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Tears in my Ears

February 14th, 2005 . by Andy (TANcast's #1 Ear-Rapist)

Ominous title for a Valentine’s Day post, eh?

Speaking of Mentos, I had the worst dream last night that I think I have had in a decade or more. Woke up uncontrollably upset, if that gives you any clue. I regularly have weird, vivid, often even upsetting dreams, but this is the first time in a long while that I have been unable to sleep afterward.

The short version is that I dreamed I was going to be murdered and there was nothing I could do about it. I had a few minutes to get my affairs in order and say goodbye to whomever I could get in contact with and then it was the end for me. No running, no hiding, no fighting back: I was just going to die.

I honestly don’t know what upset me more about this dream: the fact that I was powerless to stop things or the fact that my legacy was just debt and promising possibilities and plans unrealized. I was going to die with little to offer my beneficiaries, childless, single, and largely unremembered.

Or maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t get my parents to stop fucking sniping at each other long enough to understand what was going on and listen to my goodbyes…

Happy Valentine’s Day, Brain. Thanks again for fucking nothing, you useless mass of shit.

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