A few days ago, I wrote a blog about how I think the Enchantress from Beauty and the Beast is actually an evil, evil witch. I was super proud of myself and my analysis until I read a comment from Jesus:
BTW, was chip BORN a cup?! Ten years, their human bodies didn’t age, so we can assume chip was either born a cup or was already a 10 year old boy. Also, there were other living teacups, were they children too? How many kids did Mrs. Potts have?!
Oh my lord…Chip!
What could I have done to deserve this?
This may be the most acute case of fridge horror ever. That’s a little kid…transformed into a cup. Jesus says the human bodies don’t age during the spell, but the Beast looks way older than 11 when he turns back into a regular dude. I must assume then that their bodies have indeed aged while cursed. That leaves three possible scenarios to explain Chip…all of them bad…
Best Case Scenario:
Chip was conceived, carried to term, and birthed AFTER the curse was placed on the castle. So Mrs. Potts somehow found a way to get her freak on while in tea pot form…and somehow that unholy union made a child. Who would the father be? One of the beer steins? What do you cross with a tea pot to make a tea cup? I really don’t want to think about this scenario too long.
Slightly Worse Case Scenario:
Mrs. Potts was pregnant at the time of the curse. Not only does this scenario add the twisted element of the Enchantress putting a spell on a pregnant lady, it still has the element of Mrs. Potts giving birth…as a tea pot. The mind boggles. How would it…? Where would it…? But as Jesus mentioned…Chip is not the only child/cup in the movie. So it’s not likely either of these scenarios is right. Which only leaves…
Worst Case Scenario:
Let’s say Chip is around 11 years old, so he was born before the curse. Which means the Enchantress cursed a baby to a possible lifetime as drink wear. I thought it was bad to put a curse on an 11 year old boy, but what kind of heartless, magical skank puts a curse on a BABY?! Maybe you could argue that somehow ALL the adult servants should have made the prince less selfish, but what was the baby supposed to do? And the other cups were probably a little older than chip, but not by a lot. Which means they must have been very young children when the curse hit. I have an almost 2 year old, I don’t have the first idea how I would explain to him if he, his mother and I all got changed into flatware tomorrow. Here’s what I DO know, he wouldn’t understand it even if I did. We haven’t been able to convince him not to grab at his dirty diapers while we’re changing him yet…you think he’s gonna understand this total shift in his physical state..and the physical state of everyone he knows? He’s probably going to wonder where mommy is and why this tea pot has her voice. Unfortunately, mommy can’t pick him up to comfort him…because she has NO FRIGGIN’ ARMS!!!
“There, there, son. Let mommy comfort you by rubbing her huge nose on you.”
Even if we take the Enchantress at her word…that she’s not a purely evil pile of devil hate that throws around curses for fun and actually wanted to change the Beast for the better with her spell…She just made the problem worse. Those kids are scared for life! When they grow up, they are going to make Gaston look like a model citizen. There is at least one future serial killer in that cupboard.
Oh Jesus, what hell hath this Enchantress wrought upon us? God help us all.
I’m coming for your babies!!!