Failure comes standard


You Asked For It, Emma…

October 20th, 2013 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

Day 20

After yesterday’s blog, another old high school friend of mine, Emma, wrote:

How come I never got any gems like this? Since I know both of the girls you wrote the other letters to. Or maybe you did write me and I forgot. Probably because I had a jerk of a boyfriend, that I should have dumped long before I did.

Well “good” news Emma, your boyfriend at the time did not stop me from writing you too! Fortunately, it’s not as creepy as yesterday’s letter. But it’s still plenty laughable. Here we go…

Dear Emma,

It’s been 1 month, 3 weeks, 2 days, 19 hours, and 34 minutes since my last Emma hug.

I didn’t say it wasn’t at all creepy, I just said it wasn’t AS creepy.

I have lost all feeling in the right side of my body, my vision has become blurred, and I can’t tell the difference between Data and Lore anymore.

Oh good…a little of creepy Tim from yesterday mixed with dorky Tim from a few days ago. That’s a great recipe for failure!

So how’s life at [college]? Done anything fun and exiting lately? How about anything dull and boring? What classes are you taking? I’m taking Communications Criticism (the study of arguments and stuff), Finite Math, Public Speaking, and English.

Ok…Aside from a weak joke that wasn’t TOO bad. Normal bland college talk. At least I didn’t prattle on forever. Now I can just wrap it up and…

I’m doing pretty well in school right now. I just got a 95% on an essay that I had two and a half weeks to research but did in four hours (four and a half hours before it was due.) I also got one of the highest scores in a class on a test for which I never looked at the book. So, while I’m not learning anything in college, at least I’m getting good grades.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe we have a textbook @humblebrag

From Urban Dictionary:
Humblebrag – Subtly letting others now about how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or “woe is me” gloss.

I’ve been home quite a few times since coming to college. I’ve seen the new Chamber perform a few times. I also saw their opera performance. I was so jealous. They got full costumes, make-up, blocking, some of them even had lines!!! What did we get? We stood in back of the orchestra in our boring old tuxes! Oh well, I guess that’s life.

#FirstWorldProblems (I wish Twitter was around back then. So I’d know what to avoid and these letters would be 140 characters or less)

In other Stockton news, Kelly [Friend from High School] has gotten married. I was home for Kelly’s wedding and I went with Holly. When your sister got up and sang I spent five minutes looking around for you, until I realized you were in [College far away] and you probably wouldn’t have flown down for the wedding.

“I spent five minutes looking for you.” …even though I knew you were 800 miles away. Young Tim is

A) Keepin’ it creepy
B) Not very bright
C) Not doing himself any favors by sharing this information

It was the first time I’ve ever attended a Mormon wedding. It was a great deal different from a Catholic wedding, where the priest goes on, and on, and on, and on,…until finally everyone dies of boredom. Which is okay because then the priest can perform the funeral.

I’m a little worried. That actually made me chuckle. Was that a decent joke or am I reading so many of my bad letters that I’m starting to revert back into young Tim?

Right now I’m sitting around watching Star Trek in what is laughingly called my dorm room (Kind of cramped for a dorm room, but very spacious for a phone booth.)

I know you readers haven’t read all my old letters, but I use that exact joke in probably 5 different letters. Not only was I a creepy dork, I was a HACKY creepy dork.

Speaking of phone, I don’t know if you ever feel the need to talk to a wild haired freak on the phone, but if you do, my number is [my number at college]

That’s weird. She never called. I wonder why…

(When you call, ask for Bruno. That’s my new name here. Makes me sound a lot more macho doesn’t it?…Yes, I’m kidding.)

Ah…never mind.

Well, I must sign off now because I have a quiz in math tomorrow and I think I’ll study for this one because I don’t want to push my luck. Write me if you get a chance and always remember: a man with three heads may look peculiar but at least he can wear three times as many hats at one time. I hope that valuable piece of data enriched your life in innumerable ways.

Love always,
Tim Babb #29

Nailed it!

Oh lord! I just opened the next letter I wrote to Emma. It’s so much worse. Not creepy, just sad this time. Holy crap! I am amazed that any of the people I knew in high school even allow me to be Facebook friends with them. I’m pretty sure the only reason Andy is still my friend is because I never wrote him any letters in college.

If it wasn’t so much fun making ripping apart my younger self, I would burn this hard drive.

3 Responses to “You Asked For It, Emma…”

  1. DeanNo Gravatar Says:

    I just realized that you can “open” letters to these girls because by the time you were in college, email had been invented. Lack of technology saves my ego… huzzah!

  2. JennNo Gravatar Says:

    Dean brings up an interesting point, Tim. I was assuming these letters were mailed, and you had the Word file (or whatever format) saved on your computer. Did you type your letters and mail them, or are all these emails? If they’re emails, did you actually go to the trouble of saving your messages? I had my first email account my freshman year of college, but it was text-based and I had to go to a campus computer lab to go online. I’m not sure I could have saved anything, unless it was to a floppy. (I think I’m only a year older than you.). You’ve also been complaining about MySpace dumping your old blogs. Have you always been obsessed with documenting your life? Maybe you could write a blog about this.

  3. Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    I’m sorry I never responded to you guys (Dean and Jenn). These letters were indeed Word files that I typed up and printed out. I saved them because I am a hoarder. I love to go back and look at stuff like this.

    For instance, I am currently re-reading my old blog when I should be typing a new one or sleeping

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