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Stupid Recipes: The Frogarita

October 18th, 2009 . by Andy (TANcast's #1 Ear-Rapist)

Andy’s October of Suckage: Day 18

One day, probably a Friday, while at Double D’s Sports Grille in Los Gatos, CA with Tim and Noah I got my hands on some crayons and a paper placemat. I proceeded to draw the punchline for the joke “What is green and red and goes 100 mph?” on said paper, because I am an idiot man-child.

When asked “What the hell is that?” I responded by writing the words “A cool, refreshing Frogarita!” under the picture.

This piece of infantile art and bit of juvenile humor started a quest to create an actual Frogarita. I succeeded because I am awesome, and also because I made up the rules for success and therefore had an excellent chance. I do touch the rule-maker’s penis from time to time.

What? (or for those who can’t see the interrobang, “What!”)

You succeed your way and I’ll succeed my way. Don’t come complaining to me because you’re less successful, crying about how I set my bar really low. Just because I successfully didn’t shit my pants yesterday (I also didn’t drink a Frogarita yesterday, and yes those are related stories), don’t try to claim that your failure to hike the entire Appalachian Trail because of a blizzard in Vermont means anything other than I am more successful than you.

At any rate (crybaby), enjoy the sweet taste (and booze) of my success.

The Frogarita

Yes, I drew this. In crayon. At a restaurant.

Yes, I drew this. In crayon. At a restaurant.

  1. Get together some decent vodka, Midori, pineapple or orange juice (I suggest pineapple), a 3 oz packet of Cherry Jell-O (not sugar-free), some small paper cups, a blender, and, optionally, some Amaretto.
  2. If the ingredients don’t spontaneously combine to make a Frogarita because you don’t live in a Disney castle, put the vodka in the freezer to chill and the Midori, juice, and optional Amaretto into the refrigerator to cool.
  3. Once the liquor is cold, boil 1 cup of water and stir in the 3 oz Jell-O packet until it is dissolved.
  4. Fix the Jell-O by combining with 1 cup of cold liquid. If you want a standard Jell-O shot, use about 5 oz of vodka and 3 oz of cold water. If you want more alcoholic pop, use 1 full cup of chilled vodka and no water. If you want the Jell-O to taste more like maraschino cherries, use 3/4 cup of Amaretto and 1/4 cup of cold water (or vodka!).
  5. Pour the cooling mixture into the small paper cups. You just made about 2 cups of liquid, so you do the math on how many cups you need. You’ll only need about a quarter of the Jell-O, so plan on leftovers.
  6. Put the cups in the refrigerator to set. This takes 2-4 hours, so have a White Russian Shake in the meantime.
  7. When the Jell-O is ready, mix 1/2 cup of vodka, 1/2 cup of Midori, 1.5 cups of juice, and 1.5 cups of ice (add ice until the level hits 4 cups) in the blender.
  8. Blend until all the ice is broken up and the mixture is slushy.
  9. Drop about 1/2 cup of Jell-O shots into the blender and carefully pulse the blender to turn the Jell-O into smaller chunks (like boba tea). If you want a gorier effect, use a full cup of Jell-O.
  10. Pour and enjoy. You can split this into 2 drinks that are about equal to 3 shots each and share with a friend, or drink the whole pitcher yourself and see what happens.

Yes, this is just a frozen Mellon Ball with Jell-O shot bits. Doesn’t mean I’m not awesome.

3 Responses to “Stupid Recipes: The Frogarita”

  1. Melanie ("The Princess") Says:

    I’m well known in my family for making shitty cocktails. I should try this one, in an effort to save my reputation.

  2. Nate Says:

    Either something came up, or Andy’s October of Suckage is a lot shorter than the real October….

  3. Andy Says:

    A week of suck. I’ve been queuing posts and drafts all week. Expect a glut tonight or tomorrow.

    I owe you all one per day.

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