So I was hearing yesterday about how Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner just popped out a new larval Affleck. There was, however, no indication of what appellation the slavering masses would be screeching in their adoration of this newly minted fountain of famous.

That all got me thinking of the weird fucking names that celebrities saddle their children with. I love Kevin Smith‘s work, but “Harley Quinn” is pretty borderline. It might sound reasonable, but she is named after a comic book sidekick. Penn Jillette may be one hell of a showman and his show Bullshit puts him on my All Time Heroes List, but calling his daughter “Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette”? That is over the line. Travolta named a son “Jett” because <TardVoice>he likes to fly jets and he loves his son that much</TardVoice>.

Celebrities get away with this shit because they are famous and they want their children to also be famous, even if it means being total asshats and picking a name nobody else is using BECAUSE IT IS FREAKING RIDICULOUS.

Once I came to that conclusion, I decided that if I was a movie star, I would name my first daughter “Snot”. Why? Because I could. If she didn’t like it, I’d take my 13 chromosomes and famous last name back.

That would show the little bitch.