As long as I am creating religions, I figured I should start making up new holidays. If you follow me on Twitter then you already know that starting December 14, which is now the Twelfth Day of Reverse-Christmas, I began stealing an increasing number of random items from my true love.

On this, the Twelfth Day of (Actual) Christmas (a.k.a. Epiphany), I’ll record for the ages what I took:

On the Twelfth Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady a Snickers bar left over from Halloween.

On the Eleventh Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady two unmatched socks and a Snickers bar left over from Halloween.

On the Tenth Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady three hairs from her brush, two unmatched socks, etc.

On the Ninth Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady four pairs of chones, three hairs from her brush, etc., etc.

On the Eighth Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady five Kellogg’s Corn Pops, four pairs of chones, etc., etc., etc.

On the Seventh Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady six hours of her life, five Kellogg’s Corn Pops, etc., etc., etc., etc.

On the Sixth Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady seven AA batteries, six hours of her life, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.

On the Fifth Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady eight chocolate sprinkles, seven AA batteries, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.

On the Fourth Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady nine Belated Christmas cards, eight chocolate sprinkles, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.

On the Third Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady ten toenail clippings, nine Belated Christmas cards, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.

On the Second Day of Reverse-Christmas I took from my old lady eleven blank CDs, ten toenail clippings, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.

On the First Day of Reverse-Christmas (a.k.a.: Christmas) I took from my old lady twelve anatomically correct gingerbread men, eleven blank CDs, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc.

I now have a metaphorical ton of AA batteries, which is not to be confused with a metric ton(ne). I plan to use them to power the robot I made from the rest of that shit. I’m also keeping the 42 hours of her life, since I may need it in 20-30 years.

Only 342(-ish?) days left to decide what you will steal from your true love next Reverse-Christmas, so you best get cracking!

Feel free to use the comments to exchange Reverse-Christmas plans, recipes (they should involve picking food apart), etc.