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April 2nd, 2014 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

Tim Babb’s April Foolishness
Day 2

California has been getting some much needed rain recently. Which is great…except that it keeps driving the ants into my house. Every time I turn around I see one or two crawling around or a big group of them fighting over some crumb. Look, ants, I know I’m supposed to not have food out, but I have a 2 year-old. He’s messy. Leave his mess alone.

Where are they even coming from? Normally when you have ants there’s a trail of them that you can follow back to the point where they’re getting in. These are some ninja ants that just keep showing up out of no where in the middle of rooms, on counter tops, in my nightmares. Go the hell away!!!

Why do they even come in the house? Every time I find an ant I kill it. None of theme have escaped this house. They have all died by my hand. I’m the Jason Voorhees of the ant world. In fact, if this was a horror movie, these would be the dumbest characters ever! There’s a big house. Every time someone goes in, they never come out. But yet they keep saying, “Let’s go check it out.” Sure enough, they get squished, poisoned, and (in rare cases) burned to death. Its like an ant Saw movie up in here and they just keep coming. I will kill as many ants as I have to.


Next on my s*** list, spiders. The only reason I let you freaky looking bastards live is that you’re supposed to eat other bugs. What ‘s the deal with all these ants? Did you suddenly go vegan?! When I’m done with the ants, you’re next!

UPDATE: Since posting this, the ant war has reached a new level. I found one crawling in my ear. IN MY F***ING EAR!!! If I hadn’t had my ear buds in, he might have made it all the way inside. NOT COOL, ANTS! They are really stepping up their game. I’ll slaughter a batch in one location, then find more in another. Then when I go back to the first location, more have come to take the place of their fallen, evil ant brothers! It’s almost 2am! I should be sleeping not fighting this ant war.


13 Responses to “I HATE ANTS!!!”

  1. TimNo Gravatar Says:

    UPDATE #2: Raid is useless! Ant poison is useless! Nothing stops these f***ing qumphs!!!

    I read that vinegar repels ants…apparently not these ants! They keep coming! Found a swarm on the toilet this morning! THE TOILET! THERE’S NOTHING WORTH EATING ON THE TOILET YOU DUMB QUMPHS!!!


  2. Lindsey #1 Britishy Things FanNo Gravatar Says:

    Ants are gross. We had ant troubles in our apartment, but someone recommended a brand of traps to us and they worked like a charm: Tero Liquid Ant Bait. It’s designed so the ants crawl in and get the poison and if they can crawl out, they die anyway.

  3. AlissaNo Gravatar Says:

    Your rage is a gift to all of us, because this is damn hilarious.
    Sorry bout your ant struggles.

  4. Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    UPDATE #3 Now the ants are getting to me mentally. I keep seeing ants everywhere! I’m not even at home. But I look out of the corner of my eye and I see the little demon creatures moving. But then I take a closer look…nothing.

    I think the ants are gaslighting me! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

  5. JesusNo Gravatar Says:

    Could they be filming the Ant-Man movie near your place, is that where these things are coming from? I tend to keep Daddy Long Legs around, those are the bug eaters that tend to stay away from humans. When a pack get’s too big, I just put them in a jar and carry them outside. Good luck with the ants.

  6. ChelseaNo Gravatar Says:

    have you tired that orange spray? I’ve never used it before (and my old room used to be an ants’ hang out) when I moved out I started using Orkin (pricey but works!… although it took a while to kill off all the ants). ANYWAY I’ve heard that it works….the orange spray. Or there’s this kid & pet safe spray ( I can’t remember that name) but that did keep our ant problem at bay for a little while.

  7. Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    UPDATE #4 We’ve started using cinnamon which smells better and seems to be keeping the ants at bay.

    But then two of the little s***s stowed away on my bag and came out at work! AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!

  8. DeanNo Gravatar Says:

    Also, Formula 409. Dead ants, clean counters and sinks

  9. Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    UPDATE #5 The f***ing dish washer?! Are you kidding me?! I finally thought we were winning the war. We’ve wiped down, swept up, mopped up, vacuumed, and sprinkled cinnamon all over the house…but they KEEP COMING!

    I was wrong to compare this to a Friday the 13th movie…this is a zombie move. I’m not the monster…I’m the idiot caught in the path. I Am Leg-ant!

  10. Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    UPDATE #6 I looked outside and saw a mass of ants in my backyard…streaming towards my house. I ran outside. Finally! I take the fight to THEM! I emptied a can of Raid out there! There were tons of them! They all tasted sweet death at my hand! Suck on my spray poison, devil bugs! DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

  11. JesusNo Gravatar Says:

    Must have been a battle of Man of Steel proportions.

  12. JesusNo Gravatar Says:

    Ant-Man you magnificent bastard, I READ YOUR BOOK!

  13. Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    Nice, Jesus.

    UPDATE #7 – Flying ants now?! The bastards have sprouted wings just to keep terrorizing my life! So I sent my wife to OSH today to pick up a gallon of hardcore bug killer.

    So you wanna play rough? Okay…SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!!

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