Last night I humped my new TiVo a little.

We just traded in Comcast Cable for the sexy smooveness that is DirecTV and TiVo. We are no longer slaves to that goddamn box.

I wanted to go out and check on my laundry, so my roommate paused 24 for me. Paused it. Once I was back in, we made up the lost time by fast-forwarding the next commercial break until we were back in real-time. I quietly wept for the joy of it.

I’m almost never home watching TV in the evenings (between work and my ) so I’m missing just about every show I keep meaning to watch. No more!

Carnivàle, CSI, 24, Nip/Tuck, Lost, Star Trek: Enterprise, … hell, even the reruns of Buffy and Angel that I only caught if I was home sick (like the stupid after-Christmas stomach flu!): all mine now!

Mindless Saturday mornings previously spent playing with the computers while a Monster House or Newlyweds marathon droned in the background will be replaced by the joy of discovering what TiVo thinks I should watch or the satisfaction of catching up on the previous week’s prime-time fare.

Good movies on HBO and Showtime in shitty timeslots will be waiting for me to get to them on my time.

If my TiVo were a woman, I’d let her cum first.