So I was at church on Christmas eve, and the priest was talking about the Innkeeper from the Biblical Nativity story.

For those of you who aren’t aware, here’s the back story. Mary is pregnant with Jesus. She and her husband, Joseph, are traveling and trying to find a place to stay. I’m not sure why they didn’t head for a hospital since she was due to have the kid any minute…I guess their Obama-care hadn’t kicked in yet do so they were still with Kaiser. And we all know Kaiser’s plan for child birth, “Figure it out yourself fuckhole, it’s $90 a month…you don’t pay us enough to care.”

So Mary and Joseph happen upon an inn. They go ring the bell, or whatever they did to get the innkeeper’s attention in those days and they explain their situation and the innkeeper says, “There’s no room at the inn…you can stay in the barn though.”

Instantly he’s vilified as the bastard who couldn’t help out a pregnant lady. I think someone should come to this dude’s defense. So here are 5 reasons the Innkeeper is not a douchebag.

1. He Had No Idea Who These People Were
OK..if some strange couple who showed up in the middle of the night, are you just gonna let them in with no questions asked? NO!!! That has scam written all over it. I’ve seen waaaaaaaaay to many episodes of CSI, Law & Order, or Criminal Minds that start out just like that.

2. He Wasn’t a Christian
You may be tempted to argue that these aren’t random strangers…it’s friggin’ Mary and Joseph! Well, smart ass, Jesus isn’t born yet (thus the point of this story). The Innkeeper hasn’t even heard of Christianity much less the players in it’s origin story. If Albert Einstein’s parents showed up at your door circa March 13, 1879, would YOU recognize them? Didn’t think so.

3. Timing is Everything
Have you ever tried to get a last minute hotel room? It’s a huge pain in the butt! Of course there’s no room. It’s Christmas eve! Everybody is traveling somewhere to be with family. Jut poor planning on Joe and Mary’s part.

4. He Threw Them A Bone
While he didn’t have a room for them, he let them stay in the stable…or barn…or whatever the “proper” term is. While I’m sure it’s not super fun to have a baby next to stinky cow shit…it’s better than out in the snow. A white Christmas wouldn’t seem so great if you had to give birth outdoors. Do I hear a “thank you” to the innkeeper? No? Douches.

5. The Innkeeper Doesn’t Exist
No, devout believer, I am not saying the Bible isn’t real. I’m not even saying this part of the story was made up. I am actually saying that the word “inn” is a mistranslation.

“The word translated as “inn” is the word kataluma, which is used elsewhere by Luke and translated as “guest chamber” or “upper room” (Luke 22:11; cf. Mark 14:14). When Luke wants to speak of a paid establishment (i.e., an inn), he uses a different Greek word, pandocheion, as in the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:34).” [source]

So basically it wasn’t an inn…it was some dude’s house!

“Hey can me and my preggo wife crash on your couch tonight?”

That makes number 1 even MORE applicable. Look I’m sorry pregnant ladies, but if you show up at my door in the middle of the night, you’re not getting in. Especially since it’s not likely that you’re carrying the savior of mankind in your belly…I believe the Anti-Christ is the next one due to arrive. Go screw yourself, lady! Have your devil baby in the rain!