TANcast

Below are three leaked trailers for as yet unannounced Disney film projects based on Disney Theme Park Rides.

Matterhorn: The Movie Trailer

Fuck it. I’ve been dancing around, trying to keep everything consistent, and it’s getting confusing. I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and I’ve come to the conclusion it just isn’t worth the effort anymore.

It’s time to unmask the monkey…

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[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts. Listener discretion is advised.

After narrowly avoiding a super awkward start, this week’s episode touches on the topics like the perils of public Tweets, inappropriate behavior at work, Tim’s latest 18th birthday, Duplicity, Batman (1989), Blu-ray, Michael Clayton, Andy’s hate for poor house painting, Hulu commercials, fast food, financial planning for the shitty economy, suicide, Facebook vs MySpace, and road rage!

This week’s TANlaugh was submitted by no one…
Send your jokes and/or e-mails to:
Tim (at) TANcast.com
Andy (at) TANcast.com
and/or
Noah (at) TANcast.com
Help us choose a new group e-mail address. Vote in our poll: http://tancast.com/2009/03/30/choose-our-e-mail-address/

Vote for TANcast at Podcast Alley:
http://podcastalley.com/one_vote2.php?pod_id=67598

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Recently we’ve decided that we need a single e-mail address that will reach all of the TANcasters at once. But we can’t decide what to name it! That’s where you come in…

The voting is over! Thanks for all your votes!!! Listen to TANcast 45 to find out which e-mail address won!:
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Update: The change has come. TANcast is now using the Blubrry Powerpress plugin to run our podcast. The feeds seem to be working, but shit always seems to happen right when I think everything is copacetic. I’ll do more on this tomorrow (like removing all the crap) but if you have any problems please let us know ASAP.

The end of TANcast using the PodPress plugin for WordPress is rapidly approaching.

Blubrry has just released version 0.7.1 of their Powerpress plugin with a ton of new features, including PodPress migration.

As we’ve said before, PodPress has essentially stood still for 15 months, breaking features in recent revisions of WordPress. Someone else patched this major issue about a month ago, but it’s too little, too late. Powerpress now has better features and cleaner code, and is actively being maintained and improved, not patched by 3rd parties to fix defects more than 8 months after the signs of breakage are demonstrated.

On top of everything else to date, PodPress is now saving our “include this file in our Podcast RSS feed” settings for each post, but not reading that setting back out of the database when we re-open the same post to update something. As such, the checkboxes in our editor interface that control whether the audio file gets included (i.e. whether this post will register as an episode in iTunes, etc.) load as un-checked. If we forget to re-check them and save (or the editor auto-saves), the post stops publishing an audio file and we look like we lost an episode. Awesome!

The only question now is: When?

The answer: Tick Tock…

I always seem to break TANcast in some unexpected way when I upgrade things (including every WordPress upgrade), so I wanted to toss out this heads-up at least 2 days before I throw the switch. When it happens, this post will be updated again to note that fact. At that point, if you see any breakage, please leave a comment on this post and/or send a message to @Mysterious_Andy on Twitter.

We’ll try to fix any issues before the heat death of the universe.

…..I want to see the broken dreams and tears in perfect clarity.

This is the second in my ongoing series of extremely stupid things you can whip up and shove in your head-hole to eventually convert into some poop.

Today I bring you a recent creation, dreamed up by my wife on Monday and whipped up by me minutes later…

Four-Cheese Macaroni

1. Get yourself one box each of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner: Three Cheese with Mini-Shell Pasta and Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner: White Cheddar
2. Combine both boxes of pasta in a sufficient amount of boiling water
3. Boil for 7-8 minutes (11-13 metric), stirring whenever you can muster the courage
4. Drain water into something that won’t melt or scream
5. Stir in approximately 1/2 cup (0.0010081 barrel) of milk and 1/3 cup (21.333 fluid drams) of margarine or butter with the stove on low heat
6. Slowly stir in both packets of pseudo-cheese-product powder
7. Continue stirring until the entire thing is one color and no longer looks as much like it isn’t really cheese

According to the boxes, this makes 6 servings. If you are an actual adult human who hasn’t has gastric bypass surgery (the FDA “serving” definition is based on what a bypassed stomach will hold), then this makes 3-4 servings. If you are a big fat fucker like me, grab your favorite punch bowl and go to town on this single-serving delight.

Since I’ve only made and consumed this once, and only days ago at that, I make no promises about this combination plate for the lazy not causing lupus or ass-cancer.

So I’m on Craigslist looking for work (My career is on FIRE) and I come across this:

New Reality Show Calling Actors!! (los angeles)
Date: 2009-03-24, 11:17AM PDT

A New Reality Show is in pre-production and is calling ALL Talented Actors!!
We are looking for talented actors who have given up on their dreams. We want to know WHY, WHO, WHAT caused you to stop pursuing your passions.

We’re looking for heartfelt, truthful, and out of the ordinary stories.
Please submit one headshot and a brief story (not more than 3 paragraphs)
explaining your circumstances. We’re excited to hear from you!
We have a great crew, set, and team and are starting to cast in the next two weeks!

Look forward to hearing from you….

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/tlg/1089971634.html

So basically it’s a reality show about how your dream has been crushed by LA?

Have you failed? Are you ready to admit defeat and shuffle off back to middle America? Well before you do, let us showcase your failure on the world stage. Instead of just being a washout to your friends and family, you can be known as a washout by whomever watches our crappy show!

Oh…one thing…you’ll have to compete with other washouts just to get on our show. So it’s possible that you could be failure at being a washout. What’s that taste in your mouth? That’s bitterness…or that gun barrel your eating.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts. Listener discretion is advised.

In response to a post on the MeanDawg forums, The TANboys rip off…er…pay tribute to the MeanDawg top five podcast with their lists of “top 5 movies they were most excited to see or were the most memorable movie going experiences…that they remember.” (Got all that?)

Vote for TANcast at Podcast Alley:
http://podcastalley.com/podcast_details.php?pod_id=67598

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Listeners of the show will remember that the City of Los Angeles contacted me a few months back saying I owed a “business tax” for working in the Los Angeles City limits. I contacted them by phone…and got no response. I then e-mailed them and got a response saying that if I didn’t receive any money for business conducted when I was physically in the city limits, I was exempt from this tax…and I should write them a letter to say so. They provided me an address.

As I have yet to receive a dime for performing in the City of Los Angeles, I followed the e-mails instructions, explained my case in a letter, sent it to the address, and thought the whole matter was settled.

Now Mervyn’s…I mean the City of Los Angeles has written me again saying I never responded and now I owe them $4,000! FUCK YOU, LOS ANGELES!!!

Your city has never paid me a dime!!! I contacted you 3 separate ways to straighten it out and now you’re putting the blame on me?! No wonder republicans don’t trust government! You’re not getting a dime out of me just because YOU are incompetent!