I just checked, and it turns out I have a mass of 413 lbs. Thankfully I also happen to be shaped like a perfect cube with a side length of about 12 ft 5 in, so I displace roughly 1920 cubic feet of air. I leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine […]
Someday, someone at Viacom is going to get his or her head out of his or her ass and release The State on DVD (preferably with extras). Until then, marvel, children, at what once was and what we have lost (or rather what has been transmuted into Reno 911!)…
A day after saying of John Edwards (the Presidential Candidate, not The Biggest Douche in the Universe) “If I’m going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I’ll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot,” the useless cunt who will hereafter be referred to as “Useless Cunt” (see blog […]
STOP THE PRESS: I’m thinking about buying an i(ntel)Mac instead of building my own desktop PC from scratch. I also think I may start wearing black turtlenecks with jeans, but it could just be the time of year…
I made that. Go make your own.
Things I have learned in my short time in the South: There is no CJ’s, only Hardee’s. Jack in the Box is a distant dream. By that I mean it is 200 miles away. Don’t even ask about In ‘N Out Burger. Here it’s Edy’s, not Dreyer’s. Apparently the other guy who started the company […]
“Taste the Rainbow” indeed… On a totally unrelated subject, if you suspect your girl is an android, you should check for a switch. Stick your finger up her butt and see if it turns her off. If it does, she’s a fembot and you need to RUN AWAY! If it turns her ON, she’s a […]
Sorry, ladies, but this hunk of raw manflesh is off the market. From here on in this is a pairs game only. The bacon’s taken. Insert your own mangled metaphor here. What I am driving at is that I am married. No, seriously. Yes, to a girl. No, I didn’t pay her. No, she isn’t […]
I walked along the beach last week, and exposed my soul to the women I met there. Now my karma has a sunburn.
When someone gives Jack Bauer a birthday cake, he takes it to a dark room and cuts it slowly to extract information. On a related note, Survivor has taught me that ladies appearing on the show need to wear sports bras. And maybe leave the house once in a while before appearing on a show […]