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Rejected By Cracked: Movies From the Perspective of Minor Characters

June 15th, 2011 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

C’mon Cracked! How much rejection can one man take? Even my high school self didn’t get rejected this much! I realize that this week’s contest* spawned hundreds of entries…but in your 28 finalists, you didn’t even pick ONE of mine? Not one? How could you pass up these gems…

Star Trek (2009)
C’mon people! A red shirt joke! What better example of a minor character could there be?

Captain EO
I knew this one wasn’t getting picked…but it made me laugh (and took ridiculously long to make). For those who don’t know, comedian and podcast giant Doug Benson was an extra in the Disney 3D film Captain EO. His character was so minor that I’ve tried 30+ times to look for him and haven’t been successful yet.

Simpsons Movie
Remember the scene towards the end o the movie where Marge and the kids come back to the dome and Moe has declared himself emperor? No? Neither did the judges.

Ghostbusters
Slimer…he’s like Brad Pitt in Oceans 11. Every time you see his character, he’s eating. However, 2 other Ghostbusters entries made the list. So I can’t fault them for skipping this one.

Galaxy Quest
Remember those aliens that look all cute one second and then hideous and evil the next? This poster celebrates that dichotomy. It also celebrates failure…much like it’s creator.

Rocky
In the opening scene of the first Rocky movie, Rocky is in a fight with some dude you never see again (until Rocky VI aka Rocky Balboa). The fighter is Spider Rico. Spider headbutts Rocky to try and win the fight. If only the judges at Cracked knew this, they might have picked this gem.

The Muppets Take Manhattan
Do you know how much work went into recreating that stupid Sex and the City font? Too much! (Too bad there isn’t a horse Muppet, that would have made this perfect)

Men In Black 2
I thought this was perfect. Michael has one scene in the whole movie (two if you count his voice over). One of his 3 lines was about how he got a treaty signed. BOOM! Comedy magic! But noooooooooooo. Not to Cracked. I’m off to go sulk until they release the next contest where I don’t get picked.
🙁

*You may notice that there is no link to the Cracked contest in this blog. Screw ’em. At the time I’m posting this, their article has been viewed 370,492 times. I don’t think the entire TANcast site has been viewed that much since we started.

4 Responses to “Rejected By Cracked: Movies From the Perspective of Minor Characters”

  1. FrancisJav Says:

    2 cents from someone who stumbled onto this looking for something else on Google, but fully aware of Cracked’s “photoplasty” contests.
    1. I have too much time on my hands.
    2. I lack hobbies or meaningful relationships.
    3. I hate myself, and by extension the world and everything in it.
    4. I don’t understand Tim’s sense of humor, and this enrages me.
    5. (This one is an assumption) Tim’s cock is bigger than mine.
    I am not a “hater” of yours, but I have seen much of you around “Cracked”. I’m frankly jealous and wish I could switch lives with you. Instead I’m posting this comment on your website in order to ineffectually try to drag you down and make you feel 1% as bad about yourself as I feel about myself.

  2. Andy (TANcast's #1 Ear-Rapist) Says:

    @FrancisJav: Welcome to TANcast. Guess what the site admin can do.

    Kisses,
    Andy

  3. FrancisJav Says:

    ALL HAIL THE ALMIGHTY ADMINISTRATOR! I must thank you for showing me what a little mind I have.
    I guess my ego can’t take an opinion different from mine. This has to be the first time in my life I have seen the truth!.
    Also, I do have a tiny cock. Tiiiiiiiiiny.

  4. Andy (TANcast's #1 Ear-Rapist) Says:

    @FrancisJav: You apparently don’t understand how this works.

    Kisses,
    Andy

    PS: Congrats about the tiny cock.

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