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For the X-TREME BABY

June 13th, 2008 . by Andy (TANcast's #1 Ear-Rapist)

New from Playskool, the X-TREME BABY Helmet!

Is life too full of hard surfaces for your hard-living, adventure-addicted baby?

Does your youngest yearn for the rough and tumble life of a bullfighter, a coal miner, or a crack-addled home invasion robber?

Do you secretly believe that Dale Earnhardt has reincarnated in your child, ushering in the prophesied “1000 Years of Corn Whiskey”?

Then try the X-TREME BABY Helmet, from Playskool!

Ready for anything...
When life gives you a lemon, toss a helmet on it. It won’t notice.

I’d like to offer my apologies to the obviously caring and protective mother for mocking what is clearly a desire to protect her baby from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and possibly from freak hailstorms.

Apologies also to our readers for the shitty camera-phone photo. It was taken indoors without a flash as I tried to prove to my wife that yes, I am fucked up enough to go get a surreptitious picture of a baby in a helmet to post on TANcast.

8 Responses to “For the X-TREME BABY”

  1. RudieCantFail Says:

    That ritalin infested kid probably deserves the helmet I bet. Once saw a baby eat sand. That was bad.

  2. Miranda Says:

    Aww, poor kid probably had something like craniosynostosis…

  3. Andy Says:

    Miranda may be right, in which case I am proven (yet again) to be a horrible, horrible person. Then again, we already knew this.

    In my defense I just did a bunch of research and from all the craniosynostosis helmet information found they all seem to be rigid and fasten on one side. As I recall, this one was soft foam and fastened on two sides.

    Short version: This kid probably has some other tragic disease and I’m still an asshole.

    If it makes everyone feel better, I’m already certain that, thanks to my accumulated karma, my unborn son will be destined to dethrone me and cast me into Tartarus just as Zeus overthrew Cronus. This is probably why I keep trying to boil and eat him.

  4. Geoff Says:

    Nice save, dude…

  5. Miranda Says:

    So now your making fun of the poor family that can’t afford the correct helmet for their child? Have you no shame, man?!??

  6. Andy Says:

    None.

    Whatsoever.

  7. Dean Says:

    Just heard “The Making Of” the X-TREME BABY HELMET picture story and found it even more entertaining than the actual picture…

  8. Mike Says:

    Andy, it is this kind of moral emptiness that convinces me…. there may actually be hope for humanity. Because once we can no longer shamelessly post pictures of babies in helmets, what do we have left? I’ll tell you what… NOTHING! We have nothing. Well, we still have making fun of politicians and celebrities, but that is nowhere near as fun as the B-TREME (Actually X-STREAM, but I’m leaving that typo there because it amuses me for some reason) BABY Helmet.

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