Tim Babb’s April Foolishness

Day 10

Children’s books seem to get a pass on criticism…but I don’t know why. A lot of these books could use a few more rewrites before they hit the shelves. One such book is Froggy Eats Out

My son is obsessed with the “Froggy” series of books. Froggy is kind of like Curios George, except he’s a frog and he’s not so much curious as he is a total screw up. I don’t mean the loveable kinda of screw up like Charlie Brown either. A running theme I’ve noticed in children’s books is main characters who behave poorly and receive little to no consequences for it. That brings us to Froggy Eats Out.

This is the story of a little frog boy named “Froggy.” (The parents really weren’t trying were they? That’d be like I named my kid, “Person.”) Froggy wants to have burgers and flies (Not a typo) for dinner. But Froggy’s parents are taking Froggy to a fancy restaurant because it’s their anniversary. As they enter, Froggy and his mom have this interaction…

(Side note: My son chants that all the time now. I think Froggy is a cover for some kiddy cult.)

Then they sit down…and that’s where the trouble starts. Froggy immediately knocks a water glass off the table. That’s not so bad. It seems like it’s an accident and if that had been the end of Froggy’s screw ups, I wouldn’t be writing this blog. But, of course, I am…so it isn’t. The next few pages are a montage of Froggy behaving badly. He bangs on the table with his spoon, he pulls the petals off the flower centerpiece, and he hits the waiter with a flying spoon. Then he actually starts hopping around the restaurant chanting “Be neat, be quiet, and don’t put your feet on the table!”

If Froggy were you or me, he would be in serious trouble at this point. But Froggy’s father just says, “Please sit down.” That’s it. Well played, daddy frog. That ought to handle it. Until Froggy notices a girl from his class is sitting in the restaurant. He tries to hide under the tablecloth and pulls the entire tablecloth off the table along with all the food and drinks.

So dinner is ruined, the restaurant is a mess and Froggy is covered in spaghetti. Here’s what happens next:

“What a mess!” cried his father.
“Oh Froggy,” said his mother.
Froggy scooped spagetti off his face,
and said, “I know – let’s eat out
at a fast flies place!”

I’m going to stop the action right there. We’re all going to put ourselves in Froggy’s shoes. You’re a kid. You’ve just ruined your parents anniversary dinner. You’ve embarrassed them and cost them money at a fancy restaurant. Then you have the frog sack to actually suggest going to McDonald’s immediately after you’ve just caused all this havoc. I think it’s safe to assume that not only will you NOT be going out for fast food after this behavior, it’s likely you will be sent to bed without dinner at all…or at least get a good tongue ashing for everything that just happened. Right? Okay…let’s rejoin the scene…

“Good idea!” said his mother.

Pictured: Consequences

What? WHAT?! So the moral of this story is: behave like a jerk face and you will be rewarded with what you want.

This book is why our children are getting more and more awful.