(Sung to the tune of “Creep” by Radiohead)

It was seven years this fall
That I lived with this guy.
It was no fucking picnic.
The smell’d make you cry.

People thought we were lovers,
But I swear I’m not gay.
Just because women hate him,
Please…
Don’t think I swing that way!

So Tim’s a freak.
He’s a weirdo.
He had a wall covered with Harrison Ford.
He makes fun of my mother.

When his shit doesn’t work,
He loses his soul.
He bashed up his walkman,
And four remote controls.

He want’s to be noticed,
So he’ll dress like Britney Spears.
He’s always been like this,
And I know,
‘Cause I’ve known him for FOURTEEN YEARS!

But Tim don’t drink.
He’s no wino.
He looks just like Michael Jackson
Had an affair with Jim Carey.

Oh… Oh…

He’s the only karaoke addict on Earth.
If you lived with him, you’d cry, cry, and want to die.
I hate this guy!

He says “Call me Slappy”…
Whatever that means.
People think that he’s special,
Like “Short School Bus” special.

So Tim’s a freak.
He’s real weird now.
Why the hell did I live with him?
I need a new place…

Is there room at your place?