Three guys, no cups…


I was a Teenage Moron – Bad Poetry

July 19th, 2009 . by Tim Babb (TANcast's #1 Host/Editor Fan)

Below is a poem I wrote back in high school. It is amazingly lame. It is so bad that it is now funny. I share it with you all so you can know that I was not always the swave, smooth word-smith that you all know and love…..yeah I actually used to be WORSE! I used to be this guy…

And now…”The Beautiful Angel Hol-ly (Holly)”

I remember the time I saw her first
It was the fall of ’91.
That was when she stole my heart
And my Feelings for her begun

It was early morning in the library
When I looked across the room and did see
The most wonderful girl in the world
The beautiful angel Holly.

Her beauty was unmatched by any.
Imperfections and flaws she had none.
Her flowing blonde hair, her sparkling eyes
Admired by everyone.

She was exceptionally beautiful
I knew this to be true.
But I wanted to know, if the person inside
Could be that beautiful, too.

But alas when I tried to talk to her
I tripped over my words.
So the person here inside of me
Was not the person she heard.

A year rolls by as I stay back
Admiring her from afar.
Now, forced only to imagine
What a wonderful person you are.

But finally in the fall of the next year
There came a break in the weather
Because now sweet Holly and I
Have a whole class together

Now finally we talk together
And I find she’s different from all other girls
She’s smart, she’s witty, she’s charming and thoughtful
With an insight that’s out of this world

I find myself falling for Holly
And ready for love to begin
But I realize much to my dismay
I must have messed up again

I’m the kind of person who usually hides
Behind a joke a smile or wise crack.
So when I sent her all of my love
She thought it a joke, and she sent it back.

“Oh Holly, can’t you see I’m not joking?”
I wanted to say to her face.
But, fearing another rejection
I ran away in disgrace.

Soon I gain popularity
And friends all through the school
But the girl that I love still thinks me a friend
Why must the fates be so cruel?

My friends tell me to forget her
To try and find somebody new
Two other girls I date but it’s no use
My love for Holly is true.

I want to reach out to Holly again.
To try and explain how I feel
I have to be sure she knows I’m not joking
So she knows this time it’s for real.

I set out to pour out my soul to her
But wait, other men I see
They’re swarming around her just because she’s pretty
They don’t really love her like me.

“Go away!! Can’t you see I love her?!”
Is what I wanted to shout.
But perhaps it’s time I faced the fact
That love’s one thing I must live without.
So I go back into the shadows
Admiring her from afar.
Once again using jokes and smiles and laughs
To cover my broken heart.

But never will I give up hoping
That someday she will love me.
And I’ll be together forever
With the beautiful angel, Holly.

And there you have it…pure crap. The meter is all over the map. The person I’m addressing changes three times. The punctuation is wrong. In one sentence I say I’m giving up but three lines later I say I’ll never give up.

I remember I read this poem to a younger friend of mine and she LAUGHED HER ASS OFF! She was 13 at the time and knew this was a gay ass poem.

I just feel sad for my 16 year old self…if he knew that we were all here in the future reading this and mocking his lameness, he would be crushed. Perhaps he would be consoled by the fact that he now has a really hot wife who doesn’t seem to mind his outrageous lameness. I think that would make him quite happy. Too bad he was such a sad sack.

6 Responses to “I was a Teenage Moron – Bad Poetry”

  1. TeresaNo Gravatar Says:

    Aw, don’t be so hard on young Tim. It’s not as bad as you think it is. It’s really sweet too.

  2. Mike (TANcast's #1 Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    Don’t feel too bad, Tim. Go looking through my blog on MySpace, you’ll see I’ve written my fair share of crap. Some people like it, but I think it’s crap. I think we all did this at one point. Although, setting aside the crap level of the poem, the actual feeling behind it is something I can somewhat relate to.

  3. Bryce (Tancasts #3 Fan)No Gravatar Says:

    So…..you’re THAT guy.

  4. Gino (TANcast's #1 fan in the Military)No Gravatar Says:

    I’d like to qoute Zangief from Street Fighter the Movie
    “That was beautiful”

  5. MattNo Gravatar Says:

    yea i can just picture you trying to woo a lady with that hairdo and in that shirt. it would have been priceless to see you in school trying to work your charm.

  6. Melanie ("The Princess")No Gravatar Says:

    Boy – I’ll put this really nicely: You’ve grown a lot as a wordsmith. And everyone who’s ever gone to one of your shows is glad…

    But since you were only 16, don’t be too hard on yourself – really. Everyone was crap at 16. Except maybe Tiger Woods and Doogie Howser.

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