It’s around 1am as I write this blog on my iPad…while laying in bed.

You know how you always get your best ideas in the middle of the night? Then you have to either try and remember them the next day (which never works) or get your tired hiney out of bed and write it down.

Well I was hoping to capture some genius bit of inspiration while laying here awaiting the warm embrace of slumber. So far, nothing. But I can’t leave you with a blog complaining I have nothing to blog about, so here’s an article I saw that annoyed me.

If you don’t want to click through, it’s called, “Apparently California Doesn’t Want Dads Changing Diapers.” Here’s how it starts…

Last week a woman gained national attention for changing her 16-month-old’s diaper on a dining table at a Chipotle restaurant. She would have used a changing table, you guys, but they didn’t have any and her burrito was getting cold.

Wonderful snarky comment, but doesn’t seem to have much to do with the title of the article. Jumping to the third paragraph, we will find that is still the case.

This isn’t the first time a public diaper disaster made national news. Last August, a Texas woman was booted from a pizzeria for changing her baby’s diaper on a chair in the middle of the restaurant…

Ok first of all, “diaper disaster” is strong. There is a risk of spillage when changing, but if your smearing poop all over the table when your changing a diaper, you’re doing it wrong. Second of all, both these stories involve women, not men. Also, neither took place in California. What does this have to do with the title of this dumb article?!

If you’re wondering why we haven’t heard stories of dads defusing diaper bombs on bleachers or restaurant tabletops, rest assured, it’s only a matter of time.

Hey! We finally brought some dads into it. Still not sure how California is involved. But basically we’ve heard two wacky diaper stories and been told dad’s will probably do something similar soon. Maybe this person wrote the article first, then was struck by a fever dream and wrote the title?

California Governor Jerry Brown recently rejected two “potty parity” bills that would have made changing tables as accessible to men as they are to women

Oh snap, five paragraphs in and we finally get to why this article was written. That’s just good journalism. They always told me in college, “Open with as much random blither blather as possible. Then, just when they are about to set fire to the newspaper and tinkle on the ashes, give ’em the facts.”

According to Brown, “At a time when so many have raised concerns about the number of regulations in California, I believe it would be more prudent to leave the matter of diaper changing stations to the private sector.” Mmmkay, how’s that working out for you, dads?

Uh…it’s working just fine, you smarmy turd. Do you think that just because there’s no changing table in the men’s room, we dads just throw the responsibility to mom? No. We handle business. I have never gone to change my son, saw there was no changing table in the men’s room, and then walked out and tossed the kid to my wife. “Sorry babe, that shit is your problem…literally.”

What does Gov. Brown suggest fathers do when mom isn’t around? Endanger public health with a tabletop diaper change? Or would he rather fathers ask a stranger lady for assistance?

Um, you don’t eat at places that don’t have a men’s room changing table, and you make that known. It’s called the free market. You see? This is why republicans mock us. Not EVERY problem needs the government to step in. Asking the California state government to regulate diaper changes is a dangerous step closer to the government wiping your butt for you.

…and next time leave out the random twaddle at the start of your article!