I had a friend post the following in her Facebook feed:

At first I got all those warm feelings a parent is supposed to get when he sees a list like this. But then I thought, this list could use a critique and I need a blog post…win/win!

Be there.
If you need this advice, you will not heed this advice.

Say yes as often as you can.
What the **** does that mean? The only way to love a child is to give them whatever they want? That’s a great recipe to have a crappy child and an even crappier adult.

Or perhaps they just want us to say the word “yes” as often as you can pausing only to eat, sleep, and breathe? How does that love a child?

Let them bang on pots and pans.
That’s a valid point, kids need to have fun…but lets put a time limit on that. Kids will bang on the pots until they fall over from exhaustion. Meanwhile everyone else in the house is going nuts. “I…Can’t…hear…my own…thoughts!!!”

If they’re crabby put them in water.
Is…is this s serious solution? 9 times out of 10, a kid’s crabbiness will not be solved by water. It’s a child, not a bouillon cube. Or are they suggesting we attempt to drown the kids when they act up. Either way, this one is crap.

Read books out loud with joy.
It always starts out with joy. But after your 5th consecutive read through of “Curious George F***s Up But Avoids Responsibility,” the joy will disappear faster than a plot thread in a Transformers movie.

Go find elephants and kiss them.
What? Wait…WHAT?! Why would we do that? Why would anyone do that? An elephant doesn’t want your kiss. An elephant will squash you. Plus, I don’t appreciate the right leaning political slant this sentence adds. Hey Sark, why not kiss a donkey? Yeah…you should. (Tee hee…technically, I just told the person who wrote this to kiss my ass)

Encourage silly.
This…actually this is a good one. I’ve got no snark for this one.

Giggle alot.
“A lot” is two words, but I’m hardly one to check people’s grammar.

Remember how really small they are.
Is…is this a problem? Are parents forgetting how tall their kids are?

“Hey son, I got you these new pants. What? You’re NOT 6’3”? Well crap. What was I thinking?”

Search out the positive.
Another good piece of advice. That makes two.

Keep the gleam in your eye.
Let’s see you try that on 3 hours sleep, chuckles.

Go see a movie in your pajamas.
Wait a minute…did Gregory Godek write this list?

Teach feelings.
Huh? Is my kid a robot? He will know what feelings are. I mean I guess I taught him the words for his feelings but he did the rest on his own. I didn’t have to teach him how to be happy or how to be sad. Although if I want to teach him how to be confused, I’ll just show him this list #SickBurn

Realize how important it is to be a child.
This sounds good on the surface, but just realizing it does nothing by itself, does it?

Plan to build a rocketship
I don’t take orders from you. My kid wants to build a garbage truck, not a rocket ship. You got a problem with that?!

Stop yelling.
Yeah…meek, quiet parents always have the best behaved kids. (I literally stopped writing this blog a moment ago to yell at my kid. Now he’s stopped doing the thing he wasn’t supposed to be doing.)

Invent pleasures together.
I…I don’t even know what that means. Are we making drugs now? That seems irresponsible.

Surprise them.
…but just remember it can go wrong in a hurry

Express your love.
Yes! Three worthwhile sentences out of this whole thing. Totally worth it!

A lot.
And you DO know that “a lot” is two words. You’re making progress already

And now the Babb version…

You’re welcome!