Better than nothing.


12 Angry … somethings.

June 3rd, 2005 . by Andy (TANcast's #1 Ear-Rapist)

The Michael Jackson trial goes to the jury today to decide the pop icon’s guilt on 10 felony counts including 7 counts of “lewd or lascivious acts on a child under the age of 14” and 2 of “administering an intoxicating agent” related to the molestation charges.

Happily, Jackson should be assured a fair deliberation thanks to the extraordinary, nay, Herculean lengths the Santa Maria courts went to to assure Jackson a jury of his peers. The deliberation will fall to:

  • Two young black men
  • Three middle-aged white women
  • Eddie Murphy
  • A hermaphrodite of indeterminate race
  • A family of chimpanzees: Bobo, Suzee, and Mikey (no relation to Bubbles)
  • Robert Kelly (known as “R.” to friends and fans)
  • And jury foreperson: A Macy’s store mannequin

The Jolly Green Giant was excused from the jury pool early on when his past associations with Jackson came to light.

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