A tiny boil on the ass of the Internet.


TANcast 305 – Bubble Gooch

October 27th, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

This week, Andy wins some money, Noah has a birthday, and Tim can’t steer the ship! Plus, it’s the final match up in the preliminary round of the Worst. Movie. Ever Tournament as Blood Glacier goes up against Santa Claus Conqueror the Martians.

00:00 – 02:00 Intro
02:20 – 16:12 Andy Wins Money
16:12 – 27:02 TANlaughs (Listener submitted jokes)
27:02 – 37:42 How the F*** Was Everyone’s Week?
37:42 – 41:21 TANflix (Movie Reviews: Bad Words)
41:21 – 62:48 Worst. Movie. Ever. Tournament
62:48 – 66:50 Wrap Up
66:50 – 67:52 ?????

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.
Read the rest of this entry »

join the discussion

Halloween Expectation vs Halloween Reality

October 30th, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

Recently, I re-posted this pic on Facebook:

Man, I can relate. I had such lofty hopes for decorating my house this year for Halloween. I had these big plans to make my house up with a Pirates of the Caribbean theme (I can NEVER spell Caribbean right on the first try! Thank the lord for spell check).

I have a friend who used to really go all out to make his house look like the Haunted Mansion with the Nightmare Before Christmas overlay. It was pretty epic…

Even if my video/editing skills were…less than epic.

So even though I knew my house wouldn’t look as cool as that, I did have some ideas that I thought were cool. I bought an inflatable skeleton to be like one of the many skeletons you pass in the early part of the pirates ride. I made a custom Jolly Rodger poster for my front door. Then, the trick I thought would be so cool, I was going to turn my garage into a pirate prison. The plan was to use my Surface tablet to project a video of me in a pirate costume demanding to be let out. My plan was that this would all come together for an overall cool effect.

Then came reality…

Granted, it’s daytime so it doesn’t look its best. However, it’s not like there’s some mood lighting that’ll be going on at night. Look at the sad little skeleton…

He’s all slumped over, the sword that is supposed to have “killed” him is barely visible and his pirate hat keeps falling off.

The “Beware” sign looks like a diaper box that was painted by a 3 year-old and then set on fire…because that’s totally what happened…

And the garage just looks like a garage with a few random things on it. (In my defense, pirate decorations are really hard to find. It’s all about zombies now)

Speaking of the garage, as I mentioned, I was planning to film myself making pirate taunts that would hopefully scare passers by. Luckily, I was able to nab an eye patch more than a month before Halloween. I was going to film with it and then put it on the skeleton guy. Well, 4 days before Halloween, I lost it. So I had to make do with…gorilla tape. (It’s like duck tape, but black. Wait…is that racist?)

This would definitely scare passersby.

Eh…I have a few more touches to add before the big day…we’ll see if that helps.

UPDATE: 10/30/14 10:37PM
Well so much for extra touches.

My wife found the eye patch…which is great news. So I went to record my jump scare pirate bits over again on my Surface. I did a pretty good take. A nice 10 minute loop. I went to check it. As I was grabbing the tape to secure the Surface to the garage window I hear it crash to the ground…

As you might imagine the touch screen doesn’t work anymore. It DOES embed tiny shards of glass in your fingers now, so there’s that. But Microsoft will repair it for me for $200. Then again, I can get a whole new one on Amazon for $209.

I ruined a $200 piece of technology to do a stupid gag that no one but me even really cares about. You can not imagine how dumb I feel right now. Oh wait, did I mention the Surface was a Christmas gift from my mom. Yeah, it’s not even a year old.

I throw the world “fail” around a lot, but tonight, I really achieved it.

Happy Halloween

join the discussion

High 5 Horror Theme Songs

October 29th, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

Last year, I did a High 5 list of “Halloween Songs.” But this year I’m going to focus just on songs from horror movies. I’m sticking with instrumental tracks that will give that spooky feel. Here we go…


This is an obvious one. It was on the list last year. (And just like last year, I still haven’t seen the movie) But this is a great, spooky song.


Add this to the list of movies I haven’t seen. In fact I have no interest in seeing any of this series of flicks. But you can not deny that theme song. Spooky, intense, and quite hummable in parts.


Come on. How could this NOT be on my list? This is one of the most iconic pieces of horror music of all time. Can’t take a shower this time of year without this playing in your head. Right? No? I’m the only one?



Okay, maybe this isn’t technically a “horror” movie, but this is a great theme by the amazing Danny Elfman. It’s definitely light-hearted but has a very spooky vibe to it. Then that boisterous ending really drives it home.


You’re never going to be able to top John Williams…why even try?

I’m listening to this as I type…and I’m no where near the water, and it still puts me on edge. Even if this wasn’t from a movie about a killer shark, it would be a beautifully scary piece of music

Did I forget any? Let me know in the comments.

join the discussion

A Comic Father’s Dream

October 28th, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

A long while ago, someone got me a “children’s book” by Jerry Seinfeld.

Available wherever people are still selling books

I put “children’s book” in quotes because it’s really just a bit from his act turned SUPER G-rated and illustrated. Not that it’s less cool because of this, I just didn’t want to make it sound like Jerry Seinfeld woke up one day and wrote a kids’ book.

So the other day I decide to read this book to my child since it’s almost Halloween. A lot of the jokes are probably over his head and some of the references he will NEVER get (when was the last time they sold those loose rubber costumes with the cheap plastic masks?) …but he loved it. I’m no expert on such things, but it might be the recurring theme of candy in the story.

We read it through a couple times and at one point my son asks me about the person who wrote the story. So I was trying to explain Jerry Seinfeld to my 3 year-old and without thinking I said, “He gets on a stage and makes people laugh just like daddy does.” At that point, I was really glad my kid was only 3…so he couldn’t call me out on what a stretch THAT was. I mean, yes that’s technically true…but I don’t want you to think I harbor any delusions of being “just like” Jerry Seinfeld.

Here’s the thing, the book also comes with a CD of Seinfeld performing the book version of this bit…

So I played that for my son, and he said he’d rather I read it.

Yeah, that’s right…my son thinks I’m funnier than Jerry Seinfeld. BOOYAH!!! (Yeah, I know he’s biased…and 3…but on the other hand, shut up!)

join the discussion

Finally! Someone Gets It!

October 27th, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

I don’t know what it is about the people who group candy together for those Halloween grab bags, but most of the suck. They can’t ever get the mix right. It’s a group of good candies spoiled by one that no one wants and when the trick or treaters are gone, you can count on a whole bowl of the crappy candy left behind. Yeah, they took all the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Kit Kats, and Hershey bars…and they left you with a bunch of “fun” sized Twizzlers. (Side note: F*** Twizzlers forever)

I mean really, what business do Gobstoppers have in a bag with Butterfingers, Nestle Crunch, and Twix? Get ‘em Outta there! And you can just hold those Hershey White Chocolate monstrosities as well.

Well, tonight I went to the store for something completely else and stumbled upon this:

Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! Kit Kat’s and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups go together like Riggs and Murtaugh…like Jay ans Silent Bob…like Tim and out of date movie references. They don’t need anybody else. Just two candy buddies broin’ out and having their own party.

Take a lesson, other candies. Just partner up with one good buddy and be done with it. Don’t pity invite the loser kid to your party…because he’ll show. Trust me, Whoppers did NOT have any other plans tonight.

join the discussion

I Had Totally Forgotten About This!

October 26th, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

We were recording a new show this morning, and while Noah and Andy kept trying to drag things off topic (which they did several times) the mentioned the song Bubblegoose by Wyclef Jean.

I didn’t remember the reference at first, but when I was editing the show, I remembered it was featured on South Park back in the day…

I’m not sure they meant this version, but I used to love that CD. I have no idea where it is now. That kinda bums me out, but thank the good lord for YouTube and those who are willing to break copyright laws so the rest of us don’t have to get off our butts and look for the CDs we’ve lost. You’re all American heroes!

join the discussion

How I Found Out About The Avengers 2 Trailer

October 25th, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

Before I get to the story of how I found out about the Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer, lets just watch it again, shall we?

So excited about this movie. I think I could watch that trailer everyday until the novie comes out. But here’s how I found out that the trailer was online Read the rest of this entry »

join the discussion

Road Rage Hurts

October 24th, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have seen this post early this morning:

Let me tell you, friends, I was not joking. That happened on the drive t work this morning and my neck still hurts and it’s almost midnight. All I did was scream and all of a sudden my neck seized up on the right side. I think the slow driver in front of me must have been into witch craft or something. Now, when I want to turn my head I have to do the bat turn…

Your pal Tim is falling apart in front of your eyes. Save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

join the discussion

My Thoughts on Renée Zellweger

October 23rd, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

join the discussion

My Buddy (Walk) and Me

October 22nd, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

I am old! I am a sad, old man.

On Saturday I participated in the Bay Area Buddy Walk in San Jose to raise money to aid the National Down Syndrome Society. It was a fun day out with my family and we raised some money for a good cause.

See? Tim is not a 100% jerk-face

However, that was almost 5 days ago. My back still hurts. Like a lot. Like if I turn my head too fast I wincing in pain hurts. It’s not like the Buddy Walk was 15 miles or something. It was maybe a quarter mile.

What happened to my once magnificent body? Ok…”magnificent” might be strong, but at least adequate. Now I’m just a pile of failure wrapped in a skin bag. Don’t be like me kids. Save yourselves. Stop reading this and go for a jog or something. Or whatever these kids do to stay in shape.

Now if you’ll excuse me, leaning over to type is hurting my already sore back.


join the discussion