This isn’t any “inside scoop” or anything, folks. Just me using some screen shots and Photoshop to turn lemons into lemonade!

Drink up, baby!

Hey guys. I’m in a contest to win a spot on KTLA tv (in LA) as well as a chance to perform at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club (plus a fat load of bragging rights)

So please vote for me by going here: http://tinyurl.com/TimBabbKTLA I believe you can vote once a day through May 14th. Please vote and forward this link to your friends. You also get to watch a 2 minute video of my comedy so at least you get a little something out of the deal, right?

Any way…thank you in advance for your vote http://tinyurl.com/TimBabbKTLA.

Today, I went to see the Star Trek Exhibit at the Tech Museum in San Jose with my friends Stephanie and (friend of TANcast) Geoff. While the exhibit was fun, it leaves you a bit under whelmed if you’ve been to Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas (Still waiting for that to re-open, by the way…WTF Vegas?)

But while there, Geoff and I got to talking about Star Trek: Deep Space Nine..specifically the “acting style” of Captain Sisko, played by Avery Brooks. He was over the top in a way that might even make Shatner jealous. And that reminded me of the following mash up I’d seen on YouTube some time ago: (you will be tempted to fast forward…don’t…experience it in full, as it was intended)

I can’t quite tell you why I find that so funny…but, damn it, I do! First off, I enjoy watching Brooks crew the shit out of that scenery. Secondly, the way the remix kicks in only after it’s been on a loop for about a minute straight really tickles me. I was talking with Steph’s boyfriend today about that phenomenon of repeating something until it’s no longer funny…and then you keep repeating it until it’s funny again. I don’t know what that works but it truly is a way to make me laugh…and it’s real…it’s reeeeal! Don’t you understand?! IT’S REAL!!!!!!

First off…sorry folks this week’s episode is a ways off I am busy and a little sick and the former is making the latter worse. I swear it will be worth the wait. (I’m quite proud of Noah and Andy on this week’s show)

But last night was Oscar night!!! As your intrepid Hollywood reported (who just drove by the Kodak Theater moments ago…several sloooooow moving moments ago), I know you give a shit what I thought. So here goes…

Actually I’m amazed that I HAVE an opinion! I haven’t seen most of the nominated films (Hence I was rooting for “Up”). For some reason I was rooting against Avatar. I dunno why. I haven’t seen it. Kevin Smith seemed to like it. Andy and Noah seemed to have at least enjoyed it. Part of is it that I don’t like James Cameron. Anyone who breaks it off with Sarah Connor is an idiot of the highest sort. Then, I guess, part of it is the hype. I was over this movie before it came out. I was just inundated with how this movie was going to “change movies forever.” Then the previews looked not as good as the average Pixar movie.

And Sandra Bullock…hell yes! Winning a Razzie and an Oscar in the same year. The first actor to do it. I just have always liked her since she ran over the baby carriage in Speed. I haven’t seen the movie she won for…and there’s no guarantee that I ever will. But, you go Sandra!!! Hell yeah!

I won’t go through the rest of the catagorys but I will say that Star Trek is officially an “Academy Award winning movie!” w00t! Suck it, Transformers!

Also people have been complaining on Twitter that Michael Jackson was mentioned in the look back at people who died in 2009, but Farrah Fawcett wasn’t. Ok…I get with you being hurt with them leaving Farrah out…she wasn’t a “movie star,” she was a television actress for the most part, but she DID do some movies. But I’m not down with these people who are saying Michael didn’t belong on that real. He has contributed to film in a number of ways. Aside from playing one of the leads in the Wiz, he had a small part in Men in Black 2, he performed the themes to Free Willy, Free Willy 2 and the immortal “Ben.” Not to mention that his music videos were considered to be “short films” by many. Just look at the talent he had behind the camera: John Landis, Martin Scorcesse, John Singleton, and OF course George Lucas and Francs Ford Copilla for a little 3D adventure playing in Disneyland RIGHT NOW! I for one was glad they gave Michael a brief mention. But I AM sorry they skipped Farrah…and also Wayne Alwyne (The voice of Mickey Mouse) May all or lost favorites rest in peace and may we carry our love for there work with us no matter who is a fuck stick and tries to ignore/shit on them.

…ok…no time to spell check this train wreck. I gotta go. Kisses!!!

Since yesterday I wrote and anti-republican blog (Technically, it was anti-PALIN blog. That’s an important distinction in my eyes) today I’d like to write a little something more pro-republican.

Last Friday on Real Time with Bill Maher, there were two liberals and one conservative on the panel (plus Bill, who leans far more liberal than not). They liberals kept attacking the conservative for things he wasn’t saying. He was making some interesting points, but they seemed to ignore them and move on to bashing what they wanted to bash anyway. I realize this is a comedy show, but I think the conservative cracked the door open for an interesting debate…but the liberals just wanted to say what was bad about other conservatives.

I hate that crap. C’mon people, do we really have to keep this “us” vs “them” thing going on in politics? Look, you like tax breaks and I like government programs…neither one of us hates this country. Our political representatives are going to continue to be shooting the other party’s ideas down on principle unless we say, “Hey fuck sticks, enough of this ‘my way or the highway’ bullshit. You have a vision for the country, they have a vision for the country…figure out a way to reconcile the two in a compromise and fucking GET SHIT DONE!!! All this arguing and flag humping is not making me any safer, getting my kids better educated, or getting my job back.”

“Also…stop fucking cheating on your wives! Sweet bastard! Keep it in your fucking pants, asshole! You realize any helpful message you might have about the state of the country will be drowned out by screams of “ADULTERER!!!”

I’m Tim Babb and I approve this message.

Ok…I was annoyed when she implied that there was a “real” America and, by implication an unreal America.

I was disappointed in the way she misrepresented the health care debate.

It rolled my eyes when she quit her governorship half way through her term.

But THIS is too far…she was on Jay Leno’s second night of his ill-gotten Tonight Show where she proceeded to try her hand at stand-up comedy. FUCK THAT!

First off, do NOT take focus away from the fact that Jay Leno stole the Tonight Show away from a more deserving host again. This stunt is getting his show talked about and that is not what we need.

Second, I’ve been a stand up for almost 8 years..I would LOVE that spot on the Tonight Show! (Yes, even with Jay Leno hosting…it’s called being a hypocrite…look in to it…oh wait, she has) Don’t pay some desperate comedy writers a bunch of money to write you some jokes and then pawn it off on us like you’re now a stand-up comedian while I’m schlepping my ass around in the rain, driving an hour and a half to do 10 minutes at an open mic in the middle of Pickyournose, Nowhere!

Lastly, you CLEARLY have no sense of humor! That is obvious based on your reactions to the David Letterman joke, the Family Guy Episode, even Saturday Night Live. I’m pretty sure a sense of humor is a basic requirement to being a stand up comic (all evidence from Larry the Cable Guy, not withstanding)

So stay the fuck out of stand up, Palin. Write THAT on your hand so you remember it, whore. Do you want ME to come to where YOU work and make bone headed governmental decisions? I didn’t think so.

Oh and Mr. Leno, if you’d like to book me for an appearance on your show, I can be reached at tim@tancast.com (Hypocrisy: It’s not just for politicians anymore!)

According to a headline on thewrap.com: “It’s Over! NBC to Pay Conan $30M”

I feel bad for everyone in this situation…except NBC. They really screwed the pooch. They should have let Conan walk 5 years ago or they should let Jay go now, but don’t screw with the Tonight Show like this and then try and act like it’s either Conan or Jay’s fault that their ratings suffered. You made the choice to split the audiences and now you’re enjoying the lack of ratings because of it.

If I were Jay, I’d bow out gracefully. You went out number 1 on the Tonight Show. Don’t come back to it just to milk it. Let Conan succeed or fail on his own. I mean I know it sucks you were pushed out and ten set up to fail and now they’re making you out to be the bad guy…but you have a chance to prove you’re the good guy you’re rumored to be if you bow out now.

I hope Conan is able to go back to the airwaves soon…and it sucks for his staff that he uprooted from New York to come out to LA. I mean Conan will be fine but I’m sure most of the folks on the staff aren’t getting 30 million out of this. It might be hard for them.

NBC, lick my nuts!

First of all, does it strike anyone else that this happens so soon after Comcast buys NBC/Universal? They weren’t content with fucking up our TV viewing experience in the delivery…they wanted to fuck it up at the source!

So, from where I sit (which is, admittedly, a position that makes me just as uninformed as the next asshole) this just sucks for everyone. But what I mainly see is a lot of blow back hostility directed at Jay Leno. Now I know not a lot of the “cool kids” are down with Jay Leno but I feel he is to late night what Larry the Cable Guy is to stand up…he’s not on the edge doing the things that no one’s done before, he’s serving a large niche and serving it extremely well.

Leno was number 1 when he was forced to retire 5 years ago and he was #1 the day he went off the air. You can’t blame him for wanting to stick around, he did the job he was supposed to do and got pushed out for it.

Please don’t take this to mean I’m on “Team Leno” (as if being on any “team” makes a difference). Conan earned his shot and he deserves the chance to make it work. I’m on “Team Fuck NBC.” They are trying to have their cake and eat it too and it just doesn’t work. You can’t have both Jay AND Conan. There can be only one rooster in this hen house (or peacock, I guess). Choose one and let the other go.

So unless you actually have the brain of a beauty pageant queen, you know that the question was not at all inappropriate. She really just didn’t want to admit that the lawsuits were about money and fame more than some ethical position. She didn’t have a good answer, so she jumped straight into offended mode.

Well, Miss Prejean, if you’d like to be offended here are 5 questions Larry SHOULD have asked you:

1) If the wind “blew open your top” in these photos…why isn’t your hair blown about as well?

2) Is Sarah Palin your hero because George W. Bush was too intellectual for you?

3) I know you come from a conservative family, but don’t you think your mother is coming closer and closer to changing her views on abortion every time you open your idiot mouth?

4) I refuse to believe you’ve even READ a book much less written one…who really wrote that piece of shit you’re trying to hock on my show like it’s QVC?

5) C’mon…admit it, you’re a lesbian aren’t you? Sarah Palin isn’t your “hero,” she’s who you think about when you diddle yourself on video, am I right?

Trek haters be warned…thar’ be Trek a’comin’!

During the 5th season of Star Trek: The Next Generation there was an episode entitles “The Inner Light.” If you’re even a casual fan of the show, you probably know it. The episode won a Hugo Award, was nominated for an Emmy, and is consistently among the highest rated episodes in all of Star Trek.

It’s also one of my favorite episodes of Trek. It was recently on WGN so I made sure to save it on the DVR. I’ll describe the episode as briefly as I can. Captain Picard and the usual crew are on the bridge when a strange probe floats by. All of a sudden the probe sends out some beam and Picard falls down unconscious. When he wakes up, he’s on strange planet and everyone is calling him “Kamin.” He lives out a full lifetime on that planet in the span of 25 minutes. To summarize the plot more than this does the episode a huge disservice. You really should watch it, even if you’re not a fan of the Trek (hence I have saved it to watch with my wife) “The Inner Light” represents so much about what I like about Star Trek, yet is really an atypical episode.

There is no “villain” in the episode. No hostile alien attacking (Unless you count the probe attaching to Picard as an “attack.”) Most of the regular crew are barely in the episode…in fact Troi makes no appearance at all. There isn’t a great load of technical babble like there is in many episodes. There is a little to set up the premise of Picard’s predicament, but mostly it’s just Picard living a life on a drought plagued planet.

But what it does manage to do is deliver some great character moments. Despite all the rockets and lasers, Star Trek’s appeal has always been it’s great characters. And they manage to get some great drama out of this whole new set of characters that you didn’t know 30 minutes ago, but they tug violently at your heart strings for the bitter sweet finale of the episode. Plus it’s just such an interesting concept. What if you fell asleep tonight and then spent what seemed like 40 years living another life? …but then when you wake up…and you’re back in your bed…only one night had passed. How do you go back to your life after you’ve spent what seemed like 4 decades being somewhere else and someone else? Or imagine if you woke up tomorrow and all the experiences you’ve had up until now weren’t “real.” You had to go back to a whole other life that you’d forgotten about. Doesn’t that set our imagination on fire?!

To top it off, there is a haunting melody that Picard learns to play on a special flute. Which Picard plays as the show fades to credits. It is one of those songs that runs around in your head long after the tv is off, stirring up emotions as it goes. It was good enough to be fleshed out into a full orchestrated piece for Star Trek’s 30th anniversary and you can hear it in my Star Trek themed Kingdom Comedy.

I know I’m not the first to write about this episode, nor have I probably even come close to breaking new ground in my “analysis,” but I felt I should throw my two cents about this episode. It is a great episode of television that not only entertains but truly makes you feel something. It’s a shame some people will never see it because they don’t watch “that nerdy Star Trek crap.”

This one’s kind of a cheat because it’s simply fulfilling an obligation from this week’s TANcast. But basically watch as much of this video as you can stomach…

And then vote for what you think of it in our non-biased poll…

A few TANcasts ago Noah and Andy commented that if this Palm Pre doesn’t do well, the company would be in some serious financial trouble. So the engineering team I’m sure packed this baby with features, apps, and I’m sure the ability to fellate it’s owner…everything you’d want in a phone. Then they send it to the marketing department…and that’s where shit goes wrong…

Not only does this commercial NOT make me want to buy a Palm Pre, it makes me not want to leave my house! I find it hard to believe that anyone involved with this ad saw the finished video edited together and thought, “Nailed it!” They didn’t have ONE take where the director told the actress, “Okay…one more time but this time can you try to sound like you’re NOT an undead creature who has come to feast on the organs of children?”

…and don’t think I don’t recognize who that is! I know the Borg Queen from Star Trek: First Contact when I see her!!! She’s come back through time to assimilate Earth by getting us to all to VOLUNTARILY put nanoprobe delivery devices next to our ears! Where is Picard when we need him?!

(Oddly, this would creep me out LESS than the real ad)

Good luck, Palm. Say hello to Circuit City, Mervyn’s, and Pontiac for me!

Tim Babb is recording MJ’s Memorial on MSNBC AND CNN. Overkill? Perhaps. Don’t judge me.

Headline News just said MJ set the stage for us electing a Black president. WTF?! I like MJ, but let’s calm down.

It’s official. MJ was black….his memorial service is on CPT

How awesome would it be if MJ popped out of the coffin and did the Thriller dance? (Sick? Maybe…but funny)

You have to know other 80′s artist are watching MJ’s memorial today going, “I ain’t getting NOTHING like this when I die. *sigh*”

aw….I think Mariah is a little choked up…that’s kinda touching. Too bad everyone will just say she can’t sing

Did Stevie Wonder just say he wished he didn’t live to SEE this moment? Burying the lead aren’t you, Stevie? Since when can you SEE?!!

It’s official again, MJ was Black! According to Magic Johnson he enjoyed Kentucky Fried Chicken!

Will You Be There….such an appropriate and underrated song. Nice touch with MJ’s actual voice over…ah crap…Al Sharpton just came on

Ok, now Al Sharpton is trying to say that MJ somehow made it possible for a Black president. …please let’s just be sad a great artist died

Wow…say what you will, Sharpton gives good speech. Did I just compliment Al Sharpton?! I need a nap

Aw…Brooke Shields…fighting tears…heart breaking. Side note: Holy CRAP she’s hot! I know…inappropriate…but true!

Oh good…this congresswoman wants to pass a bill saying MJ was a legend. It’s ok Congress, you fix the economy, we’ll honor MJ. We got this

WTF? Did Usher just rip off MJ’s signature “fake cry” at the end of the song? That’s MJ’s cheesy bit, sir! Don’t touch his coffin…ewwww

I apologize to those following me who have no interest in MJ or his memorial…but this is what’s on my mind today

Who the hell is Shaheen Jafargholi? They couldn’t get a Jonas Brother for this?

Oh…it turns out I’m a douche bag and Shaheen is somebody that MJ really admired

Geez how old am I getting? I don’t recognize any of these people singing “We Are The World”

Where are my fellow Lincoln High School Alumni who remember “Heal The World” every Friday over the PA in ’92-’93?

Can someone spare a heart? Marlon Jackson just ripped mine out of my chest

Paris Jackson brings it all home…she didn’t lose an “icon.” She lost her daddy. I’m glad I didn’t get to go I would have wept like a baby

Holy crap! CNN actually talked about Iran, Obama, Putin, and Honduras…for almost 3 whole minutes. Way to go CNN! Now back to MJ!!!

Wolf Blitzer “thinks” Paris crying at the end of the memorial was an unscripted moment. No, she rehearsed crying about her dead dad…idiot!

If you’re intersted in hearing more of my irrelevant thoughts in 140 characters or less, follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/timbabbcomedian

Well, I’ve recently returned from JJ Abram’s new Star Trek flick and I enjoyed the movie. I want to say that first. It was fun and a good flick.

However, when I walked out of the movie with my wife, I didn’t have the same feeling I had walking out of First Contact with another lady many years ago…the feeling of “See?! THAT’S Why I love Star Trek!”

This movie was enjoyable and had lots of great Trek moments, but it didn’t feel like the Star Trek I loved. And I don’t mean that in a bad way like “They ruined it!” Not at all. It was just…different. If felt like a band I didn’t know doing a cover of one of my favorite songs…I recognized the tune, but it doesn’t have the same impact as the original.

As I feel myself geeking out and getting overly defensive of a film/tv franchise that really has nothing to do with me – I find myself asking, “Why do I like Star Trek so much?”

I’m not one of these people who is all gung ho about the “vision of the future where humanity has evolved beyond greed and hunger.” I mean that’s nice and all, but that’s not really what keeps me coming back for series after series and movie after movie. Obviously the outer space element appeals to the little kid in me, but there are tons of space related movies and television that I couldn’t give a crap about (I have yet to watch a single episode of Battlestar Galactica…old school or the new ones…deal with it, nerds!)

The characters are always great. I think they might just have been lucky to come up with the Kirk/Spock/McCoy dynamic and then again with Picard/Data/Worf.

But there is some x factor about trek That even has me watching Voyager and Enterprise. I even purchased “Star Trek: Nemesis” (Which I watch far more often than a sane man should)

There is a reason I spent 10 solid hours at Star Trek the Experience or plopped down $40 to see Star Trek: The Tour. These stories have a magic to them…a charm that transcends rockets and robots and is just engaging. This movie,, while technically good at every turn…somehow lost that x factor.

I guess because since everyone was determined t “do their own thing” with the characters…I felt like I wasn’t watching MY Jim Kirk…I was watching A Jim Kirk…so I wasn’t as attached to him.

But all in all, I can’t REALLY complain. I had a good time at the theater, several stations are running Star Trek: TNG to hop on board the hype machine. Trek is back in a big way…and so for that I am thankful.

(But would it have killed them to use the Alexander Courage music a little more? …ok..I’m done geek griping…for now)

Maybe this makes me less of a man, but then again maybe you can suck my manly nuts! Why does it concern me that some guys I’ve never met are playing a game I’m not interested in? I’d have more invested if I were playing a football video game…at least I’d have a real stake in the game. Hell, even if Andy or Noah were playing a football video game, I’d be more prone to watch that than the Superbowl. (Of course Andy would spend 4 hours exploring the 30 yard line and there’d be no actual game to watch)

That’s it…just had to piss on the Superbowl.  To those who will watch, have fun. To those like me who don’t care…is there any Star Trek on that day?

At least I can spend the day editing TANcast 35 – Train Wreck 2: Wreck Harder!

thunderheist – jerk it from thatgo on Vimeo.

natalie portman’s shaved head – sophisticated side ponytail from thatgo on Vimeo.

p.s.

Go black people!

Check out “Danger Dave,” the travel guide…he’s hot!

Until then, marvel, children, at what once was and what we have lost (or rather what has been transmuted into Reno 911!)…

On a related note, Survivor has taught me that ladies appearing on the show need to wear sports bras. And maybe leave the house once in a while before appearing on a show that takes place in the outdoors and lasts for 5 weeks. I’m just saying, you know exactly where you are going and for how long…

On a related note, I was skimming through the American Idol “tryouts” episodes looking for Slappy in a Superman costume and I was reminded that lots of people who should never, ever sing never, ever get told so by the people near them. I suspect that this is because the people near them are also tone deaf and thus are not driven away by the awful singing. My theory is that there is a selection bias at work, where the people left nearby won’t inform the singer of their lack of talent because they are actually unable to be aware of it. Everyone who isn’t tone deaf leaves before the song ends.

On a related note, people on Survivor also need to be aware of this bias and not assume they should start singing to their tribemates.

Jesus Stick of +5 Beating!

I think they upped the ass-kicking a bit for the ratings. Also I’m not sure Jesus was Buddhist.

PS: You should see Kung Fu Hustle. It is like Quentin Tarantino and Tex Avery got together to make a Kung Fu movie. Jesus said it totally kicks ass.

PPS: I think I set a record for pointless hyperlinks there.

We just traded in Comcast Cable for the sexy smooveness that is DirecTV and TiVo. We are no longer slaves to that goddamn box.

I wanted to go out and check on my laundry, so my roommate paused 24 for me. Paused it. Once I was back in, we made up the lost time by fast-forwarding the next commercial break until we were back in real-time. I quietly wept for the joy of it.

I’m almost never home watching TV in the evenings (between work and my ) so I’m missing just about every show I keep meaning to watch. No more!

Carnivàle, CSI, 24, Nip/Tuck, Lost, Star Trek: Enterprise, … hell, even the reruns of Buffy and Angel that I only caught if I was home sick (like the stupid after-Christmas stomach flu!): all mine now!

Mindless Saturday mornings previously spent playing with the computers while a Monster House or Newlyweds marathon droned in the background will be replaced by the joy of discovering what TiVo thinks I should watch or the satisfaction of catching up on the previous week’s prime-time fare.

Good movies on HBO and Showtime in shitty timeslots will be waiting for me to get to them on my time.

If my TiVo were a woman, I’d let her cum first.