TANcast

So I am running behind today so I had to grab an old blog draft and use it for today’s blog. When I say “old,” I mean June of 2010..almost 3 years ago. So here was something I thought was a funny idea 3 years ago. Let’s see if I was right…

A few days ago I tweeted: “Why do bugs want inside my place so bad? You have wings that can take you anywhere you want…and my tiny little apartment is your choice?”

I feel like this is an example of the grass is always greener syndrome. Because they must think there is something good inside these walls. There isn’t. Clearly they don’t find what they’re looking for, because as soon as they get in, they start banging their heads on the window trying to leave. If you hadn’t come in here in the first place this wouldn’t be a problem! I imagine a fly in my apartment is like anyone who goes to see a Uwe Boll movie. Somehow you were tricked and now you just want to get the hell out!

So this got me pondering bugs…what’s their problem?

Then a few days later, Noah and I were on a walk and he wondered why gnats always fly around right at head-height. It’s annoying because when you’re running, you often get a mouth full of gnats. You’d think simple self preservation would keep them off of running paths.

While I’m on the subject of gnats, why do they always fly back and forth over one area over and over for an extended period of time? You can fly anywhere and you’re just going to hover above the ground…going no more than a foot in any direction? What’s the point of that?! That would be like if Superman just flew in random circles over a 3 block area of Metropolis.

“Hey Superman…you know you can fly anywhere you want right?”

“I know. But I prefer to just go back and forth over this tiny stretch of land.”

“Are you looking for something?”

“Nope.”

“Are you preparing to get some food?”

“Nope.”

“Then what’s the point?”

“I just like to be going nowhere but constantly wasting my energy flying”

“Oh…ok”

And that’s where I left it. I suppose I thought I was going to come up with some big closer. Well, I had nothing then and I’ve got nothing now. But the March Blog Madness monster has been fed for the day.

I’m doin’ it!

It’s no secret I’m a huge Michael Jackson fan. But my fandom goes well beyond the hits like Billie Jean, Man in the Mirror, Thriller, etc. Michael has a lot of great songs buried deep in his albums that you may not have heard of. That’s where I come in. Here is my High 5 list of lesser known Michael Jackson Songs that are awesome.

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Alright this is a blog I’ve been tinkering with on and off since December. It’s probably not gonna be that funny…just a warning.

“Oh crap…Tim’s going to get ‘political’ again.” (Closes window)

It started shortly after the Sandy Hook shooting when I saw a posting from one of my Facebook “friends.” It was a video of Mike Huckabee saying that taking God out of our schools was the reason things like Sandy Hook happen. To be fair, that is an oversimplification of his point. It wasn’t as simple as “A” caused “B.” It was more about the effect of taking God out of schools on the overall culture, but the message was clear, “we need to put God into our classrooms.”

That prompted me to write this comment:

Ok, explain this to me…and I mean this not with malice but genuine bewilderment. How does the political party that wants to privatize everything want to put God in the hands of our government? God means so many different things to so many different people…who gets to choose which God is the official God of the USA? Why would we give our relationship with God over to the state?

I honestly am confounded by this. If you or your friends have an answer for me, you will not be shouted down, mocked or belittled by me. I really am trying to understand this dichotomy.

I thought that was a fair question. I still do. The conversation that followed certainly did enlighten me…but without answering my question at all. Read the rest of this entry »

This week the TANboys talk ex-girlfriends, answer some baby questions, and review the movies Magic Mike, Oz: The Great and Powerful, and Olympus Has Fallen.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

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So Monday and Thursday’s blogs ruined Beauty and the Beast, Friday’s blog was about my dead father, and yesterday’s blog was about the sadness of growing old…I decided today we needed some joy up on this blog. Not joy at the expense of others either. No Tosh.0 nut shots or jokes at the expense of Sarah Palin or Comcast. Just happiness for the sake of happiness.

So, what makes me happy? Well, I love dogs and I love babies. Could there be a way to combine those two loves? Of course there is….this is the internet. And so I present to you over five minutes of babies laughing at dogs!

…I think my soul is growing back.

Today is my birthday. I’m officially on the downward slide to 40 now. That sucks. Getting old just sucks. Not for the usual reasons. I mean, yes, my body is falling apart. I can’t eat like I used to. My eyes don’t work as well anymore…and technology is slowly passing me by, but that’s not my problem with getting old.

I finally have a Star Trek costume, a Superman costume, a Darth Vader costume, and a bunch of other cool things I’ve wanted since I was a kid. But now when I wear them, I’m just the creepy old guy dressed up like a guy from Star Trek. Since I was in high school, I wanted a Trek uniform so I could film myself and edit myself into an episode of the show. A few years ago I did…

That’s all well and good…but the dude in that video is almost old enough to run for president. What was I thinking? I’m not some 20 year old who has an excuse to run around and be an idiot. I’m just a sad, immature thirty-something who looks ridiculous. I know my 20 year old self would call this guy a loser. But forget hypothetical, younger me, what about when my son grows up and sees this?

“Really, dad? This is how you spent your free time? C’mon, you can level with me…I was adopted right? No? Maybe mom had an affair with an actual grown up? No? So you actually felt like your DNA was worth passing along to the next generation? Ugh…NO, that was not a reference to the show. Wow, pop, you’re a freak. I got you something for Father’s Day…pity!”

But I still want to do stupid, silly stuff…I just don’t want to be this old while I’m doing it. But unless that fountain of youth has been discovered…oops…just checked, it has not…well then I have two choices: grow up and act like an adult or embrace the fact that I’m now a creepy old guy.

…say hello to Tim Babb the creepy old guy. (but don’t get too close, or take candy from him….move along)

That adorable little baby up there is yours truly. The man watching over him is my dad. Today would have been his 79th birthday. I’ve missed him every day since he died 5 and a half years ago, but I’ve especially missed him since I’ve become a father. I don’t get to ask him for advice, I don’t get to benefit from his fatherly wisdom, but most of all I don’t get to introduce him to his adorable grandson. Read the rest of this entry »

A few days ago, I wrote a blog about how I think the Enchantress from Beauty and the Beast is actually an evil, evil witch. I was super proud of myself and my analysis until I read a comment from Jesus:

BTW, was chip BORN a cup?! Ten years, their human bodies didn’t age, so we can assume chip was either born a cup or was already a 10 year old boy. Also, there were other living teacups, were they children too? How many kids did Mrs. Potts have?!

Oh my lord…Chip!

What could I have done to deserve this?

This may be the most acute case of fridge horror ever. That’s a little kid…transformed into a cup. Jesus says the human bodies don’t age during the spell, but the Beast looks way older than 11 when he turns back into a regular dude. I must assume then that their bodies have indeed aged while cursed. That leaves three possible scenarios to explain Chip…all of them bad… Read the rest of this entry »

With all that got talked about on the latest episode of TANcast, we didn’t get around to discussing one particular topic until after we were done recording. It all goes back to Saturday night when Noah sent Andy and me a text…

There is a white lady on Bart that is looking at me like she wants to fuuuccckkk. She is cougar status. Does cougar mean they are hot too?

To which Andy replied:

Yes.
I believe the ability to land a younger man is a requirement for cougarhood.

Not so fast, Andy. Now Tim steps in…

Technically, you only have to be older to be a cougar

And a debate was born. I asked my wife who thought the woman DID have to be hot. Since my wife and I were at a party, she decided to ask her friends. Most of them agreed with Andy. The ability to GET a younger man is what makes you a “cougar.”

But my thoughts were that the woman only has to CHASE younger men. There are plenty of cougars on the prowl everyday. Some of them get their prey, but some of them starve to death…doesn’t mean they’re not ALL cougars.

…so…hungry…

So, dear readers, I put it to you. Does a woman have to be hot/sexy to be considered a “cougar?”

Oh and Noah had one final text that night…

Maybe she was like [an] older house cat, cute and loveable but maybe ate one too many Whiskas

PS- Happy Hump Day….giggity!

So TANcast is rapidly approaching the year anniversary of our podcast getting kicked out of the iTunes store. (WTF, iTunes?!). But some of you might actually want to subscribe to our nonsense. So here’s a step by step guide to subscribing to TANcast on iTunes! (FYI-these visuals are from a PC, but it works virtually the same on a Mac.) Read the rest of this entry »