So my wife and I watched the season premier of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. last night. As soon as it was done, I said, “They totally Indiana Jonesed it.”

Oh…before I go any further…

So unless you’re my new BFF Steven, you’ve probably seen the Big Bang Theory episode where the Amy character deconstructs Raiders of the Lost Ark. If not, here it is…

If you don’t feel like watching the clip, the main point is that if Indiana Jones hadn’t gotten involved, the Nazi still would have found the Ark, opened it, and all died.

Agents of SHIELD (I’m done with the damn periods) took it a step further in their premiere. They are trying to stop this bad guy (who can change his molecules into the form of whatever he touches) from stealing this artifact that the Army found not long after Captain America was frozen. The don’t know what it is, but they know it kills people. So they break in to take it, Lucy Lawless touches it, and it grafts to her hand and almost kills her. They end up having to cut her whole hand off to save her. At which point the molecule guy comes over and steals it and gets away. So just like Indy, the outcome would be the same if SHIELD wasn’t involved (Except Lucy Lawless could still play patty cake).

But here’s why it’s worse…if they hadn’t gotten involved, molecule guy would have touched the artifact and he probably would have died (he wouldn’t have had a pal to cut his arm off since he was on his own). So basically, SHIELD actually could have killed the bad guy AND saved the artifact if they’d stayed home and watched Gotham.

So the moral is: Be lazy. Why go out and try and do things? You could be making life worse. Staying home is the safest bet. Be a hero. Sit on the couch.

I had a great idea for a “Slack Hard” shirt that would have gone great with the conclusion to this blog..but I was too lazy to make it happen. So today’s product is a WAY too early Christmas shirt (TANcast style)

Die in a Christmas FIre Tshirt by TANcast