Sorry, ladies, but this hunk of raw manflesh is off the market. From here on in this is a pairs game only. The bacon’s taken. Insert your own mangled metaphor here. What I am driving at is that I am married. No, seriously. Yes, to a girl. No, I didn’t pay her. No, she isn’t […]
This is a “blast from the past” post from time-traveling Andy. I’ve pre-dated it to a time when I was asleep in a ca. 1973 beater RV in my uncle’s driveway in Chula Vista, CA in order to post about a play I saw a few weeks prior to that with the fiancee’s parents. I […]
Last night I took my fiancee to see Keith Urban at the Shark Tank for her Chrismahanukwanzakah present. He’s on her list, so we had a deal: if she left with him I was allowed to leave with Nicole… We had third row seats, because I am that awesome. We didn’t have first row, because […]
(Sung to the tune of “Creep” by Radiohead) It was seven years this fall That I lived with this guy. It was no fucking picnic. The smell’d make you cry. People thought we were lovers, But I swear I’m not gay. Just because women hate him, Please… Don’t think I swing that way! So Tim’s […]
I think I can sum myself up pretty concisely: I liven up all the boring bits and talk over the interesting ones. That is all. Please resume your regularly scheduled masturbation.
For the 4th time in about 18 months, a specific Carl’s Jr. franchise has messed up my exceedingly simple order. Each time, I requested a “Western” burger and each time I got a “Standard” burger instead. Four instances may sound insignificant, but it means that between 5% and 10% the time I don’t get what […]
Thanks to KCRA‘s love of “local fluff” slide shows, you can all get in line to meet me now…
I sold my soul to a lovely temptress and the price was pizza, cake, and a “Birthday Girl” tiara for me to wear. All is forgiven. Farewell, holy chonies…
My girlfriend demolished my last pair of old chonies last night. I had thought I was pretty fucking clear with her about my sentimental attachment to them the last time she destroyed a pair, or perhaps the time before that, or maybe the time before that. Men are not supposed to throw tighty-whiteys away; they […]
Ominous title for a Valentine’s Day post, eh? Speaking of Mentos, I had the worst dream last night that I think I have had in a decade or more. Woke up uncontrollably upset, if that gives you any clue. I regularly have weird, vivid, often even upsetting dreams, but this is the first time in […]