…shouldn’t be able to look at other people’s MySpace profiles.

For the uninitiated, this is my most popular blog on MySpace. So much so that I had updated it 6 times. Well, today I went to update it a 7th time and MySpace kept screwing up…so it moves here to TANcast in it’s entirety (including the 7th update)! Enjoy!

Listen, I’m sorry you’re hiding from some guy you shot down in a bar last week, but why should you get to look it me and me not get to look at you? What makes you so damn special?!

And also…if your profile picture looks like this…

How private are you, really? Those are your boobs, lady! If you’re trying to remain anonymous and avoid attracting attention…perhaps shoving your ta-tas all up in the camera may not be the best solution.

And that goes for you smart asses who just make your pictures private. Don’t post pictures on line if you don’t want people to see them. They’ve got a place for you to store your private pictures…it’s called the photo album in your closet, turd burgler!

UPDATE 1…
Why do people with private profiles fill out the “Who I’d like to meet” section?! One of my private friends has this in that section:

“Anyone and Everyone…. No one can really piss me off (unless you are just THAT stupid) so as long as your a cool, chill, kick ass person we are good.”

Well you can’t meet anyone and everyone if NOONE can see your profile! They can’t even read that section of text. And if you’re so anxious to meet everyone…why is your profile private?! You’re killin’ me…killin’ me!!!

UPDATE 2
Okay I happened upon another gal who should not have a private profile…

Yeah…that’s her main pic…spread eagle with the soggy flap jacks barely contained in that bikini…which might not be so bad on it’s own but her headline reads,

“Voluptuous Hardcore Milf”

Yeah…I can see how you’re really trying to fly under the radar you stealth little miwlf. Either you’re an attention whore or you’re not…pick a side…we’re at war!

UPDATE 3…
Okay…what could be worse than a private profile with your breasts in the camera or spread eagle in a bikini? How about this…

Yup that’s a private provile pic and she’s naked. C’mon lady, you’re f@$ing NAKED!!! How private do you really want to be when I’m an inch and a half from seeing your friggin nipple?!

“Hey everybody I just took all my clothes off…for God’s sake don’t look at me…I’m a private nudist!”

And don’t think I didn’t notice you’re out of toilet paper! Now go put some clothes on or take your profile off private!

Update 4…

The women (and I’m sorry that these examples are all women) who are trying to have it both ways continues…

“What profile picture should get the least amount of attention from sickos scouring MySpace for skanks? Hmmm I know! I’ll wrap duct tape around my hooters and take a shot of it! Brilliant. Why would a thumblnail of exposed breasts grab anyone’s attention? But I just don’t know if that’s enough….just to be sure I’m going to make my profile name: ’F*** My P**** [With YOUR Tongue]’

Yes! That’ll do it. At last, I can be left alone. Wait…just to be sure I’m make my MySace URL ’http://www.myspace.com/lovetolickurc***’ Yes! Love to Lick Your C***! That just REEKS of a private individual who wants only solitude on the internet.”

WHAT THE HELL?!!! Why is your profile private? You just want to be a whore for your closest friends? Your boobs are wrapped in tape! TAPE!

Update 5…

Alright just look at this:

Yeah…it’s another “private profile,” but in case your eyes are bad let me point out that not only is she not wearing any pants, skirt, underwear or class…she’s got her hands all shoved in her crack! Lady are you telling me your prepping to pinch a loaf in your profile picture?! But heaven forbid anyone see it?! I shudder to think what other photos are in your collection that need to be kept private…are you fisting a yeti?!

Even the Flapjacks lady from update 2 is embarrassed by your shamelessness hypocrisy.

Now either put some pants on or put your smell on private too!

Update 6…

Okay a lot of people keep asking me why I go trolling for these private profiles…I swear I don’t. I’m just doing my business on-line connecting with friends, fellow comics, etc and I’ll look at their stable of friends. That’s when a photo like this will leap out at me…

C’mon…that’s not gonna peak your curiosity? Over 50% of her profile photo is breasts!!! I mostly clicked on it to see if they were an optical illusion or something. It looks like a Rick Baker special effect.

Are you telling me you’re not the least bit interested in the back story on Boobzilla up there?! Well if you are, tough titties (pun intended). Her profile is private. Now you’ll never solve the mystery of the ginormous milk sacks. Why is she staring at them? Did she drop a bagel down there? Is Ossama hiding in there? These questions will now never be answered…thanks alot, Wonder Jugs!

Update 7…

Just when I thought I was done with this blog, my friend Angela found this for me…

This one angers me on a whole different level. I’m not really mad that her profile is private…no, really. This is not a profile I should have full access to.

Because I’m a full grown adult and she is obviously 15!!! Are you kidding me?! I don’t care if her profile lists her age as 22. Bull$!+!!! I’ll bet jail bait up there doesn’t even have her drivers permit yet!

Put that cell phone with tinkerbell’s glittery diarrhea all over it down and go put on a shirt! Then finish your homework and clean your room. …and GET OFF MY LAWN!!!! (oy, I’m getting old)

Thank you I feel better.