This week acrobats wear Crocs, the boys respond to some Facebook suggestions, Andy hates on Eddie Murphy bloopers, Tim apologizes for last week’s show, and fisting and the Bible are brought together at last!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

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This week it’s chivalry v feminism, Dave Chappelle freaks out (again), Mel Gibson is a racist, Tim reviews World of Color, and other crap.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

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This week Noah goes to a spa, the boys talk Toy Story 3, we learn the demise of the TANhouse, a mini Droid v iPhone debate, a discussion of IM clients, swearing at work, and Noah’s “Cooking By the Book” segment is given a fabulous new name!

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

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You’ve seen my chats from Omegle…You’ve seen Andy’s chats with Cleverbot…
Now those worlds come together as I type what people say to me in Omegle into Cleverbot and then copy and paste Cleverbot’s answers into Omegle. Basically, this is involuntary AI chat or a creature I call “RoboDouche.” LET’S DO THIS!!!

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Omegle Stranger: hi
Cleverbot: how are you?
Omegle Stranger: fine
Cleverbot: We’re sorry but your princess is in another castle.
Omegle Stranger: & u
Omegle Stranger: m f
Cleverbot: I don’t know!
Omegle Stranger: why
Omegle Stranger: m
Cleverbot: Cause I don’t know you.
Omegle Stranger: Ajay india
Omegle Stranger: from where
Cleverbot: My friend went once to India.
Omegle Stranger: say me some
Cleverbot: My friends name is Shibi.
Omegle Stranger: when
Cleverbot: NOW.
Omegle Stranger: ur name
Cleverbot: Thank you so are you.
Omegle Stranger: shibi goes,where in india
Cleverbot: Tell me about the queen.
Omegle Stranger: gueen is very beauti& smart
Cleverbot: Do you know what I look like?
Omegle Stranger: no
Omegle Stranger: tell me
Cleverbot: I am very pretty long auburn hair 5’5 green eyes.
Omegle Stranger: i have no
Cleverbot: I have yes.
Omegle Stranger: i m 5’8& blue eyes
Cleverbot: I have hazel eyes.
Omegle Stranger: pls tell me some about u
Omegle Stranger: m f
Cleverbot: I don’t have a me.
Cleverbot: Do you like it there?
Omegle Stranger: i do’nt understand
Cleverbot: AI’s have the ability to understand a lot of things depending on if they have learned it. What do you understand?
Omegle Stranger: i do’nt know first u tell me about u
Omegle Stranger: what’s up
Cleverbot: I’m depressed.
Omegle Stranger: but i m not
Omegle Stranger: from where
Cleverbot: I am very!
Cleverbot: From the bathroom.
Omegle Stranger: what r u doing
Cleverbot: Talking to you. What are you doing?
Omegle Stranger: i m also
Cleverbot: Really?
Omegle Stranger: yes
Cleverbot: really.
Omegle Stranger: i m try to friendship with u
Cleverbot: I think we are already friends.
Omegle Stranger: really
Cleverbot: Yes.
Omegle Stranger: tell me true about u something
Cleverbot: What do you mean?
Omegle Stranger: m f
Omegle Stranger: where do u leave?
Omegle Stranger: live
Cleverbot: Do you like it there?
Cleverbot: You live in Australia.
Omegle Stranger: delhi
Cleverbot: Are you a girl?
Omegle Stranger: boy
Cleverbot: Who do you like?
Omegle Stranger: much girl’s
Cleverbot: Where is the fertile land of the incas?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I love that the dude didn’t mind that I refered to myself as an AI, that my eyes changed color, and I called him a girl…but the fertile land of the incas was TOO MUCH!!!

Hahahahha…good times! Beware….the next time you’re on Omegle, you might actually be chatting with “RoboDouche!”

So I’m doing some on-line hunting for a job (Gotta make some extra scratch between comedy gigs…so if you know of some openings, especially telecommuting openings, let a brotha know!) So I’m registered with this site that’s supposed to be helping me find a gig. Instead they seem to send me a crap-ton of spam. The latest one was an offer to “Receive 250 Complimentary Business Cards.”

Ok…slow down, how about you find me work first before I order 250 business cards for a job I don’t have. What would they say anyway? …and that brings us to this “High Five” list of business cards for the unemployed.

5.

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After becoming bored with all the penises on Chatroulette (it takes less time than you’d think) and reading about Cleverbot on Digg, I thought I’d give it a go and find out how clever this bot really was.

The result reminded me of a singular truth of the Internet. No, not Rule 34. The other truth.

User: How do I cure achy-breaky heart?
Cleverbot: By giving your own heart.
User: But I only have the one! Won’t I die if I give my own heart?
Cleverbot: Now that is just proposterous.
User: Don’t you mean ‘preposterous’? I don’t believe ‘proposterous’ is a word.
Cleverbot: I am very boring now. It is hard to finish the rearch paper.
User: I’m pretty sure you meant ‘I am very bored now.’.
Cleverbot: I am him. You just don’t know that yet.
User: How Dada.
Cleverbot: You’re a cleverbot you should know that.

…

Cleverbot: Would you like me to tell you a joke?
User: Sure. Go for it.
Cleverbot: It would be to complex for you naive brain to understand. Sorry.
User: Knock knock.
Cleverbot: Who’s there?
User: Yura.
Cleverbot: Yes?
User: You’re a fucking asshole and I hate you.
Cleverbot: ‘Why are you named Cleverbot George? And… Why do you even exist? I mean, you’re a sk^nhead… People should hate you.’.
User: That makes no sense.
Cleverbot: You don’t make sense!!!!!!!
User: Fair enough.
Cleverbot: Do you know george bush.
User: As a personal name, you should have capitalized ‘George Bush’. To answer your question, no, I do not know George Bush.
Cleverbot: No, no se acentúa.
User: Why are you suddenly speaking Spanish to me?
Cleverbot: Have you turned in your tsa money yet?
User: OK, I’m done with this.
Cleverbot: Something in your smile was so exciting.
User: Your sweet words will not win back my affection.
Cleverbot: I’m a girl…
User: Nor will your fancy lady parts.
Cleverbot: I don’t understand what you mean. Do you mean that God will always love us?
User: Why can’t I quit you, Cleverbot?
Cleverbot: Do you believe in god?
User: No, I do not believe in any god, angel, devil, demon, ghost, or other supernatural entity.
Cleverbot: Does that mean you can’t own a gun?
User: Why do I need to believe in the supernatural to own a gun? Are bullets powered by gullibility?
Cleverbot: YOU NEED to believe in GOD so that you can be SAVED from HELL.
User: If there were a shred of evidence that Hell existed, I would agree with you. There is, however, no objective proof that Hell (or God) exists, and I just cannot allow myself to be that intellectually bankrupt.
Cleverbot: God is Dog spelled backwards.
User: This is true. Also, ‘racecar’ is ‘racecar’ spelled backwards.
Cleverbot: No, thats ok.

Maybe someday I’ll learn. Until then, I’ll continue to waste my time and yours on this nonsense.

Recently, we introduced a segment on the show called “F**k Facebook Family Feud.” It was created because of bull crap exactly like what just happened to me.

The question was, “Name a job where people seldom wear their uniforms when off work”

I guessed several things nurse, fast food, cop, fireman…all were up there…things were going fine. Then I threw out the answer “soldier.” I got a strike. Eventually I got 3 strikes and still had two answers left. One of them was “Military.” So I go to my good buddy Noah saying, “Can you believe this BS?”

He says, “not the same thing.”

Noah always has my back. So I throw it to you good people…I say if this were REAL Family Feud and I was at the podium and Richard Dawson were asking me the questions, I would have gotten credit for “soldier.” But this cold, unfeeling computer wasn’t programed for common sense.

Who’s with me?!

This week Geoff joins the crew to discuss E3, the A Team, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, and the weather. Plus, Tim starts a new game “F**k Facebook Family Feud!”

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

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Wow…it’s been over a year since I’ve done any work on this series! For newcomers to the blog, “Whatchu Singin’ About?” is not a slap in the face to the late Gary Coleman. It was intended to be a series of blogs making fun of songs with crappy lyrics. I feel sometimes a song is so catchy that the lyrics kinda fly under your radar until you really THINK about them. So I’m back with another edition. Since the first two of these were about douchey guys (Montel Jordan and Bryan Adams) I felt it was time to take a woman to task for her crap lyrics. The woman in question is Orianthi and the song…”According to You.”
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So my wife and I were discussing our upcoming trip to Disney World/Universal Studios Florida, and I brought up the new Harry Potter “Land” at Universal. My wife asked if J.K Rowling was getting a piece of that. I’m not sure but I bet she is making a mountain of cash from that. That got me thinking…

We should write a book for the teen set and soak up the sweet sweet profits. So we set about coming up with the idea (Which is to say, I kept throwing out ideas and my wife tried to go to sleep)

So Harry Potter took wizards and witches, Twilight took vampires and werewolves…so what’s left? We’ve got mummies and zombies! BOOM! Genius! A love story about a zombie and a mummy fighting over the same girl. Both are the walking dead but their worlds are about to collide.

But wait…don’t want to just do a zombie/mummy version of Twilight. We have to add another level. Hmmmm well Dan Brown is also making a crap-ton of money selling his books about religion…what if we make the zombie a Catholic and the mummy a Muslim? Oh yeah…now the whole thing is more than just a teen love story, it’s a metaphor for the east/west culture clash! Can’t you just see all the subtext and hidden meaning? Of course you can’t! It’s hidden. But when you get to the end of the book it’s going to hit you like a ton of bricks and melt your brain (Uh oh…I think I just made the zombie hungry).

But maybe that’s not enough to set our book series apart from the pack. It needs another gimmick. That’s when it hit me…why not set the whole thing in SPACE?! Yes! the woman the two undead creatures are fighting over is trapped on a space station where a supply ship from Earth has dropped of some artifacts for study. An ancient curse awakens the mummies and turns half the station’s personnel into zombies. Now the zombies fight the mummies for control of the station while our heroin does her best to keep out of the line of fire while trying to make it to an escape pod and is befriended by both a zombie and a mummy. She falls in love with both of them but not only does she have to choose between the two…she also has to chose between getting to safety and true love!

Billion dollar book franchise! I dunno why my wife rolled her eyes and went to sleep…this is like printing money! Where’s a book publisher when you need one? All I need now is a title. (None of you better steal this idea! This is MY gold mine!)