Verbal Self-Gratification


TANcast 037?! – No One Can Love You Like You Can Love You

February 14th, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

This Valentine’s Day episode is sponsored by the premier Valentine’s Day issue of Kougar Magazine featuring TANcast’s own Tim Babb as the featured comedian. Check it out now at KougarMagazine.com

In this Valentine’s Day show full of hate, the TANboys hate on the woman who just had 8 babies, Noah tells a confusing stripper story, the boys ponder the practice of tipping, and nothing says “Valentine’s Day” like a discussion of angry poop!

Then Noah captures the stealthiness of the US Post Office, Tim tells a horror story of stand-up comedy, the boys talk of fossilized babies, signing things with a penis, Tim gets taken out so Andy takes the opportunity to talk Linux, Noah farts so loud and clear you can smell it, Noah and Andy muse about the strangeness of dogs, the boys talk about their Valentine’s plans, Noah and Andy spoil Lost, and the show ends with a Requiem for a TANcast!


One of this week’s TANlaugh (which we EVENTUALLY get to) was courtesy of Mike
Send your jokes for TANlaughs to: Andy (at) TANcast.com


[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts. Listener discretion is advised.


Noah’s Photo of the Box

Andy’s Article About Tips

Stone Baby Wikipedia Article

Noah’s Story About Signing Penis on Credit Card Slip (NSFW Drawing)

26 Responses to “TANcast 037?! – No One Can Love You Like You Can Love You”

  1. AndyNo Gravatar Says:

    In a row?

  2. Mike (TANcast's #1 Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    You’re talking about OG Stephanie’s hatred of proper nouns. It’s funny, because my friend and I can have whole conversations like that.
    Me: “Remember that one time?”
    Her: “That one time at that one place?”
    Me: “Yeah, with that guy, and he did that thing.”
    And we can keep that going for like… an hour. Who needs proper nouns when you can have conversations like that. lol
    I’m getting to the point that I hate my own ringtone. I have Ozzy Obourne for my text messages, and Rob Zombie for actual calls, and I can’t stand getting text messages any more (i’ve received WAY too many text messages).
    I was thinking that one was never gonna get read Tim, but with the addition of the accents (which I was too lazy to add, even in my mind) it was even funnier for some reason

  3. Gino (TANcast's #1 fan in the military)No Gravatar Says:

    i was going to be pissed if there was no TAN laughs, thanx for adding them at the end TIm

  4. Alissa (TANcast's #1 Female Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    My text message ringtone is Weird Al saying “Yo dawg, Weird Al here just letting you know that… (singing with accordian) youuu have a text messaaage! (speaking) So, now you know.” It was funny when I downloaded it.

  5. Kris (TANcasts #1 Gay Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    I have my head shaved and pay $20 – $25 dollars every 2 weeks but I enjoy all the pampering also. Tipping is a very difficult thing to do I usually tip well if the person serving me is a friend. I have lived in the same county since I went to elementary school so most of the people working in the serivce industry I know. Also if you put anything other than your signature on the back of your Credit / Debit cards it becomes invalid and should never be accepted. I work in Visa & Mastercard Fraud so I have learned this.

  6. Princess Edamame - #12No Gravatar Says:

    Tipping – I absolutely refuse to tip in any jar/box.piece of shit left on a counter. Those folks actually get paid. I’m not tipping you just for pouring a cup of coffee. Fuck you. I like the idea of not tipping servers and getting them paid an actual wage instead, but since that’s just not the way it is, I tip, of course. If they have to put up with my kid or clean up a mess that I can’t get to, I tip extra. And I try to clean up after him as much as possible, so they don’t have to do that shit.

    As for bartenders, hubby and I tend to tip them well. We don’t tend to order beers, just mixed drinks (martinis for hubby, something gay for me), so they do put forther effort. When I used to go to gigs with hubby and hit a bar while he was playing, I’d always sit at the bar, and tip really well, so the bartender would watch out for me if there were “mashers” around. Hubby would tip well for faster service, since his only chance to get drinks was on breaks, and his time was limited.

    God I miss hitting bars.

  7. Jess (Tancast's #2 Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    My wife is a Hair Stylist and she makes damn good money, yet people still usually tip her very well.
    A server tends to make shit in their paycheck and the tips become their main source of income.
    So I would be more inclined to tip a waiter then someone who cuts my hair. But then again, if you are a shitty waiter you aren’t getting a tip from me at all.

  8. Bryce (Tancasts #3 Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    My signature on my driver’s license has been a rabbit head since I was seventeen. It’s the signature on everything. The lady at the d.m.v. got her manager and she let me. Recently, I was told by my school that it can’t be my signature despite being on my ID . I don’t get it.

  9. LoganNo Gravatar Says:

    I just got the Clerks reference at the beginning of this episode…I am a little slow today. Another good tancast down, 1 million more to go?!

    Happy VD EVERYONE!

  10. Princess Edamame - #12No Gravatar Says:

    I definitely tip my hairdresser, since how I look is directly related to how much she gives a shit. So a history of tipping well ensures that she’ll do her best. Of course, in Andy’s case…

    I do cut my husband’s hair with the clippers, but I refuse his tips.

  11. Princess Edamame - #12No Gravatar Says:

    Sorry, forgot: I’m with Andy’s Wife on the blow job issue: Fuck that. I’m not paying a stripper, then blowing him. That’s why I got married – so I wouldn’t have to give blow jobs anymore. Fuck that. 🙂

  12. Bryce (Tancasts #3 Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    I forgot to mention that the reason I looked black in that picture was because my fiancee used a morphing program to that changes races.


    I wouldn’t mind an ad or two and maybe the Paypal donation button.

  13. Jess (Tancast's #2 Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    My wife cuts my hair. And she accepts my tip……the tip of my dick!!! ooooooooh snap!

  14. McMattyMattNo Gravatar Says:

    Hey I think we should call Noah Mr. Pink!

  15. NateNo Gravatar Says:

    Hey Andy, thanks for answering my email about the Linux stuff. I have to say that I didn’t really hear what you said for an answer because I was too busy telling my wife that I felt cool for shaping the discussion on TANcast. Anyway my original email is below that I sent to Andy back on Jan 7. next time I’ll be sure to include my name at the end.

    Hey Andy,

    First and foremost, I am a fan. I was very happy that I stumbled across your podcast so much so that I forced my wife to listen and she actually loved it. Score one for the TAN, or whatever. So anyway I want to nerd out a minute and ask your opinion. I’m thinking of taking the Linux plunge and forcing it on my wife just as a test to see if she likes it. I remember you talking about it on one of the shows and wanted to see if there was any follow up to the story. As in how have you adapted, has your wife been able to work with it? Does she like it? What flavor did you use? I’m downloading OpenSuse 11.1 right now, but I’ve also heard great things about Ubuntu (can’t remember if that was what you used). I’m pretty technical, and can understand most stuff, but looking at it from the beginning looks like I’m at the bottom of Everest. Any stories or comments would be appreciated, or any niche websites that you found helpful would be much appreciated. If you are too busy, or simply don’t give a fuck that is fine. I just wanted to see if you had anything to say if someone happened to ask you the question.

  16. LoganNo Gravatar Says:

    My brother the attention whore haha just picking on you nate.

  17. Iris (the barista who gets all her gas money from tips)No Gravatar Says:

    Ok, Princess Edamame (if that is your real name) I’m calling you out: You will tip a bartender who pours your alcoholic drinks, but not a barista who makes your caffinated ones? That’s messed up. It’s basically the same service anyway! I’m sure if you asked a barista, they would make sure the others caffeine junkies wouldn’t attack you….
    Tip your wait staff people! You never know what could happen to your food back in the kitchen. Watch “Waiting” if you don’t believe me…

  18. Tim (TANcasts #1 Host/Editor Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    ooh…so was it bad form to not tip up in Port Townsend for my hot chocolate (the hot barista from episode 31)?

    But I didn’t tip the guy at Burger King and he gave me a whole meal…plus a TOY!!! I dunno the logic of the whole tipping thing is very illusive.

  19. Princess Edamame - #12No Gravatar Says:

    WOw – I”m really pising people off lately!

    Here’s the thing, Iris: If I ordered specialty drinks, I would tip. Those drinks require a cerrtain amount of skill. But I don’t. I order coffee poured from the coffee vat.

    That said, I’m more likely to tip at a mom-n-pop coffee place (probable, in fact) than at a corp like Starbucks. Those bastards get all sorts of benis I can’t get at my office gig. Plus gas money!! 🙂

  20. Princess Edamame - #12No Gravatar Says:

    Oh, and Princess Edamame is really just an alias… mwahaha…you’d never guess!! I’m really nicksmommy!!!!!!!

  21. Jess (Tancast's #2 Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    Gotta call you out again Edamame. (no offense!)

    I used to work for Starbucks. All of those “benis” you mentioned. What would those be? All I can think of is health insurance, which is very hard to get them to do since they make sure to keep your hours below the required minimum for eligibility. And I never got offered gas money.

    Also they pay SHIT!!! The tips can make the difference. Just because someone works for a corporate company and not some mom and pop store, doesn’t mean they are part of the corp. they are working stiffs and could use the left-over change you have from your coffee that you aren’t going to need anyway.

  22. LoganNo Gravatar Says:

    Tim you should have at least gave her the tip of something….

    Isn’t their also some loop hole about being a waiter or waitress and you can be payed less than minimum wage because your tips are suppose to make up the difference? Maybe it is just in New York. The whole system is FUBAR

  23. Jess (Tancast's #2 Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    Logan, thats the same here in Virginia. I know a guy who makes 2 dollars an hour as a waiter, and that just covers the taxes on his tips.

  24. Princess Edamame - #12No Gravatar Says:

    In CA, servers can get paid kles than minimum wage, too.

    Jess – no offense taken. I’m always glad to learn new things. Starbucks is forever saying employees get health insurance, stock options, good wages and free coffee beans – a pound a week. I don’t assume that everyone makes a great wage – having worked for Disney, which has a reputation for paying great wages, I can tell you they pay SHIT too, and when I worked there, only management got any benis, tho everyone could buy stock. 🙂

    Then here’s my last question, so I Can finish making an informed tipping choice – how do the tips get split? You may be able to change my mind here.

  25. Jess (Jess' #1 Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    Tips are put into a pool and you get a percentage depending on the amount of hours you work. when I was there, it came out to an average of $10 to $15 a week. But it all depends on the store and the area.

    And you do get a pound of coffee a week, but starbucks coffee is bitter and shitty.

  26. NoahNo Gravatar Says:

    I don’t know a lot of waiters myself but why do people you all know become waiters? I always feel like if the pay at your job sucks, go find a better job. Obviously right now that is not an option. I personally like getting same amount of money each pay check and not having to depend on tips. Even though with tips there is the potential to make more.

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