Talkin’ Turkey With Tim Babb
Day 4

I’m not saying I’m in line for parent of the year, but I’m certainly doing a lot better than these fools…

For those of you who can’t/don’t want to watch the video, there are two toddlers playing with those little Flinstone-style cars that they get in and “drive” with their feet. There are two cars and two kids. Seems like that would work out fine but, the kid in the green shirt decides he wants the kid in the red shirt’s car. He starts to climb in and the woman holding the camera springs into action! …and by that, I mean she says, “Uh oh.”

With his parents doing nothing to help, red shirt decides to open the door to the other car. As if to say, “Hey buddy, there’s another car right over here that you can use. Why you gotta be all up in my business?”

With that, green leaves him alone and goes to the other car. I’m kidding of course, he grabs red shirt by the collar and tries to pull him out of the car. The woman holding the camera is so concerned about this that she laughs while holding the camera steady as can be. After green shirt tugs on red shirt a while, the lady finally says, “No, Finn. Finn.” If you didn’t watch the video, you might be thinking she said that in a stern stop that right now, young man voice. You would be wrong. She said it in more of a would you pass me the salt voice. Amazingly enough, Finn was undeterred from his collar tugging.

“Cry all you want. Mom clearly is not gonna help you.”

Finally he pulls the entire car over on it’s side. It falls on him and red shirt falls out and starts crying. Because, you know, WTF? You would assume this is where we lose the picture as the concerned parent drops the camera to step in. You would again be wrong. Mother of the year laughs again and then says, “No Finn that was your fault.” Again, no parental authority in her voice. Just telling Finn he shouldn’t be complaining because it’s his fault the car ell over. Well, mother dearest, Finn isn’t the one complaining, red shirt is. And the reason he’s complaining is because he just got yanked out of his car while the adults who were supposed to be supervising him just kept filming like they were trying to win $10,000 on America’s Funniest Home Videos (Is that show still on?)

“I’ll settle for Tosh.0”

Then Finn pushes the car back on it’s wheels. To his credit, red shirt gets back on his feet and heads for the now righted car. Wonder Mom helps out with an encouraging, “Go get it, Felix. Get it back.” Oh I get it, this is some sort of toddler thunder dome where they must fight for toys while mom films for her later amusement.

Finn must get it too, because just as Felix is about to get into the car again, Finn grabs him by the back of his shirt and pulls him back out of the car. At this point, mom’s cries of “No Finn, no,” sound at least a little concerned, but Finn has learned that mommy’s too busy filming her magnum opus to put the camera down and discipline him properly, so he pays her no mind. Then we actually hear a male voice pipe up with “Finn, don’t be a bully.”

Worst. Ant-bulling. Commercial. Ever.

Well why wouldn’t he? He wants something, he’s gonna take it, and up until now no one has done anything to stop him. So he keeps right on going, leaving the crying Felix behind as he hops in his ill-gotten car. Finally, the grampa lumbers in to the frame with all the body language that says, “I can’t believe I actually have to get off my butt. This sucks. Kids are so inconvenient.”

The reluctant hero pulls Finn out and puts him in the other car. Felix is still a bit upset and would like some attention, so grampa stuffs him back in the first car. Then mom says, “There we go.”

Yup, there we go. All fixed. Parenting…you’re doin’ it.

“I mean…it’s clear who they love most now, right?”