So I was on Cafe Press today (looking for great deals for you folks at the TANstore and/or Tim Babb’s Comedy Shop.) and I came across this sticker:

What. The. FUCK?!

I am offended on many levels…first as a comedian, this isn’t funny. Second as a graphic designer, this LOOKS like shit. I mean sweet Jesus, dude! Did you spend 5 minutes making this with MS Paint? For fuck sake, show some pride in your misinformation! And that brings me to my third level of offense. This person has clearly no idea what they are talking about! You can’t even say they’re just parroting Fox News…they’re just spouting gobbledygook. Let’s go through, shall we?

Claim 1 Ronald Reagan: The Great Communicator
Okay that one checks out. (Don’t you hate when you have to concede the FIRST point?)

Claim 2 Ronald Reagan: He brought us out of a recession
First off the recession STARTED during his presidency. It is, in fact, called the The Reagan Recession. However, Reagan did bounce us back. Unemployment dropped, inflation went down, and the economy expanded steadily. Do you know how this was accomplished? Deficit spending! Yeah, the very same thing that people are holding signs protesting right now. Food for thought.

Claim 3 Ronald Reagan: He brought us together as a nation
Well he brought republicans together. That’s an accomplishment to be sure, but it’s not the same as bringing the NATION together. I mean he had high approval ratings..but W. had higher ones and he sure as shit didn’t bring us together.

Claim 4 Ronald Reagan: He made our nation a beacon of hope
He did that? That was all Reagan, huh? I could have sworn we had people at all levels working on that for 200 years by the time Reagan was sworn in.

Claim 5 Ronald Reagan: and everyone prospered
…HA HA HAHAHA HAH HAHAHAHAHHA HA AH AHHA…ehhh. Oh, I’m sorry, you were serious? Oh, ok. Well aside from the obvious that you can not use an absolute word like “everyone” in this context because surely there will be one or more exceptions…why don’t you ask the air traffic controllers that he fired? I’m sure they “prospered” in their new job in the burgeoning fast food industry. The poor certainly prospered…I mean since the percentage of Americans living below the poverty line went from 11.7% when he took office to 15.2% towards the end of his first term and to 13.0% when he left office. So it seems like people were eager to jump on the poverty train, under Reagan.

Claim 6 Ronald Reagan: a true American
I will cede this point as well. Ronald Reagan is as true an American as anyone who lives here is.

Claim 7 Barcak Obama: The Great Orator
Only douchebags who make teleprompter jokes call him that. The rest of us actually LISTEN to what he SAYS (I know, crazy concept)

Claim 8 Barcak Obama: He is driving us into a recession
Would this be the recession that started before he even took office? How did he manage to do that? And save an uptick last month, unemployment has gone down every month since July and it’s over a full percent lower than it was at the beginning of 2010.

Claim 9 Barcak Obama: He is dividing the people of this nation
He is? HE is?! He’s the guy vilifying himself in the media? Misrepresenting health care as some sort of attack on liberty? HE’S the one doing that? I had no idea. Go fuck yourself.

Claim 10 Barcak Obama: He is making our nation a joke
Our respect in the world is the highest it’s been since 9/11. How is that a joke? You are a joke, sir! (I assume this is a dude)

Claim 11 Barcak Obama: and everyone will suffer
Really? Because rich people still seem to be doing pretty fucking well. They just got their tax cuts. The estate tax is going to be defanged. The stock market is roaring. There’s still no regulation that would prevent the same crap that caused this financial meltdown. Seems like the people who love to fuck us aren’t suffering a bit.

Claim 11 Barcak Obama: a true traitor to the American way
Fuck you! Fuck every last one of you who call anyone from the other side of ideology a traitor. Barak Obama is not a traitor for wanting an increase in government spending. George W. Bush was not a traitor for lowering taxes on millionaires. Stop this hyperbolic bullshit because dumb ass, gullible mother-fuckers take it SERIOUSLY.

The reason I even started this blog was because seeing this made me worry that I may have been this out of touch when criticizing Bush. Sweet Jesus, I hope I wasn’t. I had my problems with his presidency, to be sure, but I don’t think he was out to “ruin” this country or that he doesn’t care about Black people. I think his idealized version of this country is different than mine. Same with Palin, Huckabee, and all the rest of the people I don’t agree with. They’re all still “true Americans” …they’re just not the ones I’d want making decisions on my behalf.