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Rejected By Cracked: R-Rated Versions of Classic Disney Movies

October 13th, 2011 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

Day 13:

Cracked ran another Photoshop contest (as they are known to do), but this one seemed like it had “Tim Babb” written all over it. They told us to show what it would look like if Disney movies got gritty, R-rated reboots. Out of all the entries I submitted, only one got chosen. Ah well, what the Cracked readers missed out on, you get to enjoy. (If you’d like to hear more about my entry that did make the list check out “yesterday’s” blog.)

Davy Crockett
At first I thought this might have been flagged for accuracy since Davy is clearly older than 3 and he’s standing in front of the Alamo. (He was born on a mountain top in Tennessee…greenest state in the land of the free). But then, the #2 entry on the official list wasn’t even a Disney movie. So I assume this was just too awesome.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks
It’s harder than you’d think to find a photo of someone tied to a bed who isn’t naked. In fact, the reason the broom is in that spot is because the young lady in the photo has a little more of herself showing than is safe for work. Oh…and in case you were wondering, “Substitutiary Locomotion” was a spell from the movie that brought inanimate things to life. …so you can guess what that broom is about to do.

Country Bears
I’ll admit, the execution on this one isn’t the best, but I couldn’t find the right source images. I wanted to put Wendell behind Ned Beatty in the infamous “squeal like a pig” scene. But I think the Deliverance joke still comes through.

Do you know how many “Blob” movie posters I had to go through before I found this image? 3…so it wasn’t that impressive. Still, if you don’t think it’s funny, flub you!

Great Mouse Detective
Who’s the rat private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks? (Basil!) You damn right!

Everyone else was doing jokes with his nose…I decided to go a different way.
…a different, disturbing way.

Return to Never Land
Cheap joke? Yes. Does it fit the theme? Not really. But look at those kids’ faces. Totally worth it.

Herbie: Fully Loaded
This would be more accurate if you gave Lindsay the keys these days.

Chicken Little
See in the Disney movie “Chicken Little,” there were actual aliens arriving on earth. So in the reboot, Chicken Little kicks some furry, alien butt!

Treasure Planet
This one was rough. My original plan was to do Treasure Planet in the style of Heavy Metal. Then, midway though making that version of this, someone else posted a Heavy Metal gag. So I scrapped that to go with an anime/tentacle thing. Then I sat through several horrible, soul-scarring movies to get screen shots. I compiled them together to make a poster that suuuuuucked. Then I gave up and made this using a picture of Doctor Octopus’ arms from a Spider-Man comic. Now you know the behind-the-fail of this joke.

4 Responses to “Rejected By Cracked: R-Rated Versions of Classic Disney Movies”

  1. Lindsey #1 Harry Potter/Doctor Who/Merlin/Is it British? I'll watch it FanNo Gravatar Says:

    Boo TIm Babb for not giving credit to the original artist of the Jim Hawkins picture. He has an amazing gallery of luscious Disney men in various states of undress.


  2. Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    I didn’t give credit to the artist of those legs either…where’s your ire about THAT, hypocrite?

  3. Andy (TANcast's #1 Ear-Rapist)No Gravatar Says:

    My eyes.

    I cannot unsee.

  4. Jesus(formally Latino_Jess)No Gravatar Says:

    Who doesn’t love Tentacle Hentai?

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