September 23rd, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
Day 23
First off, I’d like to make note that this is the first blog to be posted with my NEW laptop that I go thanks to Andy’s advice in TANcast episode 117. Can’t you sense that new laptop smell?
But that’s not what this blog is about…I’m in Las Vegas for the World Series of Comedy. I have already been knocked out. I came in second in my round, and only first place moves on to the semi finals. But don’t cry for me, I’ve met some great people who book shows all around the country (and one in Canada). So hopefully, that will translate to you seeing me at a club near you some time in the future.
But that’s not what this blog is about either…this blog is for the most awesome visual metaphor for Vegas ever that I discovered in my hotel room:
I know…it’s a little hard to see. It’s the toilet in my hotel room. A the risk of dropping my new phone, let me pull in a little closer…
Yes! That is money. Someone literally threw their money in the toilet in Vegas. Awesome!
September 22nd, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
Day 22
So this blog is actually being posted in the past. I am currently in Las Vegas and I probably don’t have internet access at my hotel so I sent this blog into the FUTURE!!! And what is this blog about? Another “rejected by Cracked.com” article? Sorta. Let me explain.
Cracked has message boards to enter these contests, you have to post your entries on these message boards. One feature of the boards is that each member has “karma.” Basically people can vote you up or down depending on whether they like or dislike your posts (or really for any reason). You may be asking yourself, “Tim, why are you explaining all this? Is there a joke anywhere in our future? Why do I even read your stupid blogs?” Well calm down, prissy pants, here’s the pay off.
I used to have karma somewhere around 17 or 18…then, cracked ran a contest where we were asked to create counter productive public service announcements. I made this…
Within a few hours my karma dropped down to the single digits. Less than a week later, I was in negative numbers. So therefor, even though I am writing this blog more than 24 hours before the winners of this contest will be announced, I am 99.9999% certain that this entry will be rejected.
September 21st, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
Day 21
I just finished receiving some crappy customer service and I want to rant about it…but I also am about to put in a job application at the very same place. (MY comedy career is on FIRE) So I shall do my best to protect the names of the future employers.
So, as you may have heard or read recently, I need a new laptop. After getting some advice on-line and form Andy and Noah, I settled on one. I found it one with all the specs we talked about on the show (and even some of the ones we edited out because that part of the show was loooooong and booooooring.) I saw it at **store name withheld** and took down some info to find it online. It turned out that it was cheaper at **store name withheld** than on Amazon.
So I went back to the store with my credit card in hand…ready to painfully part with money. I bring the tag up to the counter and the lady looks it up and says there’s only one and that’s usually the display model. She said she’ll have some people check. After I wait there for several minutes, finally someone checks and finds out they don’t have any. In fact, none of the stores in this chain in the area have it. So why keep it on display? Do you not at least have a “not in stock tag?”
I so wanted to say SOMETHING but I knew I was going to be walking back into that store in a few days dressed in my Sunday best and holding a job application. Now my rage boils inside me with no outlet!
Heaven help the next fast food person who gets my order wrong.
September 20th, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
Day 20
I love Tosh.0. It’s everything I love about on-line time wasting plus a smarmy comedian! (That might read like I’m being sarcastic, but I assure you, I am not). A while back I saw this clip on Tosh.
As we mentined on TANcast 117, I recently had they chance to see the whole video adn I gotta say, Tosh…you made a rare slip up here. Look at all this comedy gold you let slip by…
Look at all these gems they didn’t point out…
The scared Black lady. She didn’t sign up for this! She just wanted to see if she could go to Build-A-Bear. Then there is the kid who runs up and starts to hump the glass, He thinks he’s gonna mock the guy…but you watch the kid realize that nothing the can do will be funnier than what crazy guy is already doing. So he just sort of wanders off. And take a look at the peoel who were already inside. If they were gonna use that exit, they changed their plans in a fat hurry. “Oh I think we need to be on the other side of this mall somewhere.” Then after a while of shouting the same question over and over again, the crazy guy finally gives up and impotently walks away. Then he tries to enlist the help of on lookers. “C’mon people…am I right? Why ARE they closed? Who ARE these people?” He actually thinks people should be as enraged as he is that they won’t let him in to snag an Orange Julis. Then he turns on the camera dude. Priceless.
And wait…just when you thought it was over…20 more seconds of comedy/madness…
Tosh, I think you need to give yourself a web redemption and revisit this and mine all the sweet sweet comedy from it!
September 20th, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
This week, Tim grosses Andy out, the boys talk like pirates, check out the upcoming Fall TV season, Tim asks for advice on a new laptop, and Andy poses a philosophical question.
[CONTENT WARNING]TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.
September 20th, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
Day 19
Sometimes the life of a comic means you have to do tasks at weird hours. For instance, I often go shopping at grocery stores that are open 24 hours because that way I can get in there after a show at midnight or 1 am. The upside to that is that there are usually no crowds. The downside? Well take a look…
September 18th, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
Day 18
The other day I was filling up at my favorite gas station (read: cheapest), and I went to pay with my card and I noticed they had changed the interface. What was once just a card slot and a screen with some buttons was now a protracted box with full color screen and fancy keypad. Once I swiped my card and began pumping, I saw this on the screen:
Oh good…NOW it’s secure, huh? So until you installed this what was happening? Were you running my pin number and account info on the jumbo tron at the local baseball stadium? I wasn’t worried about my security at the pump until now? What are you really telling me with this new fangled gadget?!
September 17th, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
Day 17
Yesterday I got an e-mail from a certain TANcasty named CJ. YOU may remember him from his epic children’s story about Andy the monkey who wore crocodiles on his feet. Well apparently he took exception with something I said in a recent episode…
“We’re talking about real shows not Doctor Who.” -Tim Babb
Dear Timothy,
I was deeply offended by a comment made on the most recent episode of TANcast in which you said that Doctor Who was not a “real show.” Well, for once, I’ll leave the Crocs aside and actually defend Andy for the first (and probably last) time. Doctor Who is the longest running science fiction programme and consistently receives nine million viewers for new episodes each week.
How many viewers does Star Trek get each week for their new episodes? Oh yeah. None! Because that piece of sh!t (sorry, Mormon) is off the air.
September 16th, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
Day 16
I’m sitting at the Toyota service department waiting for them to fix my wife’s car alarm. See it has this problem where the alarm goes off randomly in the middle of the night.
So, I dropped it off here at 10am this morning and told them I needed it by 4:30pm. NO ne called me, so I showed up at 5:00pm. I see my car sitting in the lot. I walk up and say, “Hey is my car ready?” Th lady doesn’t know. She pages the mechanic, he says it is ready. So I go pay the $135 bucks and get ready to drive off to do the other things I need to do today.
I get in and the door warning light on the dashboard won’t shut off. I open and close all the doors…nothing. I tell them and they say they’ll need another hour to fix it…maybe more. As I sit in the lounge, I can hear the alarm going off in the distance. I get the distinct feeling they have no idea what they’re doing. Glad I’m paying premium prices for this.
Why can’t cars just work? Why do cars I get involved with always try to screw me? I just want to drive you…I’m not going to take nude pics of you and post them on the internet…just work with me!
I’d love to tell you how this story ends, but I only have 12% of my battery left. Gotta post!
To be continued…
**Update #1** After my laptop battery died, the service people told me they didn’t know enough about my alarm system to fix the problem. So they reset it to how it was when they started and refunded my money. While I am annoyed that my car spent seven and a half hours here and was returned to me in the exact condition I brought it in (broken)…I was impressed that I didn’t have to ask for my money back. Truly classy move, Toyota of Sunnyvale.
**Update #2** So I went to the other repair place today. In about a half hour they disabled my alarm and sent me on my way. Didn’t even charge me! So this story has a happy ending after all. Thank you, Capital Toyota of San Jose…now my annoying downstairs neighbors can’t complain about my wife’s alarm going off anymore….and hopefully that means I’ll never have to talk to them again.
September 15th, 2010 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
Day 15
Okay Cracked, I’m starting to take this rejection personally. I know you keep saying “It’s not you, it’s me,” but that doesn’t make it sting any less. You put on a Photoshop contest asking people to give you pictures of what it would look like if historical figures got gritty reboots like they keep doing with movies. I create 3 super-duper entries and not ONE of them makes your top 17?
