Andy’s October of Suckage: Day 14

The following is an open letter to the National Rifle Association, inspired the events of this morning.

Dear Pieces of Shit at the NRA:

I received a call today on behalf of your organization from (703) 656-9940. I’m uncertain whether I spoke to one of your paid staffers, a volunteer, or an agency you contracted, but regardless I am very clear on what the dishonest little turd was trying to accomplish.

Slathering the call with a thin veneer of legitimacy by couching it as a “one-question opinion poll”, your minion tried to drum up some sort of outrage (and presumably monetary support) by asking me whether I agreed with “the outrageous United Nations plan to ban guns in the United States”.

I was about as polite to that stupid cow as I am being to you right now. I have no patience for push polls and no respect for the sort of garbage that would resort to using them.

Let me take a moment here to elucidate you on where I am coming from: I am in favor of sensible gun laws (registration and licensing, manufacturing quality requirements, etc.) and am against bans on handguns, rifles, or any other reasonable personal-use firearm. I am of that feared breed of moderate that can neither be dismissed as an “idiot gun-hating liberal” nor co-opted by reactionary rhetoric. I do not fear the United States government any more or less than I fear its individual citizens.

I am obviously not a member of the National Rifle Association, and even if I had been this morning I certainly would not be this evening. They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps, and I have no interest in aligning myself with fear-mongers and liars.

Your supposed poll was transparent in it’s goals. No honest person interested in an honest answer would ever use a word like “outrageous” in the question. In fact, trying to couch this as research is a direct insult to my intelligence.

Further, your implied claim is insane on its face. I’m not a political scientist, but it only takes a rudimentary understanding of our country to realize that the United States cannot enter into a treaty that violates our Constitution. It is the very foundation of the country is and the basis upon which all subsequent laws are judged.

But this is far worse than just being insulting or idiotic.

You encourage the weak-minded to believe that Clinton, Obama, the UN, or some other bogeyman of the moment is conspiring to take their guns, to followed quickly by the rest of their freedoms and liberties, leading to a descent into totalitarian control and Nazism.

You also spend about half your “charity” budget on raising more funds and paying staffers (including a nice chunk of change for your CEO), so I really have to question your motives.

Either you feed these fears and fantasies to keep the lucre rolling in or else you actually believe the Second Amendment is under constant attack and only you can defend it from the liberal and/or foreign horde waiting in the shadows. The former would mean your dishonesty is born of greed; the latter means it stems from lunacy. In either case, you are a shining example of what is wrong with political discourse in this country.

You probably see this misleading, manipulative behavior as necessary for the greater good and justified by your manifest righteousness. On the contrary, your willingness to engage in these behaviors outs you as despicable people. Anyone who feels that the ends justify whatever actions they take is the enemy of our democracy.

From the “armed-and-dangerously-unbalanced” behavior I’ve seen at demonstrations, town hall meetings, and soccer games in recent months, it seems a certain element of our society has bought in to your message. Contrary to claims, these individuals are clearly carrying and brandishing weapons at these emotionally-charged events because they feel afraid and powerless and they want others to feel afraid, too. This isn’t a patriotic display of their own Second Amendment rights, it is an attempt to abrogate through intimidation the First Amendment rights of anyone who disagrees with them.

You feed them that fear.

I tried to tell your drone exactly how your “poll” was deceptive, but she was having none of it. I wish I could meet her, though, so I could call her “scum” to her face.

On an up note (for me, not you), this was actually my third call from the NRA in the last week and the first that wasn’t dead-air on answer. In case you weren’t aware, telemarketing calls that don’t present a recording or agent within seconds are an FCC violation, so in addition to telling your representative what kind of person she was and venting my spleen in this post I also got to engage in a favorite hobby: report the asshole to the FCC.

They’ll probably never fine you. You do spend a shit-ton on lobbying after all.

You’ll probably never see this letter, and if you do I expect you will dismiss me, being convinced, as I said, of your own righteousness.

On the off chance you made it this far, let me close with a heartfelt…

Fuck You!