TANcast

Tim Babb’s March Blog Madness: Day 12
So I went to Panda Express today…because life is sweet sometimes! I got my fortune cookie and this is the message that awaited me when I opened it…

Really Panda? You’re not even trying anymore! Fortunes used to actually take a risk and says something was going to happen to you. Then they pussed out and just started to give advice. (“Don’t poke a stick in your eye” or something real bold like that). Now, it’s just “Ask Your Mom.” That’s just pathetic. No one could come up with something better than that? THose peopel who BS their way through horoscopes come up with 12 things every day. Just rip off one of those…sheesh.

Plus…this would totally ruin the “Between the sheets” game (Also known as “in bed.”)

Tim Babb’s March Blog Madness: Day 11

In 1984, the final Muppet movie to feature Jim Henson was released. It was called “The Muppets Take Manhattan.” The story follows everyone’s favorite felt family as they go from college to New York to try and sell their play, “Manhattan Melodies” on Broadway (It is never explained how or why they write a play about Manhattan without ever stepping foot in New York…or how it could possibly be good, but more on that later). Since Broadway had a shortage of kiddie themed shows at the time (this was pre-Lion King or Beauty and The Beast), Kermit is able to sell the show.

“Yeah I just sold the show. What could go wrong?”

Unfortunately, right after Kermit sells the show he goes missing when he gets hit by a taxi and develops amnesia (which is much better outcome than what happens to MOST frogs when they get hit by cars). The rest of the cast and crew spend two weeks prepping the show and looking for Kermit. Finally it is opening night and Kermit (still with amnesia) somehow finds himself backstage at the show just before curtain time. Miss Piggy gives him a good karate chop and his memories come back (because that’s how that would work).

Still better medicine than Kaiser.

So they catch Kermit up on the fact that it’s opening night and it’s time to start the show. Kermit is hesitant because he says there’s still something “missing” form the show (oh…he’s been saying that the whole movie…did I forget to mention that? Ah well) They convince Kermit to go on anyway and on the way to the stage they pass a bunch of random Muppets (frogs, bears, chickens, etc) and Fozzie asks if they can watch the show from backstage and Kermit decided THAT is what has been missing, “More frogs, and dogs and bears..and whatever! You’re not gonna watch the show, you’re gonna be IN the show.” …and that brings me to the point of this blog. Read the rest of this entry »

Tim Babb’s March Blog Madness: Day 10

I have a completely different reason for hating taxes than most people…tax time is the time I’m forced to confront how little I’m making as a stand up comic. Let me tell you, 2009 was my worst year ever! I made less than half of what I made in 2008.

The good news is that I’m on track to do much better this year than both previous years. So here’s hoping 2010 is where it all turns around for Tim. Otherwise you may see me soon asking you, “Would you like to ‘King Size’ your meal?”* And then tax time will have me wondering if I can deduct ketchup stain removal products.

*Yeah, I said “King Size,” not “Super Size.” If I go fast food, I’m going Burger King, baby. I’m not about to lose ALL my dignity!

I have a particular skill or bit of experience that is neither widely-held nor widely-sought. Before you all start speculating (“It’s that thing he does with his tongue!”), I’m not going to talk about the what. For the sake of argument, let’s just say I knit yak hair into festive tea cozies.

Let’s go further and say that there may be a few dozen people on earth who have as much experience knitting yak-hair cozies as I do.

Approximately 99.98% (±0.02%) of the time this has no bearing on my life.

About two weeks ago, I was contacted out of the blue by a recruiter looking for a yak-hair-cozy-knitter. No foolin’.

Read the rest of this entry »

The most compelling TANcast ever! This episode features casual blasphemy, abortion debate, and a frank discussion about religious choice. Then it devolves in to the usual TANtopics like Star Trek, Pulp Fiction, having kids, Hypocritical politicians, Shutter Island, Alice in Wonderland, the Academy Awards, Disney animation, movies based on Saturday Night Live Skits, and Chatroulette.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.
Read the rest of this entry »

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Tim Babb’s March Blog Madness: Day 9

Some of you may have noticed that the new episode of TANcast is not up yet. You also may have noticed I haven’t blogged yet today. (It is technically after midnight here but not in Hawaii…so I’m counting this blog)

I’ve just been swamped and I’m still getting over my sickness (actually the cough seems worse), so I don’t want to push myself late into another night. I’m gonna go to bed now and hopefully I’ll be feeling better when I awake. Then I’ll finish editing what is turning out to be a truly above average episode…and for TANcast, above average is our “excellent.”

Not to over hype the episode…in fact it’s mediocre at best. You’re better off waiting for it. Maybe you’ll find happiness in the meantime. Ok…off to bed. Night night.

Tim Babb’s March Blog Madness: Day 8

First off…sorry folks this week’s episode is a ways off I am busy and a little sick and the former is making the latter worse. I swear it will be worth the wait. (I’m quite proud of Noah and Andy on this week’s show)

But last night was Oscar night!!! As your intrepid Hollywood reported (who just drove by the Kodak Theater moments ago…several sloooooow moving moments ago), I know you give a shit what I thought. So here goes…

Actually I’m amazed that I HAVE an opinion! I haven’t seen most of the nominated films (Hence I was rooting for “Up”). For some reason I was rooting against Avatar. I dunno why. I haven’t seen it. Kevin Smith seemed to like it. Andy and Noah seemed to have at least enjoyed it. Part of is it that I don’t like James Cameron. Anyone who breaks it off with Sarah Connor is an idiot of the highest sort. Then, I guess, part of it is the hype. I was over this movie before it came out. I was just inundated with how this movie was going to “change movies forever.” Then the previews looked not as good as the average Pixar movie.

And Sandra Bullock…hell yes! Winning a Razzie and an Oscar in the same year. The first actor to do it. I just have always liked her since she ran over the baby carriage in Speed. I haven’t seen the movie she won for…and there’s no guarantee that I ever will. But, you go Sandra!!! Hell yeah!

I won’t go through the rest of the catagorys but I will say that Star Trek is officially an “Academy Award winning movie!” w00t! Suck it, Transformers!

Also people have been complaining on Twitter that Michael Jackson was mentioned in the look back at people who died in 2009, but Farrah Fawcett wasn’t. Ok…I get with you being hurt with them leaving Farrah out…she wasn’t a “movie star,” she was a television actress for the most part, but she DID do some movies. But I’m not down with these people who are saying Michael didn’t belong on that real. He has contributed to film in a number of ways. Aside from playing one of the leads in the Wiz, he had a small part in Men in Black 2, he performed the themes to Free Willy, Free Willy 2 and the immortal “Ben.” Not to mention that his music videos were considered to be “short films” by many. Just look at the talent he had behind the camera: John Landis, Martin Scorcesse, John Singleton, and OF course George Lucas and Francs Ford Copilla for a little 3D adventure playing in Disneyland RIGHT NOW! I for one was glad they gave Michael a brief mention. But I AM sorry they skipped Farrah…and also Wayne Alwyne (The voice of Mickey Mouse) May all or lost favorites rest in peace and may we carry our love for there work with us no matter who is a fuck stick and tries to ignore/shit on them.

…ok…no time to spell check this train wreck. I gotta go. Kisses!!!

Tim Babb’s March Blog Madness: Day 7

If you don’t follow me on Twitter or Facebook, then you missed this post:

“Wow! We are accidentally recording a really interesting TANcast!”

We were half way through recording this week’s show and I was really enjoying listening to Andy and Noah go back and forth. I truly think it was one of our most interesting shows.

But then after that we fell into our normal crap and Noah sent us a link to this picture:

I wanted to give those of you who read TANcast.com a jump on the folks who only listen to the podcast. Now when we mention this on the show you’ll already know about it.

…and knowing is half the battle!

Tim Babb’s March Blog Madness: Day 6

Sometimes when you’re doing comedy, and everything is going right it feels like pure magic! The other night was not one of those times. It was one of those nights where the crowd was really thin, no one was really getting laughs, and the show seemed to be dragging on.

Then this one guy got up and started complaining about the room and and about the situation. Look buddy, we know it sucks. We don’t need you to remind us and make us feel like it’s our fault. Just do your jokes and get off stage so this train wreck can be over. Unfortunately the douchebag on stage couldn’t hear me say any of this…because it was me.

I don’t know why I became the thing I hate but it wasn’t even very fulfilling. It didn’t feel good while I was doing it and I didn’t feel good during or after. I felt like I was being an ass and then I felt bad for being an ass.

So I guess my message is: don’t become the thing you hate…it’s not worth it.

Tim Babb’s March Blog Madness: Day 5

Since yesterday I wrote and anti-republican blog (Technically, it was anti-PALIN blog. That’s an important distinction in my eyes) today I’d like to write a little something more pro-republican.

Last Friday on Real Time with Bill Maher, there were two liberals and one conservative on the panel (plus Bill, who leans far more liberal than not). They liberals kept attacking the conservative for things he wasn’t saying. He was making some interesting points, but they seemed to ignore them and move on to bashing what they wanted to bash anyway. I realize this is a comedy show, but I think the conservative cracked the door open for an interesting debate…but the liberals just wanted to say what was bad about other conservatives.

I hate that crap. C’mon people, do we really have to keep this “us” vs “them” thing going on in politics? Look, you like tax breaks and I like government programs…neither one of us hates this country. Our political representatives are going to continue to be shooting the other party’s ideas down on principle unless we say, “Hey fuck sticks, enough of this ‘my way or the highway’ bullshit. You have a vision for the country, they have a vision for the country…figure out a way to reconcile the two in a compromise and fucking GET SHIT DONE!!! All this arguing and flag humping is not making me any safer, getting my kids better educated, or getting my job back.”

“Also…stop fucking cheating on your wives! Sweet bastard! Keep it in your fucking pants, asshole! You realize any helpful message you might have about the state of the country will be drowned out by screams of “ADULTERER!!!”

I’m Tim Babb and I approve this message.