TANcast

A long while ago, someone got me a “children’s book” by Jerry Seinfeld.

Available wherever people are still selling books

I put “children’s book” in quotes because it’s really just a bit from his act turned SUPER G-rated and illustrated. Not that it’s less cool because of this, I just didn’t want to make it sound like Jerry Seinfeld woke up one day and wrote a kids’ book.

So the other day I decide to read this book to my child since it’s almost Halloween. A lot of the jokes are probably over his head and some of the references he will NEVER get (when was the last time they sold those loose rubber costumes with the cheap plastic masks?) …but he loved it. I’m no expert on such things, but it might be the recurring theme of candy in the story.

We read it through a couple times and at one point my son asks me about the person who wrote the story. So I was trying to explain Jerry Seinfeld to my 3 year-old and without thinking I said, “He gets on a stage and makes people laugh just like daddy does.” At that point, I was really glad my kid was only 3…so he couldn’t call me out on what a stretch THAT was. I mean, yes that’s technically true…but I don’t want you to think I harbor any delusions of being “just like” Jerry Seinfeld.

Here’s the thing, the book also comes with a CD of Seinfeld performing the book version of this bit…

So I played that for my son, and he said he’d rather I read it.

Yeah, that’s right…my son thinks I’m funnier than Jerry Seinfeld. BOOYAH!!! (Yeah, I know he’s biased…and 3…but on the other hand, shut up!)

I don’t know what it is about the people who group candy together for those Halloween grab bags, but most of the suck. They can’t ever get the mix right. It’s a group of good candies spoiled by one that no one wants and when the trick or treaters are gone, you can count on a whole bowl of the crappy candy left behind. Yeah, they took all the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Kit Kats, and Hershey bars…and they left you with a bunch of “fun” sized Twizzlers. (Side note: F*** Twizzlers forever)

I mean really, what business do Gobstoppers have in a bag with Butterfingers, Nestle Crunch, and Twix? Get ’em Outta there! And you can just hold those Hershey White Chocolate monstrosities as well.

Well, tonight I went to the store for something completely else and stumbled upon this:

Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! Kit Kat’s and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups go together like Riggs and Murtaugh…like Jay ans Silent Bob…like Tim and out of date movie references. They don’t need anybody else. Just two candy buddies broin’ out and having their own party.

Take a lesson, other candies. Just partner up with one good buddy and be done with it. Don’t pity invite the loser kid to your party…because he’ll show. Trust me, Whoppers did NOT have any other plans tonight.

This week, Andy wins some money, Noah has a birthday, and Tim can’t steer the ship! Plus, it’s the final match up in the preliminary round of the Worst. Movie. Ever Tournament as Blood Glacier goes up against Santa Claus Conqueror the Martians.

00:00 – 02:00 Intro
02:20 – 16:12 Andy Wins Money
16:12 – 27:02 TANlaughs (Listener submitted jokes)
27:02 – 37:42 How the F*** Was Everyone’s Week?
37:42 – 41:21 TANflix (Movie Reviews: Bad Words)
41:21 – 62:48 Worst. Movie. Ever. Tournament
62:48 – 66:50 Wrap Up
66:50 – 67:52 ?????

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts but is NOT a representation of the stand up act of Tim Babb. Listener discretion is advised.
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We were recording a new show this morning, and while Noah and Andy kept trying to drag things off topic (which they did several times) the mentioned the song Bubblegoose by Wyclef Jean.

I didn’t remember the reference at first, but when I was editing the show, I remembered it was featured on South Park back in the day…

I’m not sure they meant this version, but I used to love that CD. I have no idea where it is now. That kinda bums me out, but thank the good lord for YouTube and those who are willing to break copyright laws so the rest of us don’t have to get off our butts and look for the CDs we’ve lost. You’re all American heroes!

Before I get to the story of how I found out about the Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer, lets just watch it again, shall we?

So excited about this movie. I think I could watch that trailer everyday until the novie comes out. But here’s how I found out that the trailer was online Read the rest of this entry »

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have seen this post early this morning:

Holy crap! I think I pulled a muscle in my neck swearing at traffic. #ImSoDamnOld

— TimBabbComedian (@TimBabbComedian) October 24, 2014

Let me tell you, friends, I was not joking. That happened on the drive t work this morning and my neck still hurts and it’s almost midnight. All I did was scream and all of a sudden my neck seized up on the right side. I think the slow driver in front of me must have been into witch craft or something. Now, when I want to turn my head I have to do the bat turn…

Your pal Tim is falling apart in front of your eyes. Save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I am old! I am a sad, old man.

On Saturday I participated in the Bay Area Buddy Walk in San Jose to raise money to aid the National Down Syndrome Society. It was a fun day out with my family and we raised some money for a good cause.

See? Tim is not a 100% jerk-face

However, that was almost 5 days ago. My back still hurts. Like a lot. Like if I turn my head too fast I wincing in pain hurts. It’s not like the Buddy Walk was 15 miles or something. It was maybe a quarter mile.

What happened to my once magnificent body? Ok…”magnificent” might be strong, but at least adequate. Now I’m just a pile of failure wrapped in a skin bag. Don’t be like me kids. Save yourselves. Stop reading this and go for a jog or something. Or whatever these kids do to stay in shape.

Now if you’ll excuse me, leaning over to type is hurting my already sore back.

…ow!!!

For some reason, Curious George is a beloved series of books that has been around forever. Despite the fact that his first adventure begins with him being kidnapped from Africa and brought forcibly to America, parents seem to love to share these tales with their kids.

But really, every Curious George story has the same horrible moral. Here is a handy flowchart for nearly every Curious George book. (This also applies to the tv show)

There’s your moral kids, do what you want. There is no consequences. This seems to be a running theme in kids books.

…and people wonder why I don’t read.

This is my kitchen window right now…
This is what my kitchen window looks right now

Festive, right? Are you wondering why I’ve put up such multicolored lights for Halloween?

No…you know those lights have been up since Christmas. That’s how I roll.