TANcast

30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 29

If you’re on Facebook and you have more than 2 friends, you’ve probably gotten a message that one of your friends has “tagged” you in a photo. Then you click on it only to find out the “photo” is actually a grid that says things like “my funny friend,” “my friend with the best hair,” “my friend I miss most” etc. Then you keep getting notified as the other people who were tagged keep making comments on the photo. No big deal in the grand scheme of life…but still annoying, am I right?

May I humbly offer the solution? Just post the picture below on your page and then tag everyone who has tagged you in one of those photos before. Not only will they delete you from their Facebook friends…they may never speak to you again.

(click the grid to see it full size)

BTW-If any of you post this and tag me…you’re so dead.

30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 28

I finally called to make an appointment with an oral surgeon today to get my top two wisdom teeth removed. My wife will be happy because I have been putting this off for quite some time…as in, over two years. That’s a year per impacted tooth!

The thing is, I don’t have a good reason for putting it off. When I put off making the bed, that’s because I have no desire to make the bed. It’s the same for doing the dishes, taking out the garbage, or watching “What Not To Wear,” I’m putting those things off because I’d rather not do them (in the latter case, I’d rather do everything else on the list 2 or 3 times before that.) The great thing about procrastination is that sometimes if you put something of long enough…you don’t have to do it at all. So, really, you didn’t procrastinate, you won!

But with the wisdom teeth, that is not the case. I would like these things removed. In fact on of them has cracked to the point that it has a sharp edge that stabs my cheek whenever I bite…or talk…or yawn…or move my mouth in the slightest. So you would think I’d be Johnny-On-The-Spot with the appointment , but now. I let it go for more than 2 years. And I’m not one of those guys who has a fear of the dentist. I have a fear of dental bills, but that’s hardly the same.

I thought I just procrastination as a means to an end…simply a way for me to put off (and sometimes avoid) things I don’t want to do. But apparently, I actually enjoy procrastinating (like writing this blog instead of fleshing out a new joke). That’s a little scary. Not only do I have an inexplicable enjoyment for the act of procrastinating…I apparently value it more than my own physical well being.

This can’t end well…

30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 27

Every so often my mind goes on weird, random tangents when I drive at night. Tonight as I drove to pick up my wife from the airport I thought, “I wonder what people on other planets are doing right now.”

I am, of course, taking it as a given that there are other planets with life on them out there somewhere. But, I am not talking about what their scientists are doing. I’m sure they’re sending out probes and satellites trying to find intelligent life and having just about as much luck as we are. What I’m wondering about is Joe Blow alien. What’s he doing right now?

Probably just normal things like we are. There’s probably some alien yelling at his kids right now because they won’t stop fighting. Isn’t that a weird thought? Some alien dad yelling at his kids…right as you read this. We don’t look the same, communicate in the same way, or even observe time in the same manner…but those kids are getting a talking to from G’nok that they won’t soon forget.

And an alien is probably taking a shit right now. Doesn’t that blow your mind? He’s not working on the Death Star, or adjusting the stargate, he’s taking a fat dump. Right now! He’s pinching of a mighty alien loaf while you’re sitting here reading this blog. With so many planets in the universe, it’s almost impossible that somebody on another planet ISN’T shitting right now. What if it doesn’t come out of his butt? What if he shoots it out of his fingers? Like when a douche back greets you by doing that fake gun thing with his hands…except a turn shoots out. And so they have to wear gloves all the time to cover their private parts. Somewhere zillions of light years away, some alien is finger pooping and there isn’t anything you can do about it. You won’t ever get to see it.

…I don’t encourage drug use (I don’t discourage it either…it’s not for me, but you do what you want. I’m not your father) however…I believe you should probably read this blog to your friend when he’s high. I am fairly sure an amusing freak out will result from it.

This week, Noah has an obsession with not safe for work links, The boys talk about new fall TV (Supernatural, Glee, True Blood, House, Heroes, Dexter, & CSI), Tim contends that Turbulence is worse than Transformers, Andy uses his child’s hair to make his wife cry, Tim watches Hitman the wrong way, Surrogates disappoints Noah, finally Noah eats breakfast and that’s when the war begins.

Here is a link to the I *Heart* TANcast picture for you to put on your social networking site to win out Talking Joke Box contest: http://tancast.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/I-heart-TANcast-flyer.jpg (Contest Ends October 3, 2009)

This week’s TANlaughs were submitted by Dave in the UK, Mike, and Mike.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com

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[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

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30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 26

So I’m at Panda Express earlier behind a shit ton of people. One of them is a family of 5; a dad, a mom, a baby boy, a girl toddler, and a boy toddler.

While mom and dad are busy blathering to each other (dad’s holding the baby) the two toddlers set about climbing on the tables. Dad glances over to see them doing this and says, “get down.” However, he doesn’t say it in the sort of big, gruff, “dad means business” sorta tone. He says it as though he’s asking the kids to pass the salt. He then follows up by returning to his conversation with mom.

Well toddler girl climbs a little higher on the table…before losing her balance and falling chin first on the table next to it. She begins to cry. At this point mom and dad spring into action right? WRONG. The kid walks around crying and bleeding for a good minute before the Black family seated near the kids called the parents attention to the fact that the little girl had hurt herself. (oh, yes…the BLACK family had well behaved kids…deal with that you stereotyping fucks!)

Well now mom is takes the crying little girl to the bathroom. Now you would think that at THIS point either mom, dad, or both would make sure the toddler boy stopped climbing on the same tables…f you did think that, you would be wrong. Dad turned around and started deciding whether he wanted the orange chicken or the sweetfire chicken, which was WAY more important than monitoring his son.

You would expect that this story would end with the toddle boy falling and hurting himself as well…but it doesn’t. Which is almost worse. It’s great that the little boy didn’t hurt himself, but those parents clearly learned no lesson. They will continue to ignore their kids while thinking about their dining options. And even if none of the kids hurt themselves, can you please teach your children that it’s not okay to climb all over the table I’m about to eat on?! Sheesh!!!

30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 25

Trek haters be warned…thar’ be Trek a’comin’!

During the 5th season of Star Trek: The Next Generation there was an episode entitles “The Inner Light.” If you’re even a casual fan of the show, you probably know it. The episode won a Hugo Award, was nominated for an Emmy, and is consistently among the highest rated episodes in all of Star Trek.

It’s also one of my favorite episodes of Trek. It was recently on WGN so I made sure to save it on the DVR. I’ll describe the episode as briefly as I can. Captain Picard and the usual crew are on the bridge when a strange probe floats by. All of a sudden the probe sends out some beam and Picard falls down unconscious. When he wakes up, he’s on strange planet and everyone is calling him “Kamin.” He lives out a full lifetime on that planet in the span of 25 minutes. To summarize the plot more than this does the episode a huge disservice. You really should watch it, even if you’re not a fan of the Trek (hence I have saved it to watch with my wife) “The Inner Light” represents so much about what I like about Star Trek, yet is really an atypical episode.

There is no “villain” in the episode. No hostile alien attacking (Unless you count the probe attaching to Picard as an “attack.”) Most of the regular crew are barely in the episode…in fact Troi makes no appearance at all. There isn’t a great load of technical babble like there is in many episodes. There is a little to set up the premise of Picard’s predicament, but mostly it’s just Picard living a life on a drought plagued planet.

But what it does manage to do is deliver some great character moments. Despite all the rockets and lasers, Star Trek’s appeal has always been it’s great characters. And they manage to get some great drama out of this whole new set of characters that you didn’t know 30 minutes ago, but they tug violently at your heart strings for the bitter sweet finale of the episode. Plus it’s just such an interesting concept. What if you fell asleep tonight and then spent what seemed like 40 years living another life? …but then when you wake up…and you’re back in your bed…only one night had passed. How do you go back to your life after you’ve spent what seemed like 4 decades being somewhere else and someone else? Or imagine if you woke up tomorrow and all the experiences you’ve had up until now weren’t “real.” You had to go back to a whole other life that you’d forgotten about. Doesn’t that set our imagination on fire?!

To top it off, there is a haunting melody that Picard learns to play on a special flute. Which Picard plays as the show fades to credits. It is one of those songs that runs around in your head long after the tv is off, stirring up emotions as it goes. It was good enough to be fleshed out into a full orchestrated piece for Star Trek’s 30th anniversary and you can hear it in my Star Trek themed Kingdom Comedy.

I know I’m not the first to write about this episode, nor have I probably even come close to breaking new ground in my “analysis,” but I felt I should throw my two cents about this episode. It is a great episode of television that not only entertains but truly makes you feel something. It’s a shame some people will never see it because they don’t watch “that nerdy Star Trek crap.”

30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 24

So back in May, I posted a video called Tim Babb’s Kingdom Comedy: Fail (Which remains my wife’s favorite of all the videos I’ve done and up until today the title was spelled wrong “Kingdon Comdey” …double fail). The video is basically about how I had brought the camera to Disneyland and was ready to shoot another of my Kingdom Comedy series of videos when I noticed the camera was out of batteries.

Well now it’s almost October and I have finally made up for that error. A few hours ago I finished editing the video that I had gone to Disneyland to film that day. I present it to you now for your enjoyment…

30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 23

For those of you who don’t know, I’m a regular contributor to Kougarmagazine.com It’s a site by and for sexy, sophisticated, self-reliant women and the men who love them. I really like the idea of championing the notion that age is just a number and if you’re motivated, you can do whatever you want. SO in addition to my comedy bits, there are all sorts of helpful articles on fashion, health, business, etc.

Well for the fall issue, I was asked to come up with the top 10 worst ideas for a Halloween costume. I decided to do it in de-motivational poster form. Most of them turned out pretty well except for one… Read the rest of this entry »

30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 22

Look I’d like to write something entertaining for you good folks, I really would. But it’s fucking hot in this back room and I’ve been here all day. I was working on several PhotoShop projects as well as trying to edit a new Kingdom Comedy. (It’s coming along…slowly but surely) But there’s no air back here. I have the window open, but wind stubbornly refuses to blow in. But the sun beats down and heats this place to molten temperatures that force me to take a shower then walk around naked and wet all day…and I’m STILL too hot!

Oh wait…I lied I haven’t been in this room all day. I met a friend for lunch today and while the company was good, the food was another matter all together. Somewhere along the line, pizza has betrayed me. We were good friends for so many years, but now whenever I eat it, my butt turns into a volcano spewing ass magma. It’s so disappointing. I so rarely go out to eat because I am super cheap. So when I finally do go out to eat, it pains me (both literally and figuratively) to see it all go down the drain so soon. Ah well, I guess shit happens…messy, watery shit.

All this to say, this blog is not very entertaining and I’m sorry for that. How many of these 22 blogs have been me apologizing for the lack of good content? I wonder if that still counts as a blog…fuck it!

30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 21

So if you’ve heard the latest TANcast, then you know that the San Francisco Comedy Competition is over…at least for me. I didn’t score high enough to move on. Or to put it another way, I failed.

The time to ask why is behind me. I made bad choices, things beyond my control happened, etc. The question is, where do I go from here? I was really hoping this contest would open doors for my comedy career. Now those doors are probably slammed shut.

I could sit around and moan that fact, but the fact is I really just want to move on and find new ways of opening those doors (or find new doors). But not knowing how to do that is a frightening thing. It’s like being lost in the woods…no..wait…I wouldn’t know what that’s like. It’s like being in the LAX parking lot and not knowing where your car is (that I know about first hand). You don’t know where to start. You feel like every time you go one direction, you may actually moving further from your goal. As the hours go by, you begin to wonder if in fact you’re just going around in circles.

In LAX I eventually found my car and got to where I wanted to go. Will I be that lucky with comedy? Only time and will can tell.