Another bitter entry from Tim? Must be a Wednesday!
Cracked totally screwed the pooch this week with their contest where participants were challenged to show what famous movies would look like if they were made in Japan. Look I get it. Cracked does these contests and there have to be winners and losers. But not ONE of my entries were picked and I think some of the ones they DID pick suuuuuuuuuuuuucked! This was the prompt we were given:
These will be classic movies, if they’d been made in the land of anime, robots and unspeakable perversions.
You can go here to see all the chosen entries…but I’d say almost half of them don’t stack up to these:
Can’t get much more classic than Snow White. I even took the extra time and effort to give her huge anime boobs and eyes. Now I will admit that the contest was jam packed with tentacle entries but mine was first and I think mine was funniest. (Certainly funnier than the Graduate one they chose)
I thought this was funny. But I will admit the “Indy getting chased by _____ instead of a boulder” image gets submitted in 9 out of 10 Photoshop contest.
Okay…this one is a little racist…okay it’s pretty much just racist. But I was going for ironic racism….no? ok…fine. I was going for the one stereotype that none of the other contestants had used. (At least I wasn’t one of the dozens who simply took a movie poster and changed the R’s to L’s.)
This one has not only the joke of the Running Man competing in one of those crazy Japanese game shows, but look at Arnold’s face? That’s comedy!
Not the most hilarious entry, I’ll grant you…but do you know how long it took to give Ultraman the color scheme of Ironman? Too long for me to not include it in this list, that’s how long!
Now this entry looks much more racist than it is. As such, it’s my favorite and the one I’m most annoyed didn’t get chosen. You see the very first movie with synchronized sound was the Jazz Singer. Unfortunately, that movie features Al Jolson in black face singing a song called Mammy. So I figured that in Japan, he would be doing it at a karaoke bar. So you see how it’s not racist? I await your apology, Cracked!
WARNING-The next image contains violent imagery that may be disturbing…especially to younger readers. Please excrsize discretion.
In Japan, M. Night would have commuted Seppuku (harakiri) after dishonoring himself with this movie.