Fuck it. I’ve been dancing around, trying to keep everything consistent, and it’s getting confusing. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and I’ve come to the conclusion it just isn’t worth the effort anymore.
It’s time to unmask the monkey…
My name is J. Randall Simmons, and no, I’m not related to Gene Simmons. That isn’t even his real name, goddamn it.
All the men in the family get called by their middle names, and I’ve been “Andy” ever since I was a baby when my mom’s very proper English father refused to call me “Randy” on principle. Supposedly one of the only times he’d been heard to curse was when he said to my father “Why not just call him ‘I Like to Fuck’?”
Up until a few months ago I was the only IT worker in the Athens, Georgia office of a major metal foundry (we also dealt with recycling a bunch of different alloys), though they’ve since outsourced all IT functions to another company. I was actually born here and moved to Northern California during my freshman year of high school when my parents split up. I met Tim in high school and Noah a few years later when I moved to San Jose for school. Noah and I worked together for a short while at the foundry company’s main Western Region office before they offered to move me and my wife back out here.
I know I’ve implied I live in or near Cobb County on a few podcasts, but that was all misdirection, I’m afraid. My dad’s brother and his family life in Marietta, so I know the area well enough to fake it. Clarke County, born and bred.
So, there you have it. I’m a big fat liar head. Still, all the cards are finally out on the table and I can stop trying to keep all this shit straight.
To any potential employers who Googled me and found this, turn back now. TANcast is completely uncensored, unfettered, and often untrue. Whatever you hear or read on this site may be my honest opinion or it may be me saying something just to be ironic, funny, shocking, or all of the above. Don’t for a second think you’ve found out some big secret about me. My personal amusement is none of your concern.
PS: I may need to change the user ID on my Twitter account now…