I was driving along in LA the other day listening to my “80’s Baby!!!” playlist on my iPod, when something occurred to me: Bryan Adams does not get picked on nearly as much as he should! Sure he hasn’t made any music recently…but he got away with some crap that no one felt the need to call him out on…until now! I present lyrical evidence that Bryan Adams is a douchebag, the 1984 song “Run To You”!

This shouldn’t have landed Bryan his first big hit from the “Reckless” album, it should have landed him on the show “Cheaters.”

Listen to this crap…

She say’s her love for me would never die
But that’d change if she ever found out about you and I

Um YEAH, ass hat! What a brilliant deduction. You’re lady wouldn’t be happy to find out you’re cheating on her. In other “No Shit, Sherlock News,” bad acne can lead to pock marks….oh…I guess you learned that one the hard way didn’t you?

oh – but her love is cold
It wouldn’t hurt her if she didn’t know cause…
When it gets to much – I need to feel your touch

“Her love is cold?” BS! You just want some “strange,” you’re a pig! Don’t blame her love for you thinking with your little head! “When it get’s too much?” When WHAT gets too much? Having a loving woman by your side? Yeah what a pain that can be! Always being supportive and all that bull shit.

…you disgust me, you Canadian bastard!

I’m gonna run to you
I’m gonna run to you
cause when the feelin’s right I’m gonna run all night
I’m gonna run to you

What a charmer. He invites his mistress to make love the same way I say that I’m going to Burger King for lunch. “I’m gonna run to Burger King…but I’m not gonna have sex with my Whopper.” (Well, technically EVERY time I have sex it’s with “my Whopper,” if you know what I’m sayin’…and I think you do)

She’s gotta heart if gold she’d never let me down
But you’re the one that turns me on
You keep me comin’ round

You’re not even cheating on a awful woman?! How do you live with yourself?! I mean, cheating is never the way to go, but if you’re gonna cheat, don’t cheat on a woman who “never lets you down!” At least Montell Jordan and his woman weren’t in love.

I know her love is true
But it’s so damn easy makin’ love to you
I got my mind made up – I need to feel your touch

…it’s easy? That’s it? That’s your big play…because it’s easy?! Now you’re insulting both women at once! “My wife’s a great lady and your a cheap slut…let’s fuck!”

The rest of the song is just Bryan caterwauling some variation of “I’m gonna run to you.” I hope he is doing all that running because the woman he is cheating on is chasing him with a car. And I hope she hits him!

If you like hearing Tim piss and moan about unfaithful singers, check out part one of the “Whatchu Singin’ About?” series.