Oh lordy! Those of your suffering through this never ending stream of blogs are in for a treat. I found a gold mine! I was looking for something on my old computer and stumbled upon a whole forgotten file of my writings from high school and college. Let me just tell you, everything I wrote was god awful.
One of the sub folders I found was file of old letters I wrote, mostly to women I was interested in. They are AMAZINGLY horrible. The kind of things that make me want to reach through the computer and kill my younger self. So OF COURSE I’m going to share them with you so we can all mock young, stupid Tim.
This is a letter I wrote to a young lady I met freshman year of college. She was a very cute volleyball player and we both lived in the Joe West dorms of San Jose State…yeah…I think that’s all the back story you’ll need…
Once upon a time…in the land of Joe West there was a beautiful, young athlete named Alana. She lived in the seventh echelon of Joe West. Below her, in the sixth echelon lived a young actor named Tim. Tim lived in the kingdom of 600 and enjoyed introducing himself as “Batman.” (He’s just weird that way)
One fateful day the actor and the athlete met. They enjoyed a magnificent feast with their mutual friends in the Dining Commons. It was a joyous occasion, with laughter and merriment. A jolly good time was had by all.
Not to long after that, Tim asked of Alana, “Alana, would you like to have dinner and maybe go to a movie this Friday?”
Finish this story how ever you want to either by stopping by room 600 or calling *my number at the time*. But remember, the fate of these two is in your hands.
Oh apparently there was one more piece of background I should have provided…I guess 18 year old Tim used to introduce himself as “Batman.” How did he manage to go through all of college with out a single date? It’s a mystery.
Here’s the best part. For some ungodly reason, Alana called me and left a message. Yes, this insane bit of prose apparently reached it’s target audience. I wish I could remember exactly what she said, but it was basically something to the effect of “let’s talk” or something like that. I assumed she wanted to talk about how to tell me “no,” gracefully. I later learned she wanted to talk about going out. Yes, I had heard “no” from women so often, that when one was actually saying “yes,” I still heard “no.”
Postscript to that story…we never went out. I did not figure out that she was interested in time and she was snapped up by a smarter guy than me by the time I did. I love this story because it is awful on every level. But there are so many more horror stories lurking in this hard drive. Stay tuned…