, I hope I wasn’t. I had my problems with his presidency, to be sure, but I don’t think he was out to “ruin” this country or that he doesn’t care about Black people. I think his idealized version of this country is different than mine. Same with Palin, Huckabee, and all the rest of the people I don’t agree with. They’re all still “true Americans” …they’re just not the ones I’d want making decisions on my behalf.

This week: Tim’s voice is a little Sarah Jessica Parker, provide a pseudo commentary for the WTF Let it Be video, Andy reviews Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, the boys talk house cleaning (awwwww yeah), the boys discuss using cartoons to fight child abuse, they boys talk movies, and the guy with the sore throat talks way too much.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Chelsea, Jairo, and CJ.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Chelsea’s Cafe Press Shop (Bubbly Pumpkin)
http://www.cafepress.com/bubblypumpkin

Let It Be WTF Version with Subtitles (From Cracked
http://www.cracked.com/video_18240_if-wtf-let-it-be-video-had-honest-subtitles.html

Cats Playing Patty Cake
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3iFhLdWjqc

Let It Be WTF Version No Subtitles (Might Get Pulled by YouTube)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUwkQRJdXHQ

Cartoon Pics Stop Child Abuse Story on CNN
http://i.imgur.com/Drw9c.png

Fried Chicken Sandwich
http://www.yelp.com/biz/bakesale-betty-oakland

TANcast Facebook Fan Page
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-TANcast/242741254466?ref=ts

TANcast Twitter Page
http://twitter.com/TANcast

Tim’s PhotoShopped Pic
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150130698418906&set=a.491897843905.290420.747133905#!/photo.php?fbid=10150130696358906&set=a.26434228905.45943.747133905

About TANcast
http://tancast.com/about/

Get that deal, baby!!

But thanks to the lovely Jennifer, I have recently learned that Disney has stolen my joke! Observe this t-shirt currently for sale at Walt Disney World:

Really Disney? I have so little and you have so much? Did you really have to Carlos Mencia my t-shirt idea? Plus you added Goofy! How can I compete with Goofy?! Now everyone will think I’m ripping YOU off instead of the other way around. You hurt me, Disney, you hurt me real bad today. A hurt that can only go away if a bunch of people go to the Tim Babb Comedy Shop and buy the ORIGINAL, Babb designed, 3 O’clock Parade Shirt! (Makes a great Christmas present…and I am shameless)

If I truly wanted to be honest, I would point out that Netcot had a 3 O’clock Parade shirt in their store before I did…but I’m not going to because
a) I was doing the joke in my act long before there even was a Netcot Podcast
b) Netcot no longer has that shirt available
c) It makes me look like a huge hypocrite

This week: The boys talk turkey (day), dead celebrities are discussed, Andy encounters a nonsensical racist, Noah’s Audacity fails, and Tim goes all nutty about the Podcast Award nominations.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Trevor, Lindsey, and Todd (Sorry Thomas).
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Cracked Article: 5 Ways Television Went Crazy Since I Quit Watching in 2003
http://www.cracked.com/article_18886_5-ways-television-went-crazy-since-i-quit-watching-in-2003.html

George Takei Calls Anti-Gay Arkansas School Board Member A Douchebag
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UACK93xF-FE

Tim’s Guest Shot on Drinking Buddies
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/2010/10/26/im-being-sued-by-fame-drinking-buddies-episode-25/

Podcast Awards (Vote Mousetalgia/Tell ‘Em Steve Dave/Film Sack/Doug Loves Movies)
http://podcastawards.com/

Movies About Girls (Mature Podcast)
http://www.moviesaboutgirls.com/

The TANstore…For All Your Holiday Needs
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast

This week: Noah gets a dog, the boys talk movies and tv for a while, Andy compares Georgia to California, and the boys enjoy naked celebrities.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Trevor, Jonathan (x2), Tom, and Gary.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
Cat V Alligator
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpyFttGudto

Geoffrey Arend’s IMDB
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0034309/

Michael Jackson (Feat Akon) Hold My Hand
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIxEISCUN3k

PBS Censors Tina Fey
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/arts-post/2010/11/by_paul_farhi_tina_fey.html?hpid=topnews

Penthouse: Fire and Ice IMDB Page
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1585268/

Ashley Williams IMDB Page
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0930053/

The boys diss Justin Bieber, Noah learns about Rhyming Slang, Tim and Andy run afoul of a litigious douchebag, Noah Reviews the GDGT event in San Francisco, the boys review some movies (Unstoppable, Megamind and Due Date), and talk television (Sherlock and Conan).

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Grey, Ellie (and Todd), & Hale.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
Tik Tok/California Gurls Mashup (mentioned in episode 108)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2dPA2dCRNY

TANcast 2011 Calendar
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast.483724733

Vittello’s Lawsuit Foley
http://www.adrforum.com/domains/decisions/159460.htm

TANcast “Caution” Sticker
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast.486733695

Drinking Buddies
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/

Cracked List of 5 Things You Love to Discuss That Nobody Else Cares About
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-things-you-love-to-discuss-that-nobody-else-cares-about/

Conan Opening Sketch
http://www.tbs.com/video/conan.jsp?oid=233770&eref=sharethisUrl

Podcast Awards Website (Just In Case You’d Like to Nominate TANcast)
http://podcastawards.com/

This week Tim hates on iPhoto, Noah visits Pixar, Glee causes some controversy, the guys talk TV, and the boys talk candy.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Tom, Mike, & Todd.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
Podcast Awards Website (Just In Case You’d Like to Nominate TANcast)
http://podcastawards.com/

Cars 2 Teaser Trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmd-qmO_wFI

The Mousetalgia Podcast
http://mousetalgia.com/

GQ Glee Magazine Cover
http://www.gq.com/entertainment/movies-and-tv/201011/glee-gleeks-rachel-finn-quinn-cory-monteith-lea-michele-diana-agron

Marsha’s Deli
http://www.marshaslunchbox.com/

This week the guys (over) analyze the Die Hard Films, take some “spooky” topic suggestions from the listeners, talk Halloween, and discus Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert’s Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by CJ (x2), Mike, and Ellie.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Jay & Silent Bob Get Old Episode 9
http://smodcast.com/getold/getold/getold9.html

Andy’s Spam Blog
http://tancast.com/2010/10/29/tired-of-this-crap/

Five Myths About Sarah Palin
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/14/AR2010101404794.html

Stephen’s Haunted Holiday
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgXYq5LQkIM

Jon Stewart Autotuned
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvQbkPS8zCA

Noah’s Flasher Costume
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Noah-Halloween.jpg

Noah’s Pumpkin
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Noah-Pumpkin-1.jpg
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Noah-Pumpkin-2.jpg
http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Noah-Pumpkin-3.jpg

Jon Stewart’s Closing Speech at the Sanity Rally
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXmbzLI3pnk

“Best” Signs at the Rally
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-100-best-signs-at-the-rally-to-restore-sanity

Official Comedy Central Page for the Rally Clips
http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/rally_to_restore_sanity_and_or_fear/index.jhtml

I know admins of real sites will scoff, but 6 months ago we were averaging about 20 spam comments per day. In October we averaged 120 per day before I turned reCAPTCHA on. It’s too soon to tell whether that made a difference, but I think we’re at least back to double-digits. Since it is still coming, though, I must conclude that either there is a way to post a comment without solving the CAPTCHAs (a flaw in the site or the plugin) or else these fucktards are actually solving them.

The thing is, Akismet catches pretty much every single piece of spam posted to the site, even without reCAPTCHA tossing up an extra step. I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen something slip through. There is simply no reason to spam us. Nobody will ever see their penis-enlargement come-ons except Tim, Noah, and me, and Noah’s penis is plenty big for all 3 of us.

On the flip-side, Akismet does occasionally flag a valid comment, so Tim tries (and, infrequently, I do as well) to scan the pile of spam for any ham that slipped in. That’s annoying when there’s 20 to check a day. It’s more like a job when the spam really starts to flood in.

My solution is 1-fold: From now on, if your IP address has posted multiple spam comments to TANcast, we’ll just block that IP address.

Forever.

Fuck you, that’s why.

I added the first 2 dozen IPs to our block list this evening, including an entire Class B subnet. An unsurprising number were located in Chinese-owned blocks. It’s probably the same lowlifes that killed my cat.

If I did this correctly, anyone trying to hit the site from any of these addresses should now get absolutely no response from our server. We’ll see if this helps.

If you’re suddenly unable to see the site from your home computer (presumably you’re reading this via RSS or on another machine), some piece of shit spammer fuck has pwned either you or someone on your ISP (and you inherited their IP address). Get your machine checked, then email me your IP when you know it’s not hosting a bot.

My address is easy to guess. Don’t try to spam it; Google has an excellent filter.

This week, comedian Bo Burnham steals our thunder, Tim and Noah review Jackass 3D, the boys do some baby talk, Noah rails against gift cards, Tim rants about his Halloween Costume woes, the great colorless soda debate, Noah learns about the cops, TANcast listeners jump ship, and finally a salute to the rich film history of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Todd, Jo, and Todd.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
Funny Crocs Cartoon (from Hale)
http://funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/1104327/Crocs/

TANcast “Words, Words, Words…” T Shirt
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast.425152121

Bo Burnham (Ripped Off our “Words, Words, Words”)
http://boburnham.com/

TANcast Cafe Press Market Place Store
http://www.cafepress.com/sk/TANcast

Drinking Buddies Podcast (Tim is on Episode 25)
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/2010/10/26/im-being-sued-by-fame-drinking-buddies-episode-25/

Noah’s Banana-Cinnamon Waffles Recipe
http://find.myrecipes.com/recipes/recipefinder.dyn?action=displayRecipe&recipe_id=10000001054874

Chris Rock, Tracy Morgan, and Paul Simon on Night of Too Many Stars
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=363013&title=chris-rock-and-tracy-morgan

160 Arnold Quotes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDxn0Xfqkgw

Put That Cookie Down
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoNdZfFeo9U

Cookie Monster ate Arnold’s Cookies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyWvV0HxW6M

The Limousines – Internet Killed The Video Star Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zx5tSmOY_iM

This week Andy pisses and moans about technology, Tim and Noah review “Red,” Tim pronounces “Busby Berkeley” wrong and no one corrects him, the boys search for the illusive Dunkin’ Donuts, Andy and Noah talk video games, Andy pisses off his wife, product placement invades prime-time TV, and Noah takes a poop (in more ways than one).

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Melanie, Jonathan, and Tony.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***
Burger Between Two Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
(Thank you, Chelsea)
http://www.ripleyoddcast.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/alg_friendlys_burger_melt.jpg

Se7en Dick in A Box Mash-Up
http://vimeo.com/6527309

Noah’s Tamale Casserole Recipe
http://tancast.com/2010/10/19/dmitk-tamale-casserole/

Tamale Casserole

Filling:
1 package of ground turkey
1 large yellow onion
2 large bell peppers
1 can diced tomatoes
1 (small) can tomato paste
1-2 tbsp chili powder
1-2 tbsp cumin
1 tbsp ground red pepper
salt to taste

Top:
(any corn bread recipe or mix)
shredded cheese

Brown turkey in a skillet. Remove turkey and drain fat. In the same pan add chopped onion, cook until translucent. Add chopped bell pepper and spices, cook until soft. Add diced tomatoes, tomato past and turkey into the pan and bring to a simmer.

Preheat the oven to 425. Let the filling simmer while you make the cornbread top, any recipe will do (I use the one on the back of the cornmeal bag).

Spray a large casserole pan with cooking spray, add the filling. Pour the filling over the top of the filling being sure to cover all the filling. Sprinkle shredded cheese on top. Bake for 20-30 minutes. The casserole will be done when the filling is bubbling, a tooth pick comes out clean from the corn bread and the cornbread is golden brown.

Get your official “Don’t Masturbate in the Kitchen” aprons at the TANcast Store.

This week’s contest actually caught my imagination and I made more than a dozen entries. Not only did I not win but only two of my entries were chosen for their top 19 and my best entry was DELETED off the forums by the Cracked editors.

Well screw you, Cracked, I’m not playing your game anymore! You get no more free work out of me. Fortunately for the rest of you, I saved all my entries and I’m going to display them all for you…even the ones that made the Cracked list. (I think that’s against the rules but screw them! What can they do? Take the money away that I didn’t win?) In keeping with true Cracked tradition they are in no particular order of greatness and #1 is definitely not the best…

#15) Hampsterdance.com:
This one was my first entry and actually made their stupid list…at number 14. WTF?!

#14) Snopes.com:
If you don’t know, this is a site dedicated to debunking urban legends, bogus e-mail forwards, and such. Someone else did a Snopes entry and Cracked chose theirs to put on their list. It wasn’t as funny or intricate and showed way less Anne Hatha-leg. Poor move, Cracked. (PS check the credits…”Seth Rogan as Mikey”…as in “Mikey likes it,” the kid from the Life cereal commercials who supposedly died from eating Pop Rocks and soda…GENIUS)

#13) Snakesonablog.com:
Can’t really blame them for not including this one…but it made ME laugh.

#12) Friendster.com:
Not only did Cracked skip this gem, but there was a Myspace entry by someone else with a similar theme that I thought sure was a shoe-in. I guess if it’s actually enjoyable, Cracked isn’t interested.
(WOW…I am bitter this week)

#11) Pornfortheblind.org:
I showed this one to Noah…he didn’t care for it. Right now Cracked is in the process of hiring him to kill dreams.

#10) Napster.com:
Someone on the forums said this one was the most likely to be an actual movie. Apparently that doesn’t make it any more likely to win $50!

#9) Hotels.com:
Get it? He tried to go on vacation but all the hotels were booked! So then he started Hotels.com so he’d never have to go through that again. Plus it’s directed by Ron Howard, so it features his brother Clint Howard…so many jokes…so little sense of humor at Cracked.

#8) Woot.com:
Can you see the reflection of the Macbook in his eyes? Comedy gold! What more do you need?! (I am very near tears at this moment)

#7) Psychoexgirlfriend.com:
This site is gone, but you can still find the content on YouTube. It was basically a site purporting to play messages from an obsessive girlfriend calling her then boyfriend upwards of 20 times in a night leaving very crazy messages. (Extra in-joke goodness…Message 31 was pulled from the site with only a cryptic explanation…so the answering machine is currently on message 31)

#6) VMK.com:
This one is for my Disney peeps. VMK (Virtual Magic Kingdom) was a fun little site that Disney made for Disneyland’s 50th birthday that allowed you to have a little avatar and run around in a crazy Magic Kingdom and play games based on some of the rides and chat with other avatars. It was tons of fun. I knew this one was way too obscure to make Cracked’s list…but I knew I’d do this blog. So, enjoy fellow Disney geeks!

#5) WordPress.org:
Another one I can’t blame Cracked for not using. But I had to get a Tyler Perry entry in and give a shout out to the folks who make TANcast possible (much love, WordPress).

#4) Cleverbot.com:
This one made their list too…at #16. Honestly, I didn’t think it would. I didn’t think anyone would read the hilarious website at the bottom of the poster. Besides, I thought a lot of mine were better. Such as…

#3) Pets.com:
We were just talking about this site on TANcast 120. Epic internet failure. Second only to…

#2) Webvan.com:
This was the other site Noah was trying to think of. Get it? They’re driving off a cliff! Brilliant commentary on a website that failed 10 years ago!

#1) TANcast.com:
THIS was the post that got deleted! WTF?! WITMFF?!! How dare you, Cracked?! There was nothing in the rules that said you couldn’t post a self-serving entry for a site 1,000 times more obscure than VMK! I didn’t expect this to win, but to be deleted?! Uncalled for!!! Go screw yourselves!

…and that’s the story of why Tim stopped entering Cracked Photoshop contests. (Hey…they should make that into a movie!)

This week Andy plays video games, Noah sees the Social Network and Turtles Forever, Andy is close minded about polygamy, and Tim tells you how to stop an acquisition of your company.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Alissa, Todd, and Hale.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

How Stuff Works: Legality of Polygamy
http://people.howstuffworks.com/polygamy1.htm

Pic of Joesph Smith
http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/polygamy-3.jpg

This week the TANboys tackle the great nerd debate of our generation: Who would win if the Star Trek Universe fought the Star Wars universe. Ladies, this episode will surely make your panties moist…oh wait…no…well, only if you pee yourself because your man is locked in the bathroom arguing with his iPod.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Pieter, Bryan, and Mike.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Andy’s Domino’s Grudge Blog
http://tancast.com/2008/08/20/no-more-dominos-for-me/

Star Trek v Star Wars Trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEE4Pib8QcQ

Species 8472
http://www.google.com/images?q=species+8472&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1139&bih=916
http://klingonweapons.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/species8472_615.jpg

Drinking Buddies Podcast
http://kbeachdrinkingbuddies.podbean.com/

Stormtrooper Chicks
http://www.modf.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/storm-chicks.jpg

Rule 34: Stormtroopers
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4OYGjUrdllo/SF1df3LCHmI/AAAAAAAAEV8/gkQXZUUyc_o/s400/1012713712_5dbd8141a0.jpg

“Prevent AIDS: Give a Handy” T-Shirt
http://www.cafepress.com/TANcast.437538214#

I can’t begin this blog without first acknowledging the effect SModcast and Kevin Smith in general has had on me. Andy, Noah, and I would not be doing TANcast were it not for SModcast. Kevin’s inaccurately titled “Jersey Trilogy” provided many hours of fun at the TANhouse.

But a while back, SModcast had quite a few misfire episodes (almost as though they were stooping to TANcast quality). The fun banter and odd ball stories were getting shoved aside for the recurring themes of pot and hockey. I think it’s taken a noticeable uptick recently, but I very much remember being disappointed in SMods for quite a few months in a row. Well I wasn’t the only one who noticed this. Apparently people had left some comments saying so both on the SModcast site as well as Kevin’s View Askew message boards.

Yeah, big man, we’re talking about you and you can’t stop us. What now?

Among these comments were people who shared my opinion that the Tell ‘Em Steve Dave (TESD) podcast had now surpassed SModcast in comedic value. So I guess people were leaving posts saying that TESD had replaced SMod as their favorite podcast. Kevin reacted by getting his panties in a twist…

Um… why rank them at all? And why let us know who’s jockeying for which position in your heart? That’s tacky.

I think we’d all rather you just kept it simple and said “Thank you.”

Oh…I didn’t realize that the only appropriate response was to worship at the alter of Kevin. Granted, I’m no fan of negative comments, but if you put something out there, it’s going to be reacted to. You can’t get butt hurt at every little comment…especially when you own a million dollar home in LA and are famous for making movies.

I didn’t say any of this, because I was not moved enough to do so. Others however apparently have more passion and/or more time on their hands and refused to drop the issue. At which Kevin “Thick Skin” Smith (not a fat joke) had this to say…

Why would you wanna do that? When you’ve been informed how not-into that I am?

Can I tell you how stuff around here comes into existence? It’s because I take a massive interest. And obviously, I’ve taken a massive interest in SModcast and its spin-offs. The good news is that you get HOURS UPON HOURS of free entertainment. The bad news is that some of you are getting too comfortable in your expectations, and are quickly allowing said expectation to become gross entitlement.

Y’know how this all goes away – this fucking golden age? When people feel the need to try to pit my friends and I against one another. When people slap the host in the face. When people – even after being expressly told the host would rather you not brought shit like that into his party – insist on introducing into this organization that sort of unrest or divisiveness.

Comments like yours are what’s gonna kill my enthusiasm for SModcast. And when my enthusiasm for it all goes? Guess what happens?

Speaking of which, five times now I’ve returned to the board in the last month, and all five times, I was reminded why I enjoy Twitter so much more: absolutely ZERO sense of entitlement over there. Some cats here, on my own message board, assume they’re owed… well, anything. You guys are playing the old game – when I was younger and far more tolerant; when it seemed like there was all the time in the world. Newsflash for all you devils’ advocates and “But I’m a TRUE fan”-ers: I’m not interested in your reindeer games. To be fair, I never was; but at least I was more polite then. Now? Approaching 40? Shuttering this board is no longer the unthinkable notion it once was. There’s no more Askewniverse; the website can just as easily follow.

We’re in the second Act, folks. You like it, stick around. If not, don’t bitch; just leave. A lack of gratitude is an enthusiasm-killer. Why would you wanna ruin it for everyone else?

So go ahead: keep expressing your very important thoughts about which free, funny podcast you’re being given weekly is better. Then, when it all goes away, you can express your very important thoughts about that, too. And when you’re done being very important? Know that it was folks like you who sent it packing.

I mean, we’re 15 years in at this point; you still don’t get where this all comes from?

Jesus…

So basically…”say nothing negative, or I’ll take my ball and go home.” Apparently, he did just that because his message board has been locked down. You can’t post on it anymore. Way to go Kevin, you showed us.

ANYWAY…I told you all that just to share this conversation with you Noah and I had about the Smith a month or so ago…

Tim: Kevin Smith irritates me sometimes. I guess he’s not posting the live SModcast from Branford because it didn’t sell out
Noah: He did say he would do that
Tim: Annoying
Noah: …and if you complain, he may stop free SMod all together
Tim: Yup. what an ass
Noah: lol …a funny ass
Tim: True. But his insecurities are starting to annoy me more and more
Noah: You think he did it because he is insecure?
Tim: Yeah…he can’t handle sniping and he wants to try to get all the shows to sell out
Noah: sniping?
Tim: On the boards…people complaining
Noah: It sounded like he wanted to sell out the show and SMod is free, so kind of hard to say hey give me free shit
Tim: not anymore..he has an advertiser…I pay for it the same way I pay for tv, by listening to advertising bullshit
Noah: Well the show is still free to us and tv can pull shows anytime it wants really and they do, regardless of what we want…but i do agree it is annoying
Tim: Yeah like I’m supposed to buy a ticket for a show I can’t go to just to hear it on line? Go fuck yourself. I guess at the end of the day it’s annoying because he keeps throwing “it’s free” in my face…but if it WASN’T free, I wouldn’t listen…and I wouldn’t miss it
Noah: But you hate knowing there is a SMod out there that you can’t listen to?
Tim: I do it annoys me because I feel like he’s just lording it over us. I get it fat man, you have one muscle and you’re flexing it. bravo.
Noah: Uh oh…Tim is turning on the Kev
Tim: yup…the more I read his post the more it annoys the crap outta me

So there ya go. Those are my impotent rantings about Kevin Smith. As part of a free podcast, I invite you to leave any comments you like. They’ll have to get pretty harsh for me to shut the site down. But if you’d like to tell me Im full of crap…feel free. Especially if you’re Kevin Smith. (I feel he’s earned a free shot or two at me)

Back to “Blog Harder” Main Blog

Back in July, my wife and I went to Walt Disney World for the first time! I talked about it on episode 109 of TANcast and I talked more about it on episode 11 of the Mr Frank’s Wild Ride Podcast.

But the big plan was to do a bunch of videos about it for my Tim Babb’s Kingdom Comedy series on YouTube. But it’s been over a month and…well…I’m still working on it.

The weight of my failure is heavier than this.

As I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m a DisneyLAND expert. This was my first trip to the World. In Disneyland, I knew the best spots to set up a camera, and I’d been there often enough that I knew jokes to make. Plus, I always knew at Disneyland that I could come back anytime I wanted. But I knew this was my ONLY trip to Disney World for the foreseeable future. So I was spending a lot of the time enjoying the parks instead of filming them. So I don’t have quite the kind of footage I’m used to when I make my videos.

But I’m eventually going to put something together. In the meantime, here are some photos from the trip for your enjoyment…

Gotta pose with the Roy Disney statue. (Yes I’m sitting ON Minnie…don’t worry about it)

I’m lucky to have a wife who thinks my dumb ideas are funny.

Getting into the spirit of Rock n’ Roller Coaster

Here’s a pic for Geoff…Daisy Duck’s Tail feathers

He has no idea that I just took a pic of his lady’s bum

Had to take a day to visit the Hogwartiest Place on Earth
(Note: My wife’s shirt is available for purchase here)

Count on seeing THIS Photoshopped in the near future

Hey look! It’s Andy at Animal Kingdom!

THIS outta wake her up

Back to “Blog Harder” Main Blog

(I end up doing a lot of blog “sequels,” don’t I?)

The casting website that knew me so well last time is at it again. Apparently they were on a spree today because I got three e-mails from them in under an hour. Here they are in order of appearance:

Your TCF profile matches three criteria for the following role: Woman with Lap Top

Gender: MATCH
Ethnicity: MATCH
Age Range: MATCH

Description: GOOD COMEDIC ACTOR. FUNNY DIALOGUE TO BE PLAYED STRAIGHT.

In case you missed the description, it says they want the part to be played straight. So naturally you sent the part for a woman with a laptop to a guy. Yeah I can see how that’s the perfect part for me to play straight.

No matter how hard you try, you can’t Ctrl Alt Delete this image from your mind.

Your TCF profile matches three criteria for the following role: Man and Woman Jogging

Gender: MATCH
Ethnicity: MATCH
Age Range: MATCH

Description: GOOD COMEDIC ACTOR. FUNNY DIALOGUE TO BE PLAYED STRAIGHT. ATHLETIC AND CUTE LOOKING.

I would like to take the “athletic and cute looking” part as a compliment but clearly they don’t know if I’m a man or a woman…now they think I’m both? They’re sending me on an audition for a man AND woman jogging?!

“Honey, let’s go jogging to get THIS image out of our brain!”

Your TCF profile matches three criteria for the following role: Awkward Guy

Gender: MATCH
Ethnicity: MATCH
Age Range: MATCH

Description: GOOD COMEDIC ACTOR. FUNNY DIALOGUE TO BE PLAYED STRAIGHT.

Well, if I wasn’t a good match for awkward guy before, I sure am now. I am feeling A-W-K-W-A-R-D!!!

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This week…the boys resolve last week’s “cliffhanger,” Noah Reviews Piranha 3D, the boys lament the state of television, Tim goes to Vegas, and Noah’s wife has a great new idea for the show.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

Get official TANcast T-shirts, mugs, hats and more in the official TANstore: http://www.cafepress.com/tancast

This week’s TANlaughs were sent in by Ellie, Jonathan, and Jason.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

***SHOW LINKS***

Tell ‘Em Steve Dave Podcast (The episodes where they reference Toad)
http://smodcast.com/stevedave/sd/sd27.html
http://smodcast.com/stevedave/sd/sd27.html
http://smodcast.com/stevedave/sd/sd29.html

Tim Blogs About Stephen Colbert Going to Congress
http://tancast.com/2010/09/24/mr-colbert-goes-to-washington/

I don’t know how I’ve gone this long without being a Katy Perry fan! She’s hot, her music is catchy, I’m sure she annoys Andy, and most of all she can’t spell.

“Screw you, Clippy! I’m leaving it like that!”

But honestly, Katy has been flying under my radar. I mean I’ve heard of I Kissed a Girl but I never really gave Katy much thought. Then today my friend, comedian extraordinaire Sandy Stec, posts this status on her Facebook:

Sandy Stec wants to know what percentage of Katy Perry’s success is gimmick and what percentage is talent. (Note: breasts are not a choice here)

I didn’t think much of this UNTIL I listened to the latest episode of the Hollywood Babble-On podcast where they talked about how Katy ran afoul of Sesame Street fans. It seems Ms. Perry filmed a version of Hot N Cold with Elmo and a preview of it was posted on line. At this point, a bunch of people complained that it was inappropriate and now Sesame Street is pulling the song form their New Year’s Eve show. So THIS finally lit a fire under me to look it up. Here is the offending video:

I guess the big objection is that she’s wearing a dress with cleavage. Ok Sesame Street…come in close a second so I can slap you. Don’t let random sticks in the mud on the internet dictate whether or not you show something! If I did that, I’d never do Kingdom Comedy, TANcast, or even stand up ever again. People on the internet are morons! Spend 5 minutes on Omegle if you don’t believe me. No one on the internet has an opinion worth anything (unless they are TANcast fans…then they are geniuses…and so sexy too).

Speaking of sexy, how can you be worried about Katy’s outfit when you licensed these:

“…brought to you by the letters S, L, U and T”

Yeah that’s not a wacky Photoshop I did. Those are “Sexy” Cookie Monster, Elmo, and Big Bird costumes sanctioned by the show. Finally I can live my childhood dream of groping a Muppet. (yikes)

Lastly parents, stop analyzing children’s entertainment for sexual content. Your kids aren’t watching Katy’s cleavage, they’re watching the bright colors and listening to a song that is basically just more “poppy” version of Grover’s “Near/Far” routine.

Speaking of the song, I put it on my iPod…along with the real version and California Gurls. Yup…I think I’m a Perry fan now. And to answer Sandy’s question I would say these are equal parts talent and gimmick…and I’m fine with that:

Who needs Sesame Street for boobies? I have the internet!

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Omegle is a site where not only can you chat with strangers, you also find out exactly how strange they are. Truthfully most of my conversations on Omelge are pretty short…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey asl
You: 33/m/USA
You: Wanna be bffs?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

But occasionally you get thrust into a conversation with someone that reminds you that the world is CHALK FULL of people you would never, ever, ever, EVER want to meet in real life…

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: hello
Stranger: m or f?
You: m
Stranger: got any cp?
You: cp?
Stranger: yup
You: what’s cp?
Stranger: kiddy porn
You: wouldn’t that be kp?
Stranger: hahah
Stranger: well child then
You: ah…well creepy question and no
Stranger: aww
Stranger: i was hoping u’d say yes
Stranger: then i could call u a sicko
Stranger: but u spoiled it
You: oh….darn
Your conversational partner has disconnected.