TANcast

Blog2ober
Day 30

I’m actually a big horror wuss. I never liked to be scared, especially as a kid. I think it took 5 visits to Disneyland before I would open my eyes during the “hell” section of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. As such, I’ve manage to miss a lot of the classics of horror. When people stand around talking horror movies, as they tend to do this tie of year, I often chime in with, “I never saw that.” Then I get the pleasure of watching people look at me as if I just took a wiz in their Halloween candy. The reactions only get worse when I offer up a movie I have seen. So basically this is an opposite version of Doug Benson’s “Watch This, Not That.” …horror edition!

5. I’ve never seen: Halloween (1978)

Despite the fact that the killer is wearig Captain Kirk’s face, I’ve never seen any of this horror classic…except the parts they show in the movie Scream.

Yet somehow I HAVE seen: Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

I was working at a movie theater that was showing it and we all stayed late to watch it the night before it opened. I think because the name was so stupid, I felt it couldn’t be that scary. I don’t remember a thing about it except that [spoilers] L.L. Cool J. lives…which annoyed me at the time.
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Blog2ober
Day 29

A comic friend of mine posted a link to an Anti-Obama group on Facebook. It was chalk full of great images like the one above. But the insane images were only the tip of the crazy iceberg. It’s the comments that really let you know the kind of people you’re dealing with…

I’m tired of you Obama zombie IDIOTS that think he has ANYTHING good to offer America!!!! He is a Muslim and a Socialist!!!!!!! FACT!!!!!!!!!!!! If you don’t agree, SUCK IT!!!

I mean, clearly that person is ready to start a reasoned debate on how best to address our nation’s many complex issues. The problem is, this is what the people on the left think you all believe. These cartoonish nut bars are acting as your spokesmen. Not becasue they represent you well, but just because they’re loud and constant.

So here’s my question…where is this on the other side? I assume right wing folk must see a caricature of what the left thinks and be appalled by it. I want to see that. I want to know what the left is bringing to the crazy table. I imagine there’s some left wing crazies out there, but they’re really going to have to up thier game if they want to compete with the likes of…

By the next election, we’ll live in Amerika. It’ll be too late to change things. Our guns will be taken away…..Our military could have saved our country, but they refused. They still could, but it’s pretty much been taken over by the Muslims & Satanists. SOON Jesus will call His bride out, then He’s going to pout out His wrath on this evil, unrepentant world.

Blog2ober
Day 28

It’s time once again for America’s FAVORITE game…

That’s right, “Who’s the Douche?” The game where we show you an actual exchange on the internet and you decide who the bigger douche bag is.

Returning champion Tim Babb is back to play again this time against new Possible Douche: Orange U. Gladshesnotyourfriend. The douchery starts when their mutual friend posts this on his Facebook page:

A fun, harmless riddle that’s been going around Facebook. How could this take a trip to Douche City? Our challenger steps in…

Wow! For an amateur, she’s showing the douche skills of a seasoned D-bag! She was told not to comment with an answer and she did it anyway. Massive douche points right off the bat. How will Tim answer this challenge? Read the rest of this entry »

Blog2ober
Day 27

My car died this morning. I left my dome light on all night and for some reason, my car battery didn’t like that. Add to that, my wife wasn’t home and I had to get to work. But this blog isn’t a pity party for me. I got a cab and when I came home, I jumped my car with my wife’s car. So I was fine. But then my mind started to wander…

As you know, after you jump your car, you need to drive your car around for a while. (Recharges the battery, I guess…I don’t know cars or science). As I was driving around I wondered if anyone every jumped their car, started driving, and then hit someone. I feel like it had to have happened. But did they stop? Or did they keep on driving because they didn’t want their car to die? Now you’ve got a hit and run on your record all because you left your headlights on.

Or I wonder if anyone ever jumped their car, started driving, and then immediately got a flat tire. That has to be a top 10 suck day (In the first world, at least).

Basically I like to fantasize about worst case scenarios that aren’t happening to me so I feel better about my little problems. It’s a wacky system, but it works 🙂

This week, the boys discuss dressing up for Halloween at work, Noah’s birthday, diabolical Kids, and Tim learns something new about Facebook.

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.

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Blog2ober
Day 26

So far this month, I’ve shared a lot of embarrassing letters I’ve written. So today I’m going to share an embarrassing letter someone wrote to me. It’s not embarrassing in the same way, the person who wrote it won’t cringe, but it does shine a spotlight on what a little weiner I was back in the day.

This letter is from a lady I had a huge crush on. At the time I thought everybody but her could see it. In retrospect, she probably did see it, was flattered by the attention, but didn’t feel the same. Amazingly, I’ve actually found myself in that position since then…so I know there’s no graceful way out…but THIS is a card she sent me on Valentine’s Day:

Friends

Yes…she put “Friends” in bold letters at the top. As in, “Take. A. Hint.”

Tim, a true friend
I am not sure what to say

Because, “Forget any hopes you have of ever seeing me naked,” seems a little harsh for Valentine’s Day.

A reminder of who you are to me
You fill my life with glee
With smiles and laughter of true bliss
It is our friendship kiss

Aw, c’mon! Don’t use the word “kiss” in this little note. You KNOW young Tim didn’t see anything else but that right? He probably didn’t even notice that you started rhyming suddenly and will stop rhyming just as suddenly…

Thank you for the wonderful person you are to me. Like I said before, you were there when I needed someone. I hope one day I can return the same kind of friendship to you.

“She totally wants to kiss me” -Young Tim

This story has a nice ending, though. I noticed it was sent on February 12, 2001. A little over a month later, I would have my first kiss with the woman who is now my lovely wife.

So to any of the young guys reading this trapped in your own private friend-zone hell…don’t give up hope. You WILL be free. “Never give up. Never surrender!”

Blog2ober
Day 25

Looking in my Facebook feed today, I saw that someone posted that a judge ruled that the 9/11 museum can include World Trade Center cross. Using my new critical brain from yesterday, I thought to myself, “NO one REALLY could have opposed that, could they? Let me do some googling.”

Sure enough, a group of atheists sued to stop them from including the cross in the museum. They failed, but they’re not giving up. But they should, they really should.

I’m not one to argue for shoving religion down anyone’s throat and I’m a pretty firm believer in separation of church and state…but this is nucking futs!

I could understand if they just slapped a random cross in the museum and put up a plaque that said, Yay Jesus!” But that’s not what this is. This is a piece of the building that was destroyed. What could be more appropriate for a museum about the events of that day than a piece of one of the buildings? Yes, it is in the shape of a cross. You get to decide if that’s meaningful to you or not. You DON’T get to decide to expunge it from the museum because you don’t believe it’s meaningful. This is the kind of stupidity that Christian nut jobs are paranoid about…and you’re DOING it*! Don’t make them right! Now they’re going to believe ALL of their crazy atheist attack fantasies.

Next time I see one of you, I’m oing to wish you “merry Christmas”…even if it’s July. Just out of spite. (The way Jesus would have wanted)

*(That was not the good kind of “You’re doin’ it.” It was the you’re doing it wrong kind)

Blog2ober
Day 24

I posted this picture on Facebook a few hours ago…

It’s from a Facebok page called “Shares From Your Aunt” that posts saterical images like that that LOOK like something a “crazy aunt” would share on Facebook.

I didn’t know that was where it was from I just saw the image and thought, “Which one of my idiot ‘friends’ thinks this is real?” Then I looked at the comments and realized it was a joke. So, of course I decided to troll all my friends with it and I got a few of ’em… Read the rest of this entry »

Blog2ober
Day 23

As Dean pointed out, “Blog2ober” has turned into aloof “look at Tim failing.” So I thought today’s blog could be about A) something positive and B) something Halloween related. And what’s more positive than candy?! It’s delicious, right? So let’s take a look at the 5 best candies.

5. M&M’s

Cat decide between Plain, Peanut or Peanut butter…but they are a solid go-to treat when you’re got a sweet tooth Read the rest of this entry »

Blog2ober
Day 22

For those who don’t know, there’s a comedy website called cracked.com that runs a Photoshop contests every week. They give a funny prompt and people submit different images that fit that prompt. Cracked chooses the best ones and puts them in an article on their website. The best one wins money. I have entered many of these contests. I have often been featured in the articles and even won the money a handful of times. However, way MORE of my stuff has been rejected. I like to share some of my rejected entries with you good folk who read my blog. I used to post this type of blog a lot, but for some reason I stopped. So that means there are a lot of contest entries from many different contests that have yet to be enjoyed by anyone except the Cracked judges. (Who clearly DIDN’T enjoy them, hence they were rejected)

So I thought I’d rummage through the archives and find some of my entries that weren’t funny enough for Cracked, but are just fine for the low, low standards of TANcast.com

Kickass Reboots of Lame Characters

Yeah, that’s that twerp Tim from Jurassic Park. But now he’ll twerp you in the FACE!!!
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