September 27th, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
This week, Noah has an obsession with not safe for work links, The boys talk about new fall TV (Supernatural, Glee, True Blood, House, Heroes, Dexter, & CSI), Tim contends that Turbulence is worse than Transformers, Andy uses his child’s hair to make his wife cry, Tim watches Hitman the wrong way, Surrogates disappoints Noah, finally Noah eats breakfast and that’s when the war begins.
This week’s TANlaughs were submitted by Dave in the UK, Mike, and Mike.
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to all of us at:
fucktards(at)TANcast.com or YourMom(at)TANcast.com
[CONTENT WARNING]TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.
September 27th, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 26
So I’m at Panda Express earlier behind a shit ton of people. One of them is a family of 5; a dad, a mom, a baby boy, a girl toddler, and a boy toddler.
While mom and dad are busy blathering to each other (dad’s holding the baby) the two toddlers set about climbing on the tables. Dad glances over to see them doing this and says, “get down.” However, he doesn’t say it in the sort of big, gruff, “dad means business” sorta tone. He says it as though he’s asking the kids to pass the salt. He then follows up by returning to his conversation with mom.
Well toddler girl climbs a little higher on the table…before losing her balance and falling chin first on the table next to it. She begins to cry. At this point mom and dad spring into action right? WRONG. The kid walks around crying and bleeding for a good minute before the Black family seated near the kids called the parents attention to the fact that the little girl had hurt herself. (oh, yes…the BLACK family had well behaved kids…deal with that you stereotyping fucks!)
Well now mom is takes the crying little girl to the bathroom. Now you would think that at THIS point either mom, dad, or both would make sure the toddler boy stopped climbing on the same tables…f you did think that, you would be wrong. Dad turned around and started deciding whether he wanted the orange chicken or the sweetfire chicken, which was WAY more important than monitoring his son.
You would expect that this story would end with the toddle boy falling and hurting himself as well…but it doesn’t. Which is almost worse. It’s great that the little boy didn’t hurt himself, but those parents clearly learned no lesson. They will continue to ignore their kids while thinking about their dining options. And even if none of the kids hurt themselves, can you please teach your children that it’s not okay to climb all over the table I’m about to eat on?! Sheesh!!!
September 25th, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 25
Trek haters be warned…thar’ be Trek a’comin’!
During the 5th season of Star Trek: The Next Generation there was an episode entitles “The Inner Light.” If you’re even a casual fan of the show, you probably know it. The episode won a Hugo Award, was nominated for an Emmy, and is consistently among the highest rated episodes in all of Star Trek.
It’s also one of my favorite episodes of Trek. It was recently on WGN so I made sure to save it on the DVR. I’ll describe the episode as briefly as I can. Captain Picard and the usual crew are on the bridge when a strange probe floats by. All of a sudden the probe sends out some beam and Picard falls down unconscious. When he wakes up, he’s on strange planet and everyone is calling him “Kamin.” He lives out a full lifetime on that planet in the span of 25 minutes. To summarize the plot more than this does the episode a huge disservice. You really should watch it, even if you’re not a fan of the Trek (hence I have saved it to watch with my wife) “The Inner Light” represents so much about what I like about Star Trek, yet is really an atypical episode.
There is no “villain” in the episode. No hostile alien attacking (Unless you count the probe attaching to Picard as an “attack.”) Most of the regular crew are barely in the episode…in fact Troi makes no appearance at all. There isn’t a great load of technical babble like there is in many episodes. There is a little to set up the premise of Picard’s predicament, but mostly it’s just Picard living a life on a drought plagued planet.
But what it does manage to do is deliver some great character moments. Despite all the rockets and lasers, Star Trek’s appeal has always been it’s great characters. And they manage to get some great drama out of this whole new set of characters that you didn’t know 30 minutes ago, but they tug violently at your heart strings for the bitter sweet finale of the episode. Plus it’s just such an interesting concept. What if you fell asleep tonight and then spent what seemed like 40 years living another life? …but then when you wake up…and you’re back in your bed…only one night had passed. How do you go back to your life after you’ve spent what seemed like 4 decades being somewhere else and someone else? Or imagine if you woke up tomorrow and all the experiences you’ve had up until now weren’t “real.” You had to go back to a whole other life that you’d forgotten about. Doesn’t that set our imagination on fire?!
To top it off, there is a haunting melody that Picard learns to play on a special flute. Which Picard plays as the show fades to credits. It is one of those songs that runs around in your head long after the tv is off, stirring up emotions as it goes. It was good enough to be fleshed out into a full orchestrated piece for Star Trek’s 30th anniversary and you can hear it in my Star Trek themed Kingdom Comedy.
I know I’m not the first to write about this episode, nor have I probably even come close to breaking new ground in my “analysis,” but I felt I should throw my two cents about this episode. It is a great episode of television that not only entertains but truly makes you feel something. It’s a shame some people will never see it because they don’t watch “that nerdy Star Trek crap.”
September 24th, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 24
So back in May, I posted a video called Tim Babb’s Kingdom Comedy: Fail (Which remains my wife’s favorite of all the videos I’ve done and up until today the title was spelled wrong “Kingdon Comdey” …double fail). The video is basically about how I had brought the camera to Disneyland and was ready to shoot another of my Kingdom Comedy series of videos when I noticed the camera was out of batteries.
Well now it’s almost October and I have finally made up for that error. A few hours ago I finished editing the video that I had gone to Disneyland to film that day. I present it to you now for your enjoyment…
September 24th, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 23
For those of you who don’t know, I’m a regular contributor to Kougarmagazine.com It’s a site by and for sexy, sophisticated, self-reliant women and the men who love them. I really like the idea of championing the notion that age is just a number and if you’re motivated, you can do whatever you want. SO in addition to my comedy bits, there are all sorts of helpful articles on fashion, health, business, etc.
September 22nd, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 22
Look I’d like to write something entertaining for you good folks, I really would. But it’s fucking hot in this back room and I’ve been here all day. I was working on several PhotoShop projects as well as trying to edit a new Kingdom Comedy. (It’s coming along…slowly but surely) But there’s no air back here. I have the window open, but wind stubbornly refuses to blow in. But the sun beats down and heats this place to molten temperatures that force me to take a shower then walk around naked and wet all day…and I’m STILL too hot!
Oh wait…I lied I haven’t been in this room all day. I met a friend for lunch today and while the company was good, the food was another matter all together. Somewhere along the line, pizza has betrayed me. We were good friends for so many years, but now whenever I eat it, my butt turns into a volcano spewing ass magma. It’s so disappointing. I so rarely go out to eat because I am super cheap. So when I finally do go out to eat, it pains me (both literally and figuratively) to see it all go down the drain so soon. Ah well, I guess shit happens…messy, watery shit.
All this to say, this blog is not very entertaining and I’m sorry for that. How many of these 22 blogs have been me apologizing for the lack of good content? I wonder if that still counts as a blog…fuck it!
September 22nd, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 21
So if you’ve heard the latest TANcast, then you know that the San Francisco Comedy Competition is over…at least for me. I didn’t score high enough to move on. Or to put it another way, I failed.
The time to ask why is behind me. I made bad choices, things beyond my control happened, etc. The question is, where do I go from here? I was really hoping this contest would open doors for my comedy career. Now those doors are probably slammed shut.
I could sit around and moan that fact, but the fact is I really just want to move on and find new ways of opening those doors (or find new doors). But not knowing how to do that is a frightening thing. It’s like being lost in the woods…no..wait…I wouldn’t know what that’s like. It’s like being in the LAX parking lot and not knowing where your car is (that I know about first hand). You don’t know where to start. You feel like every time you go one direction, you may actually moving further from your goal. As the hours go by, you begin to wonder if in fact you’re just going around in circles.
In LAX I eventually found my car and got to where I wanted to go. Will I be that lucky with comedy? Only time and will can tell.
September 21st, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
Noah doesn’t find Kanye West’s douchey behavior funny, Andy and Noah love Project Runway, Noah outsmarts the water company, the boys review “9” and “Extract,” Andy gets fired up about politics (and stupidity), Noah discovers a new kind of SPAM, Andy’s baby is to be feared by all, Tim talks a little about stand-up comedy, Andy’s mom gets schooled on Mexican Food in Missouri, the show can’t end with out some Glee and Star Trek, Tim reports on the D23 Expo, the boys hate on Joe Wilson, Andy sucks off Michael Ian Black, and Noah and Andy talk Snow Leopard, and Tim puts Universal Studios on notice.
[CONTENT WARNING]TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.
September 20th, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 20
7 hours from now I’ll be performing in Santa Cruz with my future in the San Francisco Comedy Competition on the line. Until then I’m just waiting. I don’t want to particularly sit here and stress about it for the next 7 hours…because that’s really not going to help anything. But I feel like if I sit here not thinking about it, I’m not accomplishing anything. It’s one of those limbo times. I can’t do anything to effect the outcome of my day for the next 7 hours…but I can’t really move on with my day until then. It’s like a Christmas morning of stress. I can’t wait to open my presents, but if I open them wrong, they might blow up in my face.
September 19th, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)
30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 19
Why do I do this? Why am I comedian? I don’t ask this because I don’t think I’m funny, I ask this because the job of stand-up comedian involves a lot of rejection…and I apparently can’t deal well with rejection. It’s almost the end of the preliminary round of the San Francisco Comedy Competition. The first 2 nights I placed in the top 5, which is good. I felt happy about it, but was determined that I still needed to do better. The second two nights I did NOT place in the top 5…the anger that welled within me was enough to make me turn to the dark side and force choke Padame. I don’t know why. There are 14 other comics and they’re all good…some of them are REALLY good. I realize every competition has to have a loser. But when that loser is me, I just see red. It’s kind of like my hatred of gambling. I know there’s risk going in but I get so emotionally invested that when I lose, I also lose my mind!
Let me be clear, I don’t think that I am the most awesome comedian who ever lived (or even in the top 150). Thusly, I don’t believe I should win every contest I enter. But something about NOT winning spikes the gamma rays in my bloodstream and makes me want to SMASH!!!
Thankfully, I’ve gotten good at not shooting my mouth off. ‘Cause in my mind I’m blaming everyone from the crowd to the judges to the people who made the line up to the other comedians. It’s only as I cool off in the car ride on the way home that I really start to step back and point the blame inward. I’m the one who has to step my game up, not anyone else. I can’t keep second guessing my material, I have to go with what works and believe in it to the end. I know these jokes can rock a house, because I’ve been the one telling them when they have. (I don’t know if you can tell, but I’ve been listening to the Rocky soundtrack for the last hour)
So tomorrow is the final show of this round in Santa Cruz. It’s make or break time. If I don’t place in the top 5, I am effectively done in this competition. So I am going to bring it with everything I’ve got. I’ve played the Crow’s Nest before, I usually do well there. It’s a rowdy crowd but they like to laugh if you can hold their attention. Tomorrow, I will hold their attention! I will have the set of my life tomorrow! I will make people laugh until they pee (or fart). I’m “leaving it all on the ice tomorrow,” as Kevin Smith would say! I may be beaten and bruised, but I can hear the crowd chanting “Roc-ky! Roc-ky! Roc-ky!” And I know I have to get up and get back in there…because it’s not about how hard you hit…it’s about how hard you can GET hit and keep moving forward. It’s about how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!!!
I think I have whipped myself into a frenzy with enough cliches and sports metaphors…now let’s go tell some dick jokes!!! (Note: I do not actually have any “dick jokes” in my act)
