30 Days and 30 Blogs: Day 27

Every so often my mind goes on weird, random tangents when I drive at night. Tonight as I drove to pick up my wife from the airport I thought, “I wonder what people on other planets are doing right now.”

I am, of course, taking it as a given that there are other planets with life on them out there somewhere. But, I am not talking about what their scientists are doing. I’m sure they’re sending out probes and satellites trying to find intelligent life and having just about as much luck as we are. What I’m wondering about is Joe Blow alien. What’s he doing right now?

Probably just normal things like we are. There’s probably some alien yelling at his kids right now because they won’t stop fighting. Isn’t that a weird thought? Some alien dad yelling at his kids…right as you read this. We don’t look the same, communicate in the same way, or even observe time in the same manner…but those kids are getting a talking to from G’nok that they won’t soon forget.

And an alien is probably taking a shit right now. Doesn’t that blow your mind? He’s not working on the Death Star, or adjusting the stargate, he’s taking a fat dump. Right now! He’s pinching of a mighty alien loaf while you’re sitting here reading this blog. With so many planets in the universe, it’s almost impossible that somebody on another planet ISN’T shitting right now. What if it doesn’t come out of his butt? What if he shoots it out of his fingers? Like when a douche back greets you by doing that fake gun thing with his hands…except a turn shoots out. And so they have to wear gloves all the time to cover their private parts. Somewhere zillions of light years away, some alien is finger pooping and there isn’t anything you can do about it. You won’t ever get to see it.

…I don’t encourage drug use (I don’t discourage it either…it’s not for me, but you do what you want. I’m not your father) however…I believe you should probably read this blog to your friend when he’s high. I am fairly sure an amusing freak out will result from it.