About an Hour of Bull$#!%


Rejected by Cracked: Movies from Websites

October 13th, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

That’s it. I’m done. I’ve been entering Cracked Photoshop contests for a while now and I have yet to win…but this week was the last straw. The theme of the contest this week was inspired by the Facebook movie, The Social Network. The premise was, since THAT movie was successful, what will be the NEXT website made into a movie?

This week’s contest actually caught my imagination and I made more than a dozen entries. Not only did I not win but only two of my entries were chosen for their top 19 and my best entry was DELETED off the forums by the Cracked editors.

Well screw you, Cracked, I’m not playing your game anymore! You get no more free work out of me. Fortunately for the rest of you, I saved all my entries and I’m going to display them all for you…even the ones that made the Cracked list. (I think that’s against the rules but screw them! What can they do? Take the money away that I didn’t win?) In keeping with true Cracked tradition they are in no particular order of greatness and #1 is definitely not the best…

#15) Hampsterdance.com:
This one was my first entry and actually made their stupid list…at number 14. WTF?!

#14) Snopes.com:
If you don’t know, this is a site dedicated to debunking urban legends, bogus e-mail forwards, and such. Someone else did a Snopes entry and Cracked chose theirs to put on their list. It wasn’t as funny or intricate and showed way less Anne Hatha-leg. Poor move, Cracked. (PS check the credits…”Seth Rogan as Mikey”…as in “Mikey likes it,” the kid from the Life cereal commercials who supposedly died from eating Pop Rocks and soda…GENIUS)

#13) Snakesonablog.com:
Can’t really blame them for not including this one…but it made ME laugh.

#12) Friendster.com:
Not only did Cracked skip this gem, but there was a Myspace entry by someone else with a similar theme that I thought sure was a shoe-in. I guess if it’s actually enjoyable, Cracked isn’t interested.
(WOW…I am bitter this week)

#11) Pornfortheblind.org:
I showed this one to Noah…he didn’t care for it. Right now Cracked is in the process of hiring him to kill dreams.

#10) Napster.com:
Someone on the forums said this one was the most likely to be an actual movie. Apparently that doesn’t make it any more likely to win $50!

#9) Hotels.com:
Get it? He tried to go on vacation but all the hotels were booked! So then he started Hotels.com so he’d never have to go through that again. Plus it’s directed by Ron Howard, so it features his brother Clint Howard…so many jokes…so little sense of humor at Cracked.

#8) Woot.com:
Can you see the reflection of the Macbook in his eyes? Comedy gold! What more do you need?! (I am very near tears at this moment)

#7) Psychoexgirlfriend.com:
This site is gone, but you can still find the content on YouTube. It was basically a site purporting to play messages from an obsessive girlfriend calling her then boyfriend upwards of 20 times in a night leaving very crazy messages. (Extra in-joke goodness…Message 31 was pulled from the site with only a cryptic explanation…so the answering machine is currently on message 31)

#6) VMK.com:
This one is for my Disney peeps. VMK (Virtual Magic Kingdom) was a fun little site that Disney made for Disneyland’s 50th birthday that allowed you to have a little avatar and run around in a crazy Magic Kingdom and play games based on some of the rides and chat with other avatars. It was tons of fun. I knew this one was way too obscure to make Cracked’s list…but I knew I’d do this blog. So, enjoy fellow Disney geeks!

#5) WordPress.org:
Another one I can’t blame Cracked for not using. But I had to get a Tyler Perry entry in and give a shout out to the folks who make TANcast possible (much love, WordPress).

#4) Cleverbot.com:
This one made their list too…at #16. Honestly, I didn’t think it would. I didn’t think anyone would read the hilarious website at the bottom of the poster. Besides, I thought a lot of mine were better. Such as…

#3) Pets.com:
We were just talking about this site on TANcast 120. Epic internet failure. Second only to…

#2) Webvan.com:
This was the other site Noah was trying to think of. Get it? They’re driving off a cliff! Brilliant commentary on a website that failed 10 years ago!

#1) TANcast.com:
THIS was the post that got deleted! WTF?! WITMFF?!! How dare you, Cracked?! There was nothing in the rules that said you couldn’t post a self-serving entry for a site 1,000 times more obscure than VMK! I didn’t expect this to win, but to be deleted?! Uncalled for!!! Go screw yourselves!

…and that’s the story of why Tim stopped entering Cracked Photoshop contests. (Hey…they should make that into a movie!)

7 Responses to “Rejected by Cracked: Movies from Websites”

  1. NateNo Gravatar Says:

    I didn’t know Harrison Ford was 1/2 black…

  2. Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    @Nate Well, Sam Jackson’s not half white…it balances out

  3. Robert AndersonNo Gravatar Says:

    Nice work. I especially liked Pets.com…I mean, OUCH! And how anyone could’ve invested in Webvan is beyond me.

    “Hi Webvan? It’s 3am and I’d like a Snickers bar…You can? COOL!”

  4. GeoffNo Gravatar Says:

    Your extreme bitterness amuses me.

  5. BryanNo Gravatar Says:

    Croc Life productions? GEEEEEEnius!

  6. Alissa (TANcast's #1 Female Fan and NEW #3 Fan/the second A in TANcast))No Gravatar Says:

    I would see the cleverbot one. you know why? Betty Buckley is in it.

  7. Andy (TANcast's #1 Ear-Rapist)No Gravatar Says:

    It’s been a year and I JUST noticed that Kobin Hoodi wrote “TANcast: The Movie”.

    Fucking epic, Tim.

    Well, fucking epic for you, me, Scott, Joe, and my brother, i.e. all the people on Planet Earth who get that joke.

    KPH 4 Life, motherfuckers!

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