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Pay no attention to that monkey behind the curtain…

January 25th, 2010 . by Andy (TANcast's #1 Ear-Rapist)

There will be a plaintive earful in the TANcast we recorded yesterday, but I wanted to toss this up in writing since it’s been on my mind recently.

Please don’t out me.

If you know me, you know what sort of jobs I do and you probably understand why I don’t want Google to connect real me to TANcast me in any way, shape, or form. Office environments tend to frown on the sort of loose talk and questionable content we enjoy throwing at passers-by (à la feces) and employers know how to search the Internet.

If you’re a listener/reader who doesn’t know me personally, I’ll elaborate a little.

I like food. I like for my family to have food. I need to earn money to buy said food. TANcast costs me money to keep running (not nearly as much as food costs), so I also need to earn money to make TANcast go. I also like porn, but porn is free with the price of Internet.

Corporate America sucks in a lot of ways. It may not hire you if you say things like “I also like porn” in public, and, rest assured, everything on the Internet is public. I once found topless pictures of someone I knew in High School on the Internet. That was weird.

The way I reconcile being unfiltered on TANcast, thus making TANcast as much fun as it is for you guys (i.e. a little), with maintaining my professional persona is that I keep the two “me”s separate. It’s a thin veneer, more self-delusion than firewall, but it lets me feel okay with doing the shit I do here.

Those who know me personally are now thinking to themselves, “Self, doesn’t Andy curse a lot in real life, too? Doesn’t he say weird shit to coworkers to make them laugh?”

Yes, guilty as charged. But there’s a world of difference between letting the guard down a little among people you work with and being judged by people you might work with. Unless I stay at my current job for the rest of my life (Magic 8-Ball says: “Un-fucking-likely”), that’s going to matter at some point.

I’ve poked fun at this in the past, but it seems like more and more people are trying to connect the dots so I wanted to be sincere for one tiny moment.

I’m not Mysterious Andy because I’m doing a bit or running a scavenger hunt or trying to be a real-life Where’s Waldo.

I’m the monkey because I don’t think I can responsibly be the man.

So again: Please don’t try to find me or link me or friend me or out me. It’s not that I don’t like you guys. I just feel I need to keep this part of my life confined to TANcast and related, pseudonymous accounts.

Y’know, so my family can continue to buy porn.

I mean food.

20 Responses to “Pay no attention to that monkey behind the curtain…”

  1. Melanie (TANcast's #1 MILF/GILF) Says:

    Well said, Andy. Should the undesirable ever happen, and you are outed, and lose your job as a result of the outing, let me be the first to buy you a round of porn. Um, I mean food.

  2. Joe Anthrax (TANcast's #1 Conservative Fan) Says:

    I completely sympathize with you Andy. I also work for a large corporation that would probably be very pissed if they knew that I was listening to TANcast at work, even though I work with only one other person (who actually intoduced me to TANcast) in the middle of the night. Podcasts, like yours, are one of the ways that we are able to keep on going come the wee hours of the morning since TV’s aren’t allowed and radio here blows. And yes, although it would be nice to see the real Andy at some point in time, it wouldn’t be worth it if the real Andy get in trouble with his job.

  3. Bryce (Tancasts #3 Fan) Says:

    Why would anyone here “out” you anyway? We’re all ok with you being gay, Andy. I mean…Crocs? Come on.

  4. Murray (TANcast's #1 Aussie Fan) Says:

    I have increasingly felt the need for anonymity online in the time I’ve listened to TANcast. In fact, I had a concern the other day when a worksafe site at which I use a (slight) pseudonym mentioned my real name (from a donation). All quite innocently meant, but from my real name to the pseudonym I use on that site would be an easy step, and from there, it would be a quick googlestep to other sites I’ve left comments at under that pseudonym which are, if not quite NSFW (well… probably, based on language), at least not safe to be associated with at my work.

  5. EJ (TANcast's #1 Bisexual Fan) Says:

    don’t blame u

  6. Andy Says:

    I may not have been 100% clear: Nobody’s tried to maliciously pull back the curtain. There have been a few people over the months who’ve tried to guess or ask “Is _____ really Andy?” or post links or whatnot. We’ve poked fun at me being a cypher of sorts, but I think that playfulness made it a game.

    I just wanted to make this request in order to clarify the situation and perhaps save one or two people the minute it probably takes to track down my tax records, phone number, and dick size (please report it in metric if you are forced to).

    Oh, and to kill joy, of course, for that is my super power.

  7. Nate Says:

    I agree with Murray in that I also have felt the need to create a separate and secret online persona, if only so that I can rant about my wife without her castrating me while I sleep.

  8. Logan Says:

    Yeah I think we may all joke about who you really are, or joke about unmasking you, but truth is we don’t really care. You make us laugh and give us some entertainment. I hope no one is on here just to screw you over.

    Good luck Phil, shit I mean Andy.

  9. xapnomapcase Says:

    I’m one of the people who figured it out, and I did post it here that I had, but I never intended to talk about it online, nor would anyone in my life care if I did decide to talk about it.

    I wanted to know because there was a guy who I thought fit. I wanted to see if you were him, and it turns out you weren’t. I figured it out, shrugged, and moved on.

    It’s sad that life has to be that way, but it’s not up to me to tell anyone what should and should not be secret. The only person I have ever friended anywhere is Tim, because he’s public, because he’s working on other things, and because it doesn’t feel intrusive to do so. Though I haven’t done any of the things described in the post, I just wanted to (long-windedly) say that there’s nothing to worry about on this end.

  10. Jess (TANcasts #69, aw yeah!) Says:

    Andy, I did post a thing about finding what I thought was you on facebook (not on purpose at all!!) here on the message boards. But I wanted to let you know I would never try to “out” you to the public. I completely respect and understand why you are behind the curtain.
    I would never want anyone to lose their job because of the free entertainment they provide me. Sorry if it distressed you at all. The secret is safe with me!

  11. John Says:

    I like to think of Andy as the magical monkey who lives in my iPod and entertains me on the way to work. He wears Crocs and smells like french fries.

  12. Melanie (TANcast's #1 MILF/GILF) Says:

    I’m with John!!

  13. xapnomapcase Says:

    I’m going to be completely honest here. Though I don’t own a pair, Crocs look really comfortable.

    There. I’ve said it.

  14. Matt ( tancasts #1 and only fan from reno Says:

    I imagine this is what Andy looks like in his crocs http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m88/kelly_sarah/crocs.jpg

  15. Melanie (TANcast's #1 MILF/GILF) Says:

    Come on, now, Matt – we aren’t outing Andy!

  16. Jess (TANcasts #69, aw yeah!) Says:

    I really think we should petition the boys to change Andy’s picture from the monkey to Matt’s amazing “fat man riding in a croc” photo.

  17. Bryce (Tancasts #3 Fan) Says:

    Here. here!

  18. Matt ( tancasts #1 and only fan from reno Says:

    I second that motion

  19. Anonymous Says:

    This will not stop me.

    I will do everything in my power to bring Andy’s private and semi-public worlds together and I will NOT REST until I succeed!

    There’s nothing more important to me than unmasking Andy for all the world to see.

    WHO’S BEHIND THAT CURTAIN? I MUST KNOW!!!

  20. Scariest Scout Says:

    ok, so I may deny finding the wonderful tancast if questioned but a table of our Corporate buddies. Very Christian folk around these parts. I used to spend my hours dredging through Audio Books and talk Radio, Ugh… TanCast was a awesome find!!! It has become a Monday ritual to start the work week out with some laughs. I trudge through Sunday all alone & bored as hell (actually listen to Pottercast. nerd nerd nerd) Andy keep working your magic behind the curtain, & who gets the Courage, Heart & Brain???

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