TANcast

One day at work, I fell into a hole in the Internet.  My memory of all time before that is hazy and indistinct, like a dream soon to fade at the morning. It was as if bash.org’s Quote Database was all there had ever been of my real life, and the rest was just an idiot’s scrawl on a bathroom stall.

I tried to blog about this phenomenon at the time, but could not claw my way back to the murky void of The Real long enough to give a full accounting of it.

I don’t think I accomplished much that day, other than spastic laughter held barely in check by the back of my knuckles and grim looks from management. I didn’t dare climb back in afterward; I had lost enough of my life and I could only just recollect having a childhood somewhere where the text was not perennially fixed-width.

Six months later I lost my job and tried to write this all up again. I loaded the site, read this, and promptly lost another day. In my head, bloodninja/eminemBNJA is 100% serious and earnest. It is significantly funnier that way.

You can also find there a joke that I ganked for our latest TANcast, if you cared to do so.

Beware, though: If your taste in humor treads the same razor’s edge of geeky, lowbrow, highbrow, dickish, conceptual, offbeat stupidity that mine does, expect to lose yourself as well.

This is the first in what will become a series of posts: Stupid recipes you’ll probably never need or want but which Andy either finds delicious or made up to feel clever.

For the initial entry, a classic from my childhood…

Cottage Cheese, Yogurt, and Applesauce

1. Procure a jar of applesauce. Any brand and style will do, though I find the best to be the finely-pureed variety without skins or added flavor (cinnamon, etc.).
2. Procure a tub of cottage cheese. Again, any brand, style, and degree of health-consciousness will do. It’s my understanding that small-curd is tangier than the large-curd type, but I usually go by desired texture. Arachnid and footstool are optional.
3. Procure some yogurt of the fruit-in or fruit-on-the-bottom variety. Any fruit will do. I typically prefer raspberry, blackberry, or boysenberry.
4. Combine cottage cheese, yogurt, an applesauce in approximately equal amounts in a bowl of suitable volume (2-3 cups or ~0.5 L).
5. Stir until well-mixed.
6. Find an unoccupied, private space.
7. Enjoy your delicious treat without asshole roommates happening by and comparing its appearance to a drunken sorority girl’s vomit.

I’m sure Tim will attest to the fact that I have, in fact, eaten this concoction in his presence, and that he was thoroughly disgusted by my doing so. I hope that you either enjoy this or else shake your head and wonder at the evil of it.

There will be more stupid recipes to come…

This week starts off with a return to hating on the Octuplets Lady and monkeys, Andy and Noah talk more about their iPhones, Tim tells of his bad luck in Vegas, the perils of private porn perusal are pondered, f*** my life brings demented joy, LeVar Burton and Michael Ian Black declare war via Twitter, Obama talks to joint session of congress and TANcast gives their in-depth analysis, the TANboys marvel at some dedicated “creative people,” the boys talk Princess Diaries, Fanboys, Watchmen, and Dark Knight in IMAX, then they analyze the 80’s cartoon phenomenon that was M.A.S.K., and finally the economy takes it’s toll on some more businesses.

http://podcastalley.com/podcast_details.php?pod_id=67598

This week’s TANlaughs were courtesy of Nick and Tony
Send your jokes for TANlaughs to: Andy (at) TANcast.com

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts. Listener discretion is advised.

Read the rest of this entry »

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Hey gang! As you’ll eventually hear when I get this week’s episode up, I have come down with some sort of ailment with symptoms both unenjoyable and somewhat comical. (Which is also a good description of TANcast as a whole)

Anyway, I haven’t had a chance to edit this weeks episode yet so I am starting at this very second. Sorry for the delay. I’ll get it up as soon as I can (tee hee “get it up”)

… but how sick are you?

As promised in the last TANcast, I have here for your viewing pleasure a funny little video from CollegeHumor about the one kind of porn you can’t find online.  The video is funny, but the real treat is playing a “Where’s Waldo?” -esque game of trying to spot all the porn references the song makes.

Lets call this version “Where’s Dildo?”

Wear your sicko badge (or badger, you twisted freak) with honor and leave a comment on how many you picked out.  I’ll say this much: I think I caught enough that I should be worried.  The Internet is for Porn, as they say, but I may have spent too much time jacked in.

I’ve hidden the video after the break so that you have to click through.  Be forewarned: it is not graphic, but it is suggestive enough to be NSFW.

Read the rest of this entry »

This week’s episode is sponsored by episode 22 of Tim Babb’s Kingdom Comedy on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96GjdbKlOHU

This episode the TANcrew creates a new superhero, Andy battles mother nature, Noah and Andy give Tim crap anonymously, and you’ll find out why you shouldn’t mess with chimps, tigers, donkeys, or magnets.

Then the boys critique some recent SModcasts, give Kevin Smith some unwelcome and unneeded advice, talk taxes, talk cars, talk about the dangers of China, they show some love for posters on TANcast.com, and they end things by showing some hate for DirecTV, Comcast, & Time Warner Cable.

http://podcastalley.com/podcast_details.php?pod_id=67598

This week’s TANlaughs were courtesy of Nick and Anonymous
Send your jokes for TANlaughs to: Andy (at) TANcast.com

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts. Listener discretion is advised.

Read the rest of this entry »

So I was at a comedy show recently, and a few comics came in and bumped a bunch of us back. It was only by about 20 minutes or so and I still got on and got out of there at a reasonable hour…so it wasn’t the end of the world. But I was kind of annoyed because it wasn’t like Dave Chappelle, Dane Cook, and Brian Reagan walked in. It was 3 comics who if I said their names you wouldn’t have heard of them. Not saying they weren’t funny (in fact one of them is one of my favorite comics in LA…but more on that later) I’m just saying they weren’t “stars.” It was a little annoying to be bumped for “non-celebrities.” But whatever…it’s just a reminder that I am a very small fish in a very large pond. But apparently another comic didn’t take it so well…

Read the rest of this entry »

Ok…so a comedian I’ve never met from Texas just e-mailed me…er…excuse me…SPAM’ed me about getting free tickets to his show.

As we discussed on TANcast 34, I hate this. When I send out e-mails, I send them to people I actually think would enjoy the show. I don’t just blindly e-mail everyone on my list and it annoys me that other comics aren’t as considerate.

But this douche isn’t even one of my friends! I’ve never met him. I’ve never seen him. Fuck him!

So I want to send this e-mail in response, but I’m worried it might be too harsh:

Really dude? I’m a comedian. It’s right there in my name…”Tim Babb Comedian.”

How often do you go see comedians you never met just because they message you? I’ll bet not very often. I bet you’re busy working on your own shows.

I’m doing the same thing…but I don’t invite comedians to my shows unless I can get them stage time. So did you send me this because you can get me a guest set at one of your shows or are you just a tool sending out mass e-mails to comedians?

Why do I have a feeling I know the answer?

Thoughts?

There is someone I used to know who has looked me up on a social network site and wants to add me as a friend.  While we were friendly, I wouldn’t characterize us as having been friends; it would be more fair to call us “amicable associates”.

The real rub, Zombie Ann, is that I sometimes talk about actual personal stuff on this social network; the sort of stuff that I wouldn’t talk about in public, with “work buddies” who aren’t also “actual friends”, or with friends-of-friends.  As such, I don’t feel comfortable accepting this friend request and letting this person into my private affairs.  On the other hand, this person is quite nice, was always friendly, and may feel insulted or snubbed if I reject/ignore the friend request.

What should I do?

Sincerely,

Friendly Friend of a Friendly Friend

This Valentine’s Day episode is sponsored by the premier Valentine’s Day issue of Kougar Magazine featuring TANcast’s own Tim Babb as the featured comedian. Check it out now at KougarMagazine.com

In this Valentine’s Day show full of hate, the TANboys hate on the woman who just had 8 babies, Noah tells a confusing stripper story, the boys ponder the practice of tipping, and nothing says “Valentine’s Day” like a discussion of angry poop!

Then Noah captures the stealthiness of the US Post Office, Tim tells a horror story of stand-up comedy, the boys talk of fossilized babies, signing things with a penis, Tim gets taken out so Andy takes the opportunity to talk Linux, Noah farts so loud and clear you can smell it, Noah and Andy muse about the strangeness of dogs, the boys talk about their Valentine’s plans, Noah and Andy spoil Lost, and the show ends with a Requiem for a TANcast!

http://podcastalley.com/podcast_details.php?pod_id=67598

One of this week’s TANlaugh (which we EVENTUALLY get to) was courtesy of Mike
Send your jokes for TANlaughs to: Andy (at) TANcast.com

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

[CONTENT WARNING] TANcast features mature language and immature hosts. Listener discretion is advised.

Read the rest of this entry »